January 17, 2025

USF FRESHMAN DIES IN ROUTINE CONDITIONING DRILL

The St. Pete Times is reporting that University of South Florida freshman running back Keeley Dorsey has died in a routine conditioning drill.

Dorsey, a Tallahassee native, was 19 years old.

Condolences to his family and all at USF.

SEE NO EVIL: GATOR FANS REJOICE

Uber recruit Chris Rainey has been cleared of violations by the FHSAA stemming from some claims of “benefits” received that he made to a Miami newspaper reporter. Another day in the SEC. God love it.

A VOTE FOR SPITE IS A VOTE FOR GEORGIA

Knowing what your constituents want is an essential skill of politicking. Jack Kingston, House Rep for the 1st district in Georgia, has this, or at least believes he does. Via In the Bleachers:

The House passed a resolution praising the Florida Gators on their recent National Championship. These things are usually passed unanimously and give said honoree something official to recognize whatever they accomplished.

Not so fast my friend on this one, it passed 414-1. Who in their right mind would go on record against Florida winning the championship? A misplaced Ohio State fan? Steve Spurrier’s sister? Some Auburn booster?

That would be Jack Kingston, who made up the lone member of the lone anti-Florida constituency in the United States House by voting against congratulating Florida in the ceremonial resolution. You’d expect us to be enraged by this, but thorny spite like that doesn’t escape praise around here. We imagine the same, sick feeling we’d have if a vote praising Bobby Bowden for anything came up. We’d likely do the same.

That said, we still hope he gets flattened by a rolling ball of rattlesnakes while taking out the trash. Fuck you, Jack Kingston. Fuck you in your waxy, pox-ridden ear.

15-2 and counting,

Love,

Orson


Jack Kingston, dickface. And hell yes we’re hotlinking this.

ORSON ON LIVE IN LA’s SPORTSPULSE. WE’RE OFF TO THE SPA.

We’re going to dip for a quick body wax. See, if you’re going to be on SportsPulse, NowInLA’s live internet radio show, you’ve got to have it all West Coast trim, and we’re talking stem to stern. Don’t worry-we’ve got enough painkillers stocked up to get through the bikini line.

Listen live at 2:30 EST and feel free to call in, since that’s the whole idea behind NowInLA’s audio broadcast. And in case you doubt the power of online radio, behold…

SNAZZY GRAPHICS!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL BLOGGER AWARDS: SHAMELESS VOTE PUMPING.

Before anything else is mentioned, we should tell you that we hate awards we’re nominated for, since like Groucho Marx we don’t join clubs due to our suspicion of any club accepting us as a member. However, we’re all for other people getting them, especially the people whose work helps us kill day after precious day on this mortal coil.


Being a member doesn’t mean we have to wear these again, right? Because that’s the last club we joined, and those things are sweltering in 98 degree heat.

Given that, you have scant time to vote in this year’s College Football Blogger Awards. They recognize the oddball exploit of college football blogging and those who are particularly innovative and good at it. The only rationale for the picks came in terms of value added: were the nominees doing something different and new, and not just rehashing what print journalists do in online form? Were they funny and insightful while doing it? And while doing so, did they send us free swag at polite intervals throughout the year?

(Full disclosure: we contributed to the final selection committee, but generally slacked off during most of this whole process. We pressed for one nomination for ourselves, and one only: the nod for the Lee Corso Song. We were nominated for the Michael Lewis interview, but if we actually sang for something, we wanted a nod. You should totally vote for Friday Night Lites in that category, anyway.)

The full ballot is over at Rocky Top Talk, where Joel’s moved whole sierras to get this thing together. We’re nominated in the following; click any of the snappy logos to vote.

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UCLA FANS=REPUBLICANS, FLORIDA FANS=ANARCHISTS

If you’ve read Homage to Catalonia by George Orwell-you know, a little hobby book about Orwell’s weekend pasttime of going to war with strange armies-you may remember that of all the oddball sides to take, Orwell ends up fighting side by side with the Anarchists, who despite being yes, disorganized, generally get things done when it matters.

Then there’s the Nationalists-highly organized, regimented, and led by a charismatic leader bent on victory. (There’s also the Republicans, but we’re never sure exactly where to put them in this argument. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll bench them here.) We’ve often thought you could divide college fanbases into these two groups.

Anarchists: the fanbases seemingly requiring no prompting, loud, ferocious, and often horribly unruly.

Republicans: fanbases requiring prodding at bayonetpoint to participate in highly organized fashion.

We weren’t the first to find this-The Wiz, Paul, and Fire Mark May all found this first-but after watching this, we’re certain UCLA fans fall into the Republican category.

VOLS LOSE STARTING SAFETY TO PULLED CEREBRUM

Demetrice Morley, starting safety for the Tennessee Volunteers, will not return to the uni this spring, according to the Tennessean. The cause? A common injury among student-athletes: a pulled cerebrum, or in other words, being unable to keep his GPA above a 2.0.

The Fanhouse has this great spooky pic of Morley, half in shadow, half in light (it’s like he knew he was doomed!) Rocky Top Talk says Morley has no excuses, and is right. If you fail out of the University of Tennessee on a football scholarship, it’s like blowing your share of a Rothschilds’ inheritance. You’re just not to be trusted again, even with something where your margins of error are impossibly huge.

If Jamal Lewis can maintain academic eligibility at an institution and you can’t, it’s time to pursue another line of work.


Morley: sprained his cerebrum.

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