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BILL CALLHAN: RAKE-STEPPER

There are some people you can trust with screen doors, fireworks, and rakes lying unseen in the yard. And then there's Bill Callahan, whom we haven't trusted an iota since we watched him send a team onto the field against a defense fully cognizant of its audibles without changing its signals a bit. In a game called the Super Bowl-did we mention that, too?
So while we doubt his gameday management and planning, we do think he'd make a great America's Funniest Home Videos subject ("And the winner goes to "Man Steps on Rake, from Lincoln, Nebraska.") We're not the only ones who seem to suspect this, either:

He doesn't have extraordinary breakaway speed, but he offers a good blend of size and quickness and runs with authority. By 2007, he'll be piling up yards, unless Callahan screws things up.

Ah, one can almost hear John Lynch sounding out the plays as they're called and laughing simultaneously...

In Bob Saget's voice: "Here's one guy from Nebraska who definitely doesn't get a kick out of Karate! Heh. Please, I've been doing this shit for seven years. Kill me. Please. I'm out of ad libs. Sweet death is my only possible escape."