Perhaps inspired by Garrett Bushong’s desire to run the Purdue Campus, several UF athletes, including Tim Tebow and Brandon Siler, are staging a coup on the UF campus. The MVP party, as the athlete party is so called, is trying to use their celebrity status to get win control of the Student Government which has a colossal budget of 11 Million bucks to spend. Taking on SEC defenses may be tough, but these athletes may find out that taking on Florida Blue Key might be even tougher.

Oregon, ever the cleverest ducks in the flock, find another loophole in recruiting to exploit: the internet. The Wizard of Odds has the story on the website designed exclusively for recruits, as well as how the University spent $110,000 in an hour on recruiting without involving strippers and gold bullion and still didn’t land a recruiting class of commensurate value.

We are now in the dead period of recruiting that occurs in between the last weekend of official visits and signing day. What can we possibly do to amuse ourselves you ask? Well, how about checking out the top 100 Juniors in high school football. That is why, although we can’t help ourselves from following the saga, recruiting always remains a little bit creepy.

Jeremy Foley keeps Urban Meyer under control during dead period to keep his text messaging in check.

Feldman’s got his piece on the top ten closers in the recruiting game today(subscription required), a list littered with names one expects to see when you’re talking about convincing high schoolers that they are, in fact, God’s chosen axis for the universe to revolve around. Stoops, Meyer, Bowden, Paterno…they’ve all got their own flavor and manner, their own attitude they bring to the interaction. While we won’t steal money from the Worldwide Leader-we know they need to recoup the losses on Mario Lopez’s $15/hr contract for ESPN: Hollywood (hey, plus benefits!)-we thought we’d make our best guesses as to the tricks of the trade, presented here through the onstage correlative each coach best matches in the world of entertainment.

Urban Meyer

Closing schpiel most resembles…….an AC/DC concert. Cannons. Thunder. Urban in a schoolboy’s outfit bursts through the door and lays down the pitch in time to a pounding, lumbering beat. Points and fireworks explode behind him, setting the neighbor’s shrubs on fire in the process. “All the better to rock to,” says Urban, who commands those about to rock to salute him. A ten minute drum solo commences, and Urban pumps his fist and bangs his head in the face of the recruit’s parents until the mother flashes her breasts and the father submits to a jailhouse tattooing of “Meyer” on his chest. The stunned recruit stands up, puts on a “Ballbreaker Tour ‘99 shirt,” and marches out the door as Meyer points toward the horizon triumphantly to the boom of a cannonade’s salute.

Duh. Duh nuh nuh. Duh nuh nuh.

Bob Stoops.

Closing schpiel most represents……a dinner scene from Patton. (Full disclosure: we’re basing this on real-life experience, since we met Stoops and he was one of the most full-bore, type-A, gut you for looking askance at him people we’ve ever met.) (more…)

Matt Leinart? So ‘04. Reggie Bush? Please, we were big on him when we had an IPod Mini. We’re so into the Nano now, and the Nano equivalent would be Jay Cutler, who’s apparently not seen the end of his pre-draft boomlet. This year’s Alex Smith seeks to make jillions from NFL execs with his Senior Bowl workout heroics, which were enough to obscure his mediocre Senior Bowl performance. When the New York Post is writing about you like you’re Lindsey Lohan, it’s time to secure the services of a licensed financial advisor pronto.

We Google Image Searched him, though, and we’ve got one piece of advice for Cutler: back off on the bronzer. It can’t help your grip on the ball.

Now we know how he survived four years behind a Vandy line.