Beastly: Urban Meyer, in addition to recruiting to the hilt on his 25 allotted scholarships for 2006, could actually sign as many as 31 players this spring thanks to recruiting foibles from the prior year when Meyer and his staff scrambled to put together an express class of 18 recruites. Rivals says Meyer’s number one in the handshake wars thus far. So does he, as evidenced here:
That’s number one, gangsta sideways, if you please.
Anyone else note UCLA’s climb up the recruiting ranks, as well? Is Karl Dorrell that mesmerizing?
We’re boning up-heh, boning-on the myriad ways to kill the gulf of potentially productive time stretching out from now until the beginning of the fall speculation season and the golden missive allowing us all to breathe football scented air again, the Phil Steele preseason guide. We’ve come up with a few solid ones thus far:
-The X-Box HBC challenge. Most of you, if you were like us prior to us discovering the HBC challenge, stuck to a relatively shallow pool of teams to play with in NCAA 2005. Diversify yourself and start your own round-robin HBC (historically black college) tournament. Not only will the D- grade teams and frequent fumbles keep even the most apparently lopsided game close, you’ll enjoy gazing at the eye-searing unis and finding out ways to work your sole “impact player” into the offense…even if he happens to be the safety or the kicker. We had one cornerback for the FAMU Rattlers play every snap of the game on offense and on defense, running kicks back in between possessions and then heading to either the RB slot or his original spot in the secondary. This worked gangbusters until he started bleeding from his ass sometime in the third quarter and coughed up his third fumble in as many carries; prior to that, he had 200+ yds receiving, eighty yards rushing, and 200+ in kick/punt returns. You think we’re lying, but it really did say that:
INJURY REPORT: CB, BLEEDING ASS. LENGTH: SIX WEEKS. SORRY, DUDE.
We heartily endorse at least one game as Bethune-Cookman, if only to run the Wyattbone with their ungodly quarterback-we call him “No Pitch” Mitch Nkokoye, even though he’s probably modeled on real-life BCC qb Lawrence McCloud-mostly because giving the ball to anyone else is insanity. BCC’s also fun to play because as you’re running yet another option keeper back eighty yards, you can imagine Alvin Wyatt scoping trim from the sidelines with Teddy Pendergrass playing in his head, stroking his mustache and straightening up the custom-tailored lines of his Steve Harvey Collection™ Suit with the cool aplomb of Daytona Beach’s most lethal ladykiller.
Working the Wyattbone day and night, if you know what we mean…
Or you could fill the hours as we do, by holding your nose and…
-Fisking Matt Hayes’ articles ’till they squeal. If Hayes’ pieces were interrogees, you’d have to withhold the jello cup with dinner to make them talk. (more…)
Florida State’s Lyme diseased quarterback Wyatt Sexton, a.k.a. God, has abandoned his attempt to make a comeback and quit the team.
The man with the kickass quarterback name, Mitch Mustain, has committed to Arkansas…. again. Maybe he just wanted more newpaper articles and message board threads about him. Or maybe he just wanted to get his high school coach a better job.
