We can’t really decide whether to like or detest the composite figure that is the Ohio State fanbase. On one hand: rowdy, dedicated, and rude as hell, which plucks piano strings of emotions for a Florida fan whose own fans have thrown pee at opposing teams and have a reputation for being regal smartasses. On the other: beating up crippled people, posting comments of…well, doobiyus speellingg and gramer at a rate slightly higher than their regional rivals, and loving Cheatypants McSweatervest, whose we wouldn’t trust to watch our bike for three seconds.
This sign posted on Deadspin gives us that exact sensation all in a single image:
We did, too. But does it make us hate or love the OSU fanbase? Oh, the ambiguity…
The Fulmer Cup will be handed out to the lucky program demonstrating an utter and total lack of institutional control over the offseason-but what will it look like? Reader Big Mike took a stab at it, and so far we’re liking it. Other Farkers of note, we implore you: do your worst and submit it to us.
Mike’s proposal may be seen below the jump.
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The city of Toledo, Ohio-which isn’t even in the top 25 fattest American cities-has decided it needs a “Get Fit, Toledo!” campaign to encourage citizens to shape up and get sexy. (How is Detroit number one? Are the survivors getting fat on the bodies of the victims? Or is everyone just so frightened they refuse to go outside and subsist on a steady diet of order-in cheese steaks?)
Consider a few of the Toledo natives you know and love: which one would be the logical choice for a fitness campaign for the City of Rockets?
A. International superstar/beard Katie Holmes
B. Silky smooth songstress and guaranteed poon tunes maker Anita Baker
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…we hereby begin the State Farm Coaches’ Death Match Tournament of Champions today. Thrill as masters of gridiron motivation fight to the death to satisfy your sick bloodlust! Stand awed at the sight of 300-lb. coaching legends staggering around the ring in very little clothing! Pray that you forget the hypothetical sight of it all!
The brackets may be found here, but may change due to availability and the author’s forgetting to put someone in there altogether. (EDSBS: you get what you pay for.) Today we begin with the tournament with a very, very loud bang-exactly the sound made by a fat man hitting the mat with great force, actually, which is appropriate for each of the men in the THE BURGER KING MEATNORMOUS™ HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION (sponsored in part by Crestor: “You don’t really want to die, do you, you miserable little piglet?”™) Let our Kumite of the Clipboard begin!!!
Chong Li may have been robbed, but even Van Damme couldn’t get out alive in our version of the Kumite.
We usher in our inaugural tournament with a titanic bout between two of the sport’s most massive minions, two tubs of gooey offensive genius: Mark Mangino, head coach at the University of Kansas, and Ralph Friedgen, head coach at the University of Maryland.
Our introductions, please…
Ralph “Fry Daddy” Friedgen
Rock hard abs meets…
Height: 6′4″
Weight: 300 plus beautiful pounds
Hometown: Harrison, NY
Fighting style: Shooto/hybrid street fighter.
Strengths: A brutal but cerebral fighter who depends on advance scouting and a furious intial rush to win his bouts. (more…)
Although the title to this entry really feels like it is ripe for and EDSBS-style farce involving fries and a shake, it is true. Sanders has a new gig and it is in the SEC where the coaches really should know better. The football powerhouse in Lexington Kentucy has seen fit to hire Mr. Sanders as their new quarterback coach. Perhaps he can do for Andre Woodson what he did for Ainge and Clausen last season.
Sanders is caught here playing with his nipples rather than thinking about the next play call.
