Oh, lovely reminder that even while you’re stuck at work in the waning days of winter, young people are out beating the hell out of each other for your entertainment in fall.
—UNC Galleries and the full size of the above photo are here.
—Sooner practice gallery hyah.
—Clemson photo galleries here-fresh and uncut. Punny!
LSU Tigers Charles Scott and Demetrius Byrd-a.k.a. DJ Quick and Dirty Bird-sing and cut it up for you. The song: Glenn Dorsey’s favorite, “In the Air Tonight.” To be honest, we haven’t made it past Demetrius Byrd talking about calling your butt tonight.
Trick love the kids, y’all. This post sponsored by Downy, since that shit is SOFT.
Don’t borrow, steal: an offseason requires desperate measures, and in a pinch we’ll be happy to do the pinching. We present what will hopefully be a running series: Stuff _____ People Like, based on the painfully accurate Stuff White People Like. We begin, to be fair, with our own alma mater, Florida.
Stuff Orange and Blue People Like
Law school. Perhaps biasing the study with our own personal experiences, but everyone who graduates from Florida goes to law school, is thinking about going to law school, or has considered going to law school. They may also be in the process of applying to go to law school, or just getting over the thought of going to law school. At the least, the Gator fan you encounter has had sex with someone who went to law school. (This is a requirement for graduation. Go look. )
Panera. We have never, ever, ever seen a demographic spread their financial legs more whorishly for a business than Gator fans for Panera, the bread and coffee chain out of Atlanta that specializes in selling sugary breads for two to three times what you might actually pay for them at a real bakery. And that’s right, Florida fans, we said that: Panera’s not a real bakery. It’s a goddamn cookie shop with coffee and shitty wireless-that’s it. A sugar cookie the size of a roofing shingle is still compacted sugar, butter, and flour, even if you’re eating it in a pleasant place with healthy wheat stalks woven into all of their ersatz rustico! Italian decorating. The pleasant decor and clean floors will keep the calories off, right? No, it won’t, but walk in there on a Saturday and you’ll swear the place was giving away free crack and fistfuls of Tebowbucks in little orange and blue baggies.
Speaking of bland, tasteless, and overpackaged…. (more…)
Guys named Bowden cutting players may run in the family:
After FSU played in the Music City Bowl in December Geoff returned to Tallahassee and mentally prepared to endure the physically grueling spring workouts, which include mat drills and a strict weight room regimen, as well as his final semester as an undergraduate student. After the first day of mat drills he was called up to Coach Bobby Bowden’s office for a meeting with him. Coach Bowden explained that he was “surprised to see Geoff” at the 5 am mat drill because he was “under the impression that he was not to returning for his fifth year”, information he received from Trickett. After beating around the bush and looking like a fool who has know idea about decisions that are made for his own football team, he finally told Geoff that due to a “number crunch” he would not be receiving his fifth year of scholarship eligibility.
Nick Saban, another oversigner of recruits, has two medical hardships pending for the Crimson Tide this spring. Both appear to be on the level.
Stan Brock has Army going places, people, if only for what he claims not to know.
So Brock will run the option, right? The coach didn’t bite.
When jokingly asked if he would use a West Coast offense, Brock said, “What’s a West Coast offense?”
Not knowing the West Coast offense given the performance of the WC system in the college ranks may be a resume line all by itself, but Brock is of course joking. He and the other Army coaches spent “50 hours” reinventing Army’s flatlined offense, an attack totalling 19 TDs in 12 games. (Yes…give it a minute…correct. That’s the opposite of good for an offense.) Brock talked extensively with ex-Army coach Jim Young, an option coach who got Army to three bowls, an achievement that should make you feel very, very bad for not knowing who Young was in the first place.
Now put on your beanies, grab a swig of bathtub gin, and hop in the jalopy for some vintage Army option in the Army/ND game from 1946. Huzzah, and death to Tojo!
Um…why are they playing “Anchors Aweigh” in the background?
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As always, thanks Dave. Get money, Urban. In addition to the boatload of simoleons he receives from endorsements and his base salary, Urban Meyer also has $3.75 million dollars of retention bonuses built into his contract. He also has a clause guaranteeing him $2 million dollar a year if he is fired before the term of his contract is up. We’re totally going to work this into our next contract with the Sporting News, though the total will likely be closer to $200 and a 12 pack of Honey Brown delivered to our doorstep for no less than two weeks after the firing. No pressure. Urban Meyer has none of your petty “good mornings” for Emmanuel Moody. “I walk by him every day and I don’t say hello. I walk by him and say, ‘I hope you’re really good,’ ” Meyer said last week at his pre-spring news conference. “I don’t know what else to say. … I hope he’s really, really, really good. I don’t know if he is.” Ex-Sooner Tommy Grady came back to Oklahoma for pro day and is stunning teammates with his massiveness. Grady left Oklahoma because Rhett Bomar was going to be the quarterback for rest of time and could be felled by no man, team or scandal except taking thousands of dollars from a car dealer. If the numbers are right, Grady went from 225 as a freshman to 245 pounds of bulginess as a senior, something entirely possible as a young man. Doing this at forty is also totally plausible if the observing party is an idiot and will believe anything, or is your average baseball fan. Guy Morriss mai be coching thee Kentukee State Thorobreds. Sample size, dammit! Graphs, numbers, and recruiting services. Warning: analysis of graphs and basic math required. The problem is with sample size, of course, but we understand the limitations of doing a mathematical breakdown of recruiting services: it’s difficult, tedious, and boring as shit. That’s why cheap, overgeneralizing insults work so, so much better than actual work. |
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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