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BRIAN CUSHING TESTS POSITIVE FOR PEDs (OFFICIALLY) (DUH)

The percentage of athletes doing steroids in college is probably far, far lower than you might think, or at least lower than your average Jersey sports talk prole might think they are, since they and every conspiracy theorist on the planet assumes every athlete is on all of them and cannot be dissuaded from this opinion

Dey're all on it oh totally TOTALLY i mean COME ON like my cousin works in a gym and we were doing shrugs and I was like "right?" and he's like "Totally everyone I know does em and they're all freakin' cheats" and then we said Carlos Beltran needs to start taking the good ones because he's clearly skimping on em RIGHT FREAKIN' BELTRAN YOU PUSSY NEXT CALLAH--

Steroid use, like alcoholism, requires discipline if you're going to do them right, something seriously knocking out at least half of our sample group from consideration here. Take out those who can't afford the basic materials, and now we're looking a group halved again at the least. Assume half of this quarter wouldn't want to do them anyway, and we're now down to a solid 12.5% who would be a likely slice of willing Nandrolone-anauts. 

That said, if you didn't suspect Brian Cushing of being in that fine slice of willing, able, and organized PED users in college, then you're Joaquin Phoenix Cleveland Steamer insane.

The general rule: if a guy looks superhumanly large, he probably is just that, and the results most likely come from steroids or other PEDs. 

(Accepted as a counter before continuing: that some players are bell curve freaks, and are simply naturally huge. The best example we can think of is Allen Bailey of Miami, who looked like this in high school before he'd barely touched a proper strength program and instead got his workouts beating alligators to death with shovels on the Georgia Channel Islands.  Bailey's most likely one of those specimens, the sort we'd file under "country strong" whose genes spat him out on this earth in the mold of a He-Man figure.)  

It's when the bodybuilder look begins to kick in along with sudden performance spikes that the eyebrows raise, which they will do even when you can't write about it. The weird contradiction at the heart of any steroid case is the diligence at the core of the infraction. Cheating, contrary to popular opinion, is hard work.  Steroid and PED users, on the whole, do not tend to be the lazy ones you might initially think would take a shortcut. If anything, Andro Cowboys tend to be the talented and hard-working willing to press every edge in order gain an advantage, even if it runs up against the ethical bounds of their chosen form of competition. Lazy, they're not; unethical, well...that's hard to defend. (Though category 5ers in the audience will and should certainly take a shot at it.)  

If you'll excuse us, we have go take our "vitamins" for the gym. 

NOTE: Edits were made after we were overly liberal with the term steroids, which should read PEDs, since the NFL doesn't release what performance enhancers turned up in the test. Four games during the season, though, doesn't seem like punishment for a diuretic. 

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You missed the most obvious reason it was clear he was cheating

He was a member of the football program at Southern Cal.

Also, New Jersey doesn’t produce natural athletes of that sort.

by GwinnettGamecock on May 10, 2025 1:09 PM EDT reply actions  

Cory Boyd turned out fine too,

but I would put my money on finding far more NFL-caliber skill position guys from the Garden State than steroid-free white guys with his frame and build.

My opinion is no doubt altered by the fact that on my two visits to NJ, every white guy weighing more than a buck eighty seemed to be walking the fine line between barely stifled roid rage, and “WHADDA YOO LOOKINAT? YOU WANT SOMETHIN?” / lowers head and rams into car in poorly thought out display of attempted dominance.

by GwinnettGamecock on May 10, 2025 3:34 PM EDT up reply actions  

I imagine it would a shock to the sort of genteel dandy one finds meandering around Gwinnett County.

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"

by DC Trojan on May 10, 2025 10:22 PM EDT up reply actions  

Exactly

I love to attend the local Round Table to hear the Brothers Irons debate the limits of utilitarianism, or Brian McCann and George Rogers consider the problem of other minds. David Pollack retired from the NFL after a mischievous Franceour used one gathering of the Learned to suggest Pollack’s injury was likely the first of many NFL-related traumas that would eventually present a personal Ship of Theseus paradox. Ah, the things that those scamps discuss at the Lawrenceville Hooters!

by GwinnettGamecock on May 11, 2025 1:06 AM EDT up reply actions   1 recs

I would pay tens of dollars to see this.
I love to attend the local Round Table to hear the Brothers Irons debate the limits of utilitarianism,

I'm Irish. I'm going to have to deal with something being wrong the rest of my life.

by boddagettaflyer on May 11, 2025 10:15 AM EDT up reply actions  

Imagine my disappointment upon my two visits to the Discovery Mall in search of sustenance between meetings, only to discover that the prior day’s discussion of logical positivism had degenerated into a donnybrook so extensive that any and all salons of erudition were temporarily banned.

I contented myself with nailing 99 theses to the door of Medieval Times and immediately withdrawing to avoid being burned at the stake.

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"

by DC Trojan on May 11, 2025 10:57 AM EDT up reply actions  

If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'

Steve Lattimer approves.

"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther

by Go Big Rev on May 10, 2025 1:12 PM EDT reply actions  

Next Step: Crying like a bitch in front of Congress.

Brian Cushing isn’t here to talk about the past. Neither is Pete Carroll, for that matter.

Brian Kelly says no hat ceremonies.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 10, 2025 1:16 PM EDT reply actions  

Nice rack in that photo on the left.

And by “nice rack” I mean….ewwwwww.

by zzgator on May 10, 2025 1:17 PM EDT reply actions  

MOOBS!

Mickelson approves.

by ESS EEE SEE Speed on May 10, 2025 1:26 PM EDT up reply actions  

While he doesn't have Cushing's nuclear warhead titties

Lloyd Carr approves as well.

Brian Kelly says no hat ceremonies.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 10, 2025 1:36 PM EDT up reply actions  

Another dead giveaway...

Brian Cushing’s high occipital brow akin to a Neanderthal. But that doesn’t really explain Paul Finebaum, does it?

"If we score, we may win. If they never score, we'll never lose."
-Erk Russell

by DavetheDawg on May 10, 2025 1:23 PM EDT reply actions  

I've seen that Cushing steroid comparo pic before...

… but I never noticed that he has his right pant tucked in. What the hell is that all about?

by Alakablamo on May 10, 2025 1:26 PM EDT reply actions  

I feel it's very important

that someone make a post on Craig James’ senatorial race and the video on Hinton’s site right now. Not me, as I am going out to lunch. But someone willing to push the boundaries of ethics and hard work.

by Old South on May 10, 2025 1:29 PM EDT reply actions  

Best-Ever Example of "Country Strong"...

…is Herschel Walker.

The fact that I just threw up a little admitting that in no way subtracts from its truth.

by Jack Fact on May 10, 2025 1:42 PM EDT reply actions  

Country strong

Or Bo Jackson. The man was chiseled from granite from about 16 or so. He grew more, but rarely graced the weight room or practice track.

Sullivan013

by sullivan013 on May 10, 2025 1:49 PM EDT reply actions  

Get a Load of This USC Fan Dept

Unlike BC, I do not think this one is on any drugs:

http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/celebrity_photos/week_best_celebrity_photos_6cW0hAjjK0LGduK9YbR8LP?photo_num=2

by SKLM on May 10, 2025 1:52 PM EDT reply actions  

Go Trogans indeed.

I think she could put together a more coherent thought than most of the Wild West folks.

Brian Kelly says no hat ceremonies.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 10, 2025 2:01 PM EDT up reply actions  

i opened that website and...

my computer got infected…

(not really it, is a safe link… just commenting on the photo.)

by Cocky Scar on May 10, 2025 2:08 PM EDT up reply actions  

Um, Spencer, it wasn't steroids

Cushing’s statement said that he tested positive for a “non-steroidal banned substance.” I’ve searched far and wide to figure out exactly what substance was involved, but the NFL did not release that information—but they didn’t contradict Cushing’s statement either.

by Topher Kersting on May 10, 2025 2:10 PM EDT reply actions  

My money's on

taffy and Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies. Tragic, because use of these substances leads to uncontrolled rage and an affinity for overly large baseball caps. At least that’s what the empirical data from the SEC West shows.

by MaconDawg on May 10, 2025 3:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

True, true.

It should read PEDs in the headline and article. The NFL as a matter of policy doesn’t release the specific substances.

by Spencer Hall on May 10, 2025 3:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

Probably a masking agent.......

…….they rarely find the actual steroids, but rather the stuff these guys take to cover up the steroids

by Spartan D on May 10, 2025 3:11 PM EDT up reply actions  

holy god

no Fight Club quotes about being “Jack’s blah blah blah”

society has progressed

My body is a temple

by Wallacewade04 on May 10, 2025 2:16 PM EDT reply actions  

I am Jack's

rude-ass man titties. I make other people throw up.

by thewalrus on May 10, 2025 4:32 PM EDT up reply actions  

Ah, football and drugs......PEDs....

Everytime I see PED’s, I instantly think of PEZ, which could be considered PED’s for kids, or pediatrics, we used to pop about 20 of those suckers before every practice.
Now, with USC being closer to Mexico, I am sure most of that stuff they get is fake. Back in 98, you could do Andro and Deca and get away with it since it would boost your testosterone level about the same, and blame it on the Andro, which was sold OTC by Champion Nutrition and a whole host of others. When alot of players were getting jacked up, it was too expensive to test for it, so the NCAA just banned it altogether, along with Ripped Fuel or any other ephedrine based products. If you think college and NFL are on the fringe, I trained with some former Olympic athletes from Iceland, Greece and some dude from France, and they all got the PRIMO stuff. They were decathletes and their training regimen was freakin INSANE. Day after day, year in , year out they trained and dieted for their sport, and I say they need ‘roids to compete with China and Korea, since all of their ’roids are given to their athletes, full cycles, and even what to take, when to take the new stuff that isnt on the radar yet.They said the best stuff comes from Poland for some reason. Hell the whole Eastern Bloc countries aint nuthin but one big human genome lab anyway. I would guess Cushing is doing the Hgh thing, along with Deca since he has that full on moon face goin on. Players on Winstrol-V have the Percy Harvin thoroughbred look, not the full on “swollen” smooth look that Cushing has.
’http://cheezburger.com/View/594048768’><!--linkimage--><!--/linkimage-->

If Auburn wants to follow Nick Sabans script, they must go undefeated this year in the SEC...and do it again next year, AND win the BCS....good luck with that.....

by mrpelicanpants on May 11, 2025 12:45 AM EDT reply actions  

I’d imagine that the Polish expertise is the result of being part of years of experimentation when the Eastern Bloc countries were doping all their Olympic athletes to the gills in an effort to see what worked and what killed a couple of surplus “orphans.”

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"

by DC Trojan on May 11, 2025 10:59 AM EDT up reply actions  

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