In what has been the most amusing ongoing story of the college football offseason, the Tom Cruise saga has gotten a bit funnier thanks to www.tomcruiseisnuts.com. Check out all the great quotes of Mr. Cruise as well as the disclaimer:
Our use of the term “nuts” is meant, as defined in Webster’s, as a reference to an “eccentric” person. That’s all. We do not mean to in any way denigrate or belittle anyone with mental illness. In fact, we take mental illness very serously, which is why Mr. Cruise’s ill-informed rant inspired us to create this website. We don’t have anything personally against Mr. Cruise, either. We think he’s a first-class actor and a humanitarian. We did used to worry that he was a misguided zealot, but that’s all. Now we think he’s a dangerous, misguided zealot.
Given that the site pokes fun at Scientology, we fully expect it to be gone soon and the creators brainwashed, so read it soon. And check out this post for more Cruise hillarity.
Thanks to Salon.com’s gossip column for this one.
Mike “son of Jim” Fassel has been named the Director of Football Operations at Princeton. Fassel was a walk-on place kicker for Boston College who received his degree in 2004… yes, last year. Man I wish my dad was an NFL coach.
Sure, attentions must be paid to the peerless misbehavior at Tennessee and South Carolina this past offseason. But don’t sleep on Ole Miss, who’s had ten players and coaches involved in jailarity in the past two years. The coaches’ arrests are particulary funny to us, like Ed Orgeron took his boys from USC and said, “Dude, it’s Mississippi: you can get loaded for nothing down there.” Their combined misbehaviors make them our dark horse candidate for winning the competitive 2005 SEC Penal Prize. Yes, we spellchecked that before typing the word “penal,” and yes, we just giggled a little. We’re taking nominations for the official icon of the award below, as in “The Switzer,” or “The Dooley.”
Georgia Tech AD Dave Braine says Georgia Tech has hired a lawyer to “evaluate their options” in fighting some of the NCAA sanctions levied against the program following a series of academic compliance fiascoes in the Chan Gailey era. Trying to avoid probation is one thing, but PR-wise, the Jackets couldn’t be fighting from a weaker position following the arrest of Reuben Houston and his magical hundred-pound sack of weed. The NCAA seems to smell blood, too: a hearing on whether the dreaded “lack of institutional control” is the status quo at Tech is now imminent, meaning additional penalties on top of those Tech pre-emptively imposed already. In other news, Chan Gailey set his pants on fire on Saturday trying to light his corncob pipe, chuckling good-naturedly to himself at the Flying Biscuit on 10th St. in Midtown while receiving second-degree burns on his legs.
Chan Gailey warms his hands around the fire coming from his flaming pants.
Urban-we’re down like that, you know, just Urban, or sometimes U, or maybe U-God when we’re feeling street-gives a little insight into what many coaches are no doubt wondering about the new replay systems being implemented in almost every conference this year.
While Fanblogs is telling us FSU and Miami’s preview cover is the leading seller among Athlon’s preseason editions, we couldn’t help but notice the Tennessee/Vanderbilt cover is right there with a strong third place finish. There could be only one explanation: the unstoppable efforts of the Vanderbilt marketing machine.
There are some people you can trust with screen doors, fireworks, and rakes lying unseen in the yard. And then there’s Bill Callahan, whom we haven’t trusted an iota since we watched him send a team onto the field against a defense fully cognizant of its audibles without changing its signals a bit. In a game called the Super Bowl-did we mention that, too?
So while we doubt his gameday management and planning, we do think he’d make a great America’s Funniest Home Videos subject (”And the winner goes to “Man Steps on Rake, from Lincoln, Nebraska.”) We’re not the only ones who seem to suspect this, either:
He doesn’t have extraordinary breakaway speed, but he offers a good blend of size and quickness and runs with authority. By 2007, he’ll be piling up yards, unless Callahan screws things up.
Ah, one can almost hear John Lynch sounding out the plays as they’re called and laughing simultaneously…
In Bob Saget’s voice: “Here’s one guy from Nebraska who definitely doesn’t get a kick out of Karate! Heh. Please, I’ve been doing this shit for seven years. Kill me. Please. I’m out of ad libs. Sweet death is my only possible escape.”
