It’s going to be a long off-season, so we’re going to spend most of the three day weekend obliterating the minutes by hanging out with Todd of 1000 Movies and rearranging the Wuerffel Shrine at home. In the meantime, though, we’re also going to be coming up with a new regular feature set to last for most of the offseason: College Football Coaching Death Match, where we’ll pit one coach versus the other in a come-one, come-all fracas. We’ll set up the poll, you vote, and we’ll write up the outcome.

Submit your coaches below, but save your effort on one: you know that in this event, all things begin and end with the odds-on favorite…The Orgeron.

The Orgeron wants y’all to listen up and listen good before he enters the Octagon.

Watching Nancy Grace on The Colbert Report the other night, we felt a twinge of recognition when Nancy Grace talked about seeing the world in “black and white, right and wrong terms.” Colbert responded by saying that he’d been seeing the world for so long like that, he only saw the right anymore.

“I just look in the mirror now. That’s right-me. That’s what’s right.”

Next season, we’ll try to be truthier.

If we only had that Colbert swagger about us…we might not be typing this from the Decatur library now on the free computer with the bottle of window cleaner gripped firmly in our dirty little hand, wondering where we’ll sleep tonight. We started reviewing the “truthiness” of what we’d boldly predicted in the offseason, and quickly came round to the same conclusion we’d started with: no one knows anything, and that includes a VIP seat in said group for us. Our preseason predictions and thoughts were as spotty and arbitrary as anyone else’s-well, except possibly Heismanpundit, who bet us 20 bucks that the National Champion would emerge from the Gang of Six, which excepting USC was a nutsoid bet from the start.

Take our first preseason top ten poll-it’s a veritable strip mall Chinese buffet of deep-fried error. Por ejemplo: We had USC at number one. So did He Win Pang of Chengdu, China, a humble noodle merchant who doesn’t even know where USC is-but he could check the Vegas odds online like the rest of us and see that USC hadn’t lost a game in 32 years or so, and being the savvy, mah-jongg ace he is, he put them there, too. No virtue in that (dui bu qi, He.)

We had USC at number one. So did Mr. He.

Our number two and number three picks solidify our resume to play Corky in the upcoming community theater musical version of Life Goes On, though:

2. Tennessee…If not for honesty, we’d rather piss in our own hair than put them this high on our poll. We would have put Michigan in here happily, but Tennessee’s defense puts them a wooden nickel above the Wolverines in our poll, specifically Jesse Mahelona and the Tennessee line, a batch of maulers of a caliber John Chavis hasn’t had in a while.

We weren’t the only ones completely high on the preseason Big Orange hookah, but at no. 2 we were a few standard deviations outside of reality here. (more…)

In what can only be viewed as a slight to the worldwide leader, Fox Sports puts together a ranking of the greatest college football seasons based on some math-like substances. Their caveat says it all:

This is NOT a ranking of which teams were the best or most talented. This is a formula to find out which teams had the best seasons. Anything else is simply opinion.

Interesting to see that the 2004 Auburn Tigers rank above the 2004 Trojans. Also the 2003 LSU Tigers outrank the 2003 USC Trojans as well. I can already hear the collective outrage of the Pac 10 homers. We’re guessing the formula didn’t quantify “sophistication of offense”.