Shame on us for not discussing it before now, but Ed Orgeron appears to be settling in just fine at Ole Miss by allegedly calling players with earrings “fucking pussy girls” (is that a Chinese translation for lesbian?), labeling the Cotton Bowl “bullshit,” and taking off his shirt and challenging every “motherfucker” in the room to a fight…all in the course of a single team meeting. He then exited the lockerroom, made violent, thrashing love to the first woman who crossed his path (twice), felled a Spanish oak with a single blow of his mighty ham-shaped hand, and ate a flat screen tv with tabasco on it just ’cause that’s what a real man does. (Please, if any of you USC types have any other dement-Ed stories, let us have ‘em in the comments section.)
Like David Allen Coe, Ed Orgeron is totally waiting outside to kick your ass.
Who says Big 12 media day sux? Check out this scintillating quote from coach/ beggar Mack Brown on OT Jonathan Scott:
I will apologize that he is wearing red shorts because he spilled steak grease on his pants last night and he couldn’t get it off. He would not be up here in those ugly red shorts if he had not spilled grease on his pants. He will not be playing tight end because he can’t catch. We discussed that last night, too.
Pants, grease, shorts, getting things off, tight ends…Paris says that’s hot.
The investigation into the tragic death of Aaron O’Neal at Missouri’s pre-season workout has thus far revealed some troubling problems. According to a university police report, O’Neal was not taken to the hospital across the street from the practice field immediately upon his collapse. Rather, the report reveals, that O’Neal was first taken to the trainer’s facility where he arrived unconscious. At that point the police were called but by the time they arrived he was in full cardiac arrest. O’Neal was ultimately taken to the hospital where he was pronounced dead 90 minutes after first collapsing. Its an absolute tragedy and almost astonishing to think that after the rash of heat related deaths some 5 years ago that he wasn’t taken to the hospital sooner. We can only speculate as to whether that would have made a difference, but we’ll leave that up to the inevitable lawsuit to figure out.
We may have found a new whipping boy: SEC head of officiating Bobby Gaston. In addition to a whole host of baffling and no doubt haphazardly instituted rules to emphasize, Gaston also provided us with the quote of the year thus far:
“We’re walking on unchartered waters.”
…
“You’ll never guess where this finger’s been. I’ve always wanted to say that on national tv. First down!
Have You Met Tony? gets in on the act by telling us a few more things we didn’t know about Urban Meyer.
This USA Today interview may give Gator fans a brief spell of the screaming fantods, especially this quote:
Q: Are Meyer and Ron Zook comparable in terms of personality?
A: They’re very similar in a lot of ways…
Count to ten, breathe deep, stand away from the ledge…he said personality.
The SEC Media days were a hot ticket this year with the return to Birmingham of that subpeona-fleeing, orange clad, cheeto-eating prison wardon from Knoxville (who despite all that is actaully a great coach) and the gun-slinging, sharp-tongued, evil genius from Columbia in attendance. Despite the paneply of new and/or high profile coaches, it was the Ole Ball Coach stealing the show in the eyes of the media. He was noticably more subdued than in most years when he would usually take shots at his opponents and ALWAYS take shots at former commissioner and BCS entusuiast Roy Kramer, but that didn’t stop ESPN and rest of the gaggle of media from their group swoon. For now, Spurrier refrained from talk of SEC championships and has kept his sights on respect.
“Hopefully we get a little respect, but we’ve got to earn it. You can’t just say ‘Spurrier’s coaching South Carolina.’ That’s not going to mean much to the players.”
Attention, Warren St. John: here’s your real caption winner.
Choice questions from BGS, who deserve thanks for hosting this round.
1. Who are your rivals? Traditionally Georgia’s the big game on the schedule, but there’s no real animus there for us. They’ve got a cute dog, they haven’t consistently whooped up on us for a decade, and their fans, despite throwing a bolt at our head once, have never really made my gorge rise the way certain others do. (They’ve got attractive women in plaid skirts who greet even the lowly band when you come as a visitor to the school-probably has something to do with it.) Plus we like Richt, despite his pedigree and Bowdenesque disciplinary policies.
Florida State is a cardiac serious one, and probably the consensus pick for the Gator fan’s Moriarty/Voldemort/Lundberg of choice. They make it worse by beating us most of the time and patting players on the head while they steal the colostomy bags off senior citizens. (We’ve always wondered what Randy Moss really did to get kicked out there; sure, it was weed. We bet he shot a hapless fratboy in the face in broad daylight for scuffing his kicks and yelled “Riverside, motherfucker!” after he did it.) We just puked typing that, so that must be close.
FSU has a habit of “Riverside, motherfucker”-ing the Gators.
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Westerdawg’s handing out preseason awards of his own. Kudos for the 9 to 5 reference; if we could replay the downs of our life again, we’d do our damnedest to lose our virginity to Dolly Parton. She’d have been so sweet about the whole thing.
