The brave new world of EDSBS Live on talkshoe begins tonight. Click below to listen at 9:00 as we boldly trainwreck our way through the process.
Hear you tonight, provided our morbid fear of competently managing an online radio show doesn’t overcome us once again.
(PS. We’re scientific, even in our torture of others.)
Dan Mullen will be the new coach at Mississippi State, according to ESPN.com and the Clarion Ledger. If so, then au revoir, Dan, and happy sailing.
What you will be receiving in exchange for a large paycheck payable to one Dan Mullen: a man who wrote so many plays on index cards as an assistant at Syracuse that he developed a strange fungal infection on his hand, forcing him to wear a glove for the remainder of the season. He’s obsessed, naturally caffeinated, and his offenses really do adjust to the personnel they have, a claim every coach with an offensive “system” makes but few actually live up to once they get going.
He is a superb hire who may do this strange and potentially frightening thing called “scoring points.” Be not afraid, People of the Cowbell. This is permitted under NCAA by-laws.
Will this be a distraction before the national title game? OF COURSE NOT. Look! A BABY SEAL AWWWWW!!!!!
Todd Graham is in the running for the Auburn head coaching spot. Todd Graham, current coach at Tulsa, is the same guy who negotiated in the bathroom on his cell phone with Tulsa while simultaneously hashing out the details of a contract extension with Rice. Graham signed that extension and then immediately bolted to Tulsa. Graham, for our purposes, wears a label in our head that reads “Sierra Petrino Mist Lite.”
Did I come here with anyone? That football team? No, we’re just friends. I can leave with you as soon as I settle up my bar tab.
If Graham and Patrick Nix are in the discussion, several things have become clear. One, Turner Gill stands a much better chance of going to Syracuse than coming down to Auburn, meaning someone at Auburn-or someones, given the Polyphonic Spree engaged in the coaching search-is floating these names to keep the public thinking something, anything is going on in a semi-orderly fashion.
Two, it means Leach is dead and out of the conversation, especially with Graham Harrell reversing and saying it’s likely the coach will stay at Texas Tech. Miracles could occur: Alabama spent the better part of a month digging after Nick Saban, an exercise in extreme discomfort eventually yielding to one of the flashier and more effective hires in recent SEC memory. Saban was a longshot who came through, but there’s no obvious candidate in the pool right now for Auburn of a comparable profile.
This sounds like doom and gloom and for the most part, it should be. Auburn fired/had their coach resign/whatever at the worst possible moment, a bit of timing we can’t ascribe to some long-held grudge on Tuberville’s part as much as we’d like to. (The fiction of that scenario, though, is delicious stuff, indeed.) If Todd Graham’s tap-dancing in living room for the job, it’s tree-shredder-swan-dive time for you, Auburn fan. (Current address: 666 Bonesear Lane, Football Hell.)
In a former life, we worked with refugees. You may be shocked to hear this, but being a refugee is not the carefree, global-Huck Finn-with-a-knapsack existence you might think it is. It’s certainly not as fun as Bono makes it sound:
Most refugees come from places where governance and common sense have broken down completely, business has ground to a halt, education is scanty at best, and the very mouth of hell itself has opened up and disgorged its contents onto the ground where they live.
Then, having survived that, they get to live in a tent next to other people living off UN crackers and juice for a few years before they are assigned to live in places like Clarkston, Georgia. They then attempt to support their families on nine dollar an hour jobs. It’s better than being killed en masse because of their tribal affiliation, religion, or, you know, just because crazy-ass third world madman thought you needed to die today, but it’s definitely not easy.
They can be very charming people though, and like most people that charm is most evident in their kids, which brings us to the EDSBS Christmas gift. (more…)
Want one reason not to vote for Graham Harrell for Heisman? BOOM.
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Tressel should wear that hat all the time. From Spawn of MZone: Send your own ElfYourself eCards
Terrelle Pryor’s extremely serious “I’m an artist and a dancer, but saying both is really redundant” look on his face makes that especially delightful. Because we know you’re a whore. Bobby Petrino’s buyout? Yours thanks to the hard-filing fingers of Arkansas fans who now may recite the Freedom of Information Act by heart: A copy of Petrino’s 39-page contract was obtained from the university by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette on Monday through Freedom of Information Act requests. Petrino’s buyout is unusual in that it is scaled, decreasing with each year of his contract. The first year is a ballbreaker, though: $8.75 million, though Charlie Weis’ buyout laughed at your buyout in the locker room, Arkansas, and suggested your girlfriend would prefer his enormous one instead. Middle-aged columnists on the loose, vol one! Mike Bianchi says George O’Leary has to go following the collapse and kidney failure of running back Brandon Adams in drills, a chilling event given UCF player Ereck Plancher’s death during conditioning drills this past offseason. Really, O’Leary’s just like the abusive drunk rage-fiending Irish grandfather you never had, running you until your kidneys fall out of your ass. Fire him, and you’ll lose the chance to be an Irish novelist! Middle-aged columnists on the loose, vol two! Paul Finebaum calls Auburn AD Paul Jacobs a “buffoon” for the discombobulated job search at Auburn. I have spoken with countless athletic directors over the years and all of the good ones have lists in their desk drawers of prospective candidates. Apparently, the only thing Jacobs has in his top left drawer is a bag of Gummi Bears. In Jacobs’ defense, Gummi Bears are delicious. So are stories of Auburn board members making independent efforts to hire a coach without consulting the AD or President. By all accounts it is complete anarchy. Yarr, retraction. Graham Harrell now says Mike Leach will likely stay at Texas Tech. |
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For starters, you could try this BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH:
Available now on Amazon. If you’d like to get us something else, you can buy Mike Freeman, Oxford graduate and PhD candidate at Awesometown University, a clue.
(Actually, there is something you can get EDSBS for Christmas, but we’ll get on that tomorrow.)
ps. Also: Colt McCoy is accurate in ways you hadn’t imagined.
Florida will take the month plus between now and the BCS title game to heal up, something the Gators desperately need to do considering both injuries brought into the SEC Championship game and a few they picked up in the Korean street riot of the game itself. Kestahn Moore sprained his knee, Percy Harvin’s Ferrari legs are up on blocks for the moment (though he may run as soon as later this week) and Chris Rainey has a groin problem. (Overuse.)
Even at the college level we are talking about precise athletes with a deep understanding of their own bodies and their strengths. Rainey, for example, has a very precise understanding of his own pain, according to the Gainesville Sun.
He’s received cortisone shots before each game to take some of the pain away, but Rainey said that it only cures about 93 percent of the pain.
That seven percent is a motherfucker, though it’s nice to know his body post-cortisone shot only charges him a sales tax-comparable pain fee for injury.
Chris Rainey, seen here wearing exactly 53 percent of a shirt, should be at least 92 percent for the bowl game.
We now present the only guide to bowl watching you’ll need: every bowl game previewed in just ten words each.
EagleBank Bowl: Wake Forest vs. Navy, Washington, D.C. RFK Stadium Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN.
Take early “working” lunch! Eat piggishly.Fall asleep on desk.
That app combo plate is a devastator.
New Mexico Colorado State vs. Fresno State, Albuquerque University Stadium Dec. 20, 2:30 p.m. ESPN
It takes ten words to say: “You won’t watch this.”
magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl! Memphis vs. South Florida, St. Petersburg. Fla, Tropicana Field, Dec. 20, 4:30 p.m. ESPN2
Bonus of covering this? Hustling shuffleboard money, meds off geezers. (more…)
Steve Sarkisian is robo-calling you from the Washington Huskies’ burnt-out football offices. It has to sound something like this:
MP3 File
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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