Mr. Two Cents, the greatest farker on the planet, pulls the trigger on a Photoshop project we’ve been talking about for months. Enjoy his ode to The Onion’s This Dumb Century, done Rose Bowl style.

Genius. Find more of Two Cents’ top cut at the Gator Farkatorium.

Boi From Troy is fairly composed in his grief. Must be the solace he takes in cute baby kangaroos.

ESPN-no doubt trying to catch on to this crazy blogging thing-casts the role of Rose Bowl liveblogger as…Bill Simmons, a man with naught but contempt for the college game. Capital work, boys! He responds to the challenge by cracking on the game and devoting as much text to the ABC promos as he does to the game, working in the requisite groan-worthy 90210 references and tossing off the assignment like it was the Outdoor Games dog-leap competition.

It’s excruciating. A sample:

Note: I loved watching the Monday Bowl games, where the No. 9 team was battling the No. 12 team, and people were pretending that this was even remotely interesting. Oooooooh, if they lose, they could drop from No. 9 to No. 14 for the season! Who cares? Does anyone even keep track of this stuff?

We do, Bill. It doesn’t make sense, but neither does caring about the NBA or watching 90210. It’s the vestiges of something called “being regional,” which you may understand if we put it this way-it’s paying attention to events occurring outside of the Boston metropolitan area and watching a few new shows, reading a few new books, and dropping the horrifically clumsy hip-hop references thrown into ward off the creaking obsolescence of your writing, even though you live in L.A. now and should be picking up some new material.

Stay away from THE GAME, Bill. We’ll stay away from the Darko jokes and writing the phrase “(Insert Name Here) Face.” Deal? Great.

We wish we’d had a better plan for January 5th, but honestly, we thought we’d be staring at the vacuum of eight football-free months, hollow-eyed and sleep-deprived, typing away in our office without hope following a dismal thirty point thrashing in the Rose Bowl Game Like Substance Football Match of whomever ended up on the booty end of USC’s stick. We really thought that-us, sitting here, wondering if we should pick up a new hobby to fill the time.

What we thought we’d be looking at on January 5th. Needlepoint; Rosey Grier did it, right? Must be manly. Beats arson, which got expensive after a while…

Ohhhh….but we were wrong, wrong, wrong. So wrong. So unbelievably, happily, completely and thoroughly wrong. Instead we got the back and forth of the (gulp)…GREATEST GAME WE CAN REMEMBER OFF THE TOP OF OUR HEADS AT THIS VERY INSTANT!!! It really is; we’ll have to revise this statement once we remember a better one. OSU-Miami didn’t quite have the fireworks or totall wattage star power-wise, and though it’s near and dear to our hearts, the FSU/UF Sugar Bowl in 1996 was a redassed beatdown that no one besides a Gator fan loves to drink a twelver to while watching three times in a row on a Lazy Sunday. (Really, we don’t sit there rewinding the Ike Hilliard brake-and-fake over and over again…really…)

But this game exceeded all and any expectations, even those proposed by the theoretical Bruckheimer scale of sports drama. (”Johnny, you’ve got to make this 45-foot 3-pointer, or the meteor strikes the earth and kills us all. You, the orphans, the disproportionately hot girl you’re dating, your fabulous sports car…yes, even the President and his pet monkey Jim-Jim. Do it for us. Do it for your country.”Cue asspain inducing Aerosmith theme song in background.)

Unbelievable Bruckheimer elements making up said dramatic resume:

1. Turnovers galore! (more…)

Do you think the Longhorns watched all month as ESPN performed constant fellatio on the USC Trojans 2005 team? Did the feel just a bit disrespected that the worldwide leader spent far less time talking about the Rose Bowl matchup than they did mythically pitting USC’s second best team in the last 2 years against historically great teams, only to find that noone could stop these Trojans? Perhaps Vince Young felt a little miffed when ESPN decided it would be the number campaigner for Reggie Bush’s Heisman run. Well, Texas got the last word and it was a resounding one. Although Reggie Bush might make for a better pro prospect, Vince Young proved he was the best college player in the country last night. It was clear and unequivocal. Texas had to stop a myriad of USC future first rounders yet they were able to contain Bush save for one big play. USC had only to watch for one playmaker but Young was simply too good. Take that Bristol University!

Who’s the man? That’s right Vince, you’re the man. Now go get yourself paid for this stuff.