For starters, you could try this BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH:
Available now on Amazon. If you’d like to get us something else, you can buy Mike Freeman, Oxford graduate and PhD candidate at Awesometown University, a clue.
(Actually, there is something you can get EDSBS for Christmas, but we’ll get on that tomorrow.)
ps. Also: Colt McCoy is accurate in ways you hadn’t imagined.
Florida will take the month plus between now and the BCS title game to heal up, something the Gators desperately need to do considering both injuries brought into the SEC Championship game and a few they picked up in the Korean street riot of the game itself. Kestahn Moore sprained his knee, Percy Harvin’s Ferrari legs are up on blocks for the moment (though he may run as soon as later this week) and Chris Rainey has a groin problem. (Overuse.)
Even at the college level we are talking about precise athletes with a deep understanding of their own bodies and their strengths. Rainey, for example, has a very precise understanding of his own pain, according to the Gainesville Sun.
He’s received cortisone shots before each game to take some of the pain away, but Rainey said that it only cures about 93 percent of the pain.
That seven percent is a motherfucker, though it’s nice to know his body post-cortisone shot only charges him a sales tax-comparable pain fee for injury.
Chris Rainey, seen here wearing exactly 53 percent of a shirt, should be at least 92 percent for the bowl game.
We now present the only guide to bowl watching you’ll need: every bowl game previewed in just ten words each.
EagleBank Bowl: Wake Forest vs. Navy, Washington, D.C. RFK Stadium Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN.
Take early “working” lunch! Eat piggishly.Fall asleep on desk.
That app combo plate is a devastator.
New Mexico Colorado State vs. Fresno State, Albuquerque University Stadium Dec. 20, 2:30 p.m. ESPN
It takes ten words to say: “You won’t watch this.”
magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl! Memphis vs. South Florida, St. Petersburg. Fla, Tropicana Field, Dec. 20, 4:30 p.m. ESPN2
Bonus of covering this? Hustling shuffleboard money, meds off geezers. (more…)
Steve Sarkisian is robo-calling you from the Washington Huskies’ burnt-out football offices. It has to sound something like this:
MP3 File