RYAN LEAF DIDN’T ASK FOR THESE POWERS
Mike Bellotti: Hey, Dennis. Is that Ryan Leaf over there?
Dennis Dixon: Who?
Ryan Leaf: Hey guys! Man, it’s great being on the sidelines again! I feel like I could suit up!
Bellotti: DAMMIT!!! Get him the hell off the sidelines! NOW! DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO!!!!NOW!!!!
Leaf: What, man? I’m just throwing the ball around over here, watchin’ my little bro play…
Dennis Dixon: AAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!!! FUCK!!!!! My knee! My potentially nationally titled, amazingly gifted yet fragile knee!!!
Dixon’s knee: I’m not supposed to bend like an elbow, right?
Dennis Dixon: Um, no. Fuck.
Bellotti: I told you. It’s too late now, but remember that I tried to warn you. All we can do now is meditate and hope for peace and serenity as I’m doing right now.
Arizona fans: WOOOOOOOOO!!!! GO CATS!!!!! OWWWWWWW BURRRRRRRRRRN!!!
Leaf: What, man? I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!!
Bellotti: You don’t understand, do you? Even after all these years. You are a harbinger of inescapable disaster, Ryan. Whatever you associate with implodes, loses, or suffers incalculable trauma. Say the words Bangladesh, for example.
Leaf: Bangla-where?
Entire republic of Bangladesh: DAMN YOU RYAN LEAF!!!
Leaf: That’s crap, man! What if I just said the words, “Alex, my friend who trains Beluga Whales.” What would…
Alex: MRPRHAPHFMRPH DAMN YOU LEAF MRRPHH MPRRRRPHA AAAGGGHHH
Whale: REVEEEEEENNNNNNNGGGGEEE!!! I AIN’T WORKIN’ FOR HERRING NO MORE!
1
NewAZTiger says:
Ryan Leaf, can you say “Alabama” One time? Just one?
November 16th, 2007 at 10:15 am
2
nicksabanishunglikeanelf says:
fuck you
November 16th, 2007 at 10:18 am
3
Brewster Crew says:
Now I understand everything. Ryan Leaf said that Notre Dame was going in the right direction before the start of the season*.
*blatent lie
November 16th, 2007 at 10:18 am
4
corey bailey says:
You know what would be some nice salt in the wounds? If they had played every single Peyton Manning commercial in-between interviews with Ryan Leaf.
It would be stingy.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:18 am
5
them oklahoma says:
””
Karma says, “your welcome”.
-and, if the image doesn’t show up…as the internets are inclined to do…here’s what I’m talking about: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v192/goodpain/allenpatrick.jpg
November 16th, 2007 at 10:19 am
6
jtlight says:
As a Duck fan, thank you for making my morning just a little above completely miserable.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:21 am
7
AlGator says:
“fuck you
Comment by nicksabanishunglikeanelf ”
Getting Croomed two years in a row - when your coach doesn’t have time for that shit - will make a person say such things.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:23 am
8
gerry dorsey says:
@ them oklahoma,
it would be karma if they lost by a blown call…which they didn’t…just sayin.’
now back to the matter at hand…fuck that fuckin’ leaf family!!!
November 16th, 2007 at 10:25 am
9
dc bruin says:
I love that Leaf’s Buccaneers tshirt in the photo up there is folded in such a way that it looks like it says “cancer” on his chest…too appropriate.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:27 am
10
DW says:
Ryan, say GO BUCKS!!!!!!
November 16th, 2007 at 10:31 am
11
Kahuna says:
Dammit, Orson, you just had to go over the top with that whale picture. Now the troll in the cubicle next door is going to insist on knowing what’s so funny and then wonder why I’m laughing so hard if it’s really “nothing”. Thanks, buddy.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:35 am
12
WWJD says:
No one made Oregon recruit baby Leaf (Sprout? Bud?). They brought it on themselves.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:36 am
13
Walter says:
You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!
November 16th, 2007 at 10:36 am
14
them oklahoma says:
8-
Yeah, it’s a stretch. I know. But, when you consider that Oregon probably would have made a very makeable comeback if Dixon hadn’t turned his knee (having done so without being hit, or touched for that matter…a freak accident)…that’s an act of the football gods. Hense, even though it could be a stretch, I call it karma. Doesn’t have to be done in a fashion that mirrors the prior violation of all things right. Just as long as it’s freakish and painfull.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:38 am
15
tim in tampa says:
Whomever produced last night’s latenight SportsCenter apparently had included a Ryan Leaf joke in the runup to the game highlights that the anchor (I can’t remember which one) came to and stopped, refusing to say the joke. It was an awkward moment, something along the times of “…and seeing as Brady Leaf is an amateur athlete I won’t read a joke at his brother’s expense.”
November 16th, 2007 at 10:38 am
16
dudis41 says:
Mao….
November 16th, 2007 at 10:39 am
17
Coop says:
#8 - Oregon lost Dixon to a freak non-contact injury last night. And Brady Leaf, who basically platooned with Dixon last season while Crowton was around, proved to be beyond inept against a horrid defense.
Maybe it was not karma, but Oregon definitely had some bad mojo working last night, which all can be attributed to…
Ryan Leaf.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:40 am
18
Seven Years in Gainesville says:
#13
You’re killing your father, Larry.
Also, you get a COCKTAIL.
And now, for some substance: Assuming Dixon doesn’t see any action til the Rose/whatever Bowl, does this eliminate Dennis Dixon from Heisemans contention, or does it prove his value and clinch it for him?
November 16th, 2007 at 10:45 am
19
TC#27 says:
MAO!!!!!!!!!
Who’s next????
Oklahoma???
Kansas???
Missouri????
November 16th, 2007 at 10:48 am
20
Boston Frog says:
Let’s see…BYU…maybe Utah…a conference rival…
Oh, screw it. Who cares if we don’t play them anymore? Say TEXAS A&M, Ryan! Say it! Tell us that the Aggies are going to hire a GREAT new coach to replace Fran!
Come to think of it… Isn’t Ryan Leaf an assistant coach at West Texas A&M right now? I hope he signs a lifetime contract.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:51 am
21
DJ says:
Wow, leave it to them oklahoma to show how sooner fans can hold a grudge for so long. Even if you had beaten Oregon, Texas would have still made you their bitch, and you would have still found yourselves on the business end of a Boise State fleshpole at the end of the year.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:51 am
22
yoyofutbawl says:
Ryan, Coach Nutt wants you to be on his sideline Saturday. Call him now & confirm, hop on the next plane to Little Rock. Then, give The Orgeron a ring. He needs you next Friday at 12 Noon in Starksville.
Send your expenses to Larry Templeton, Director of Athletics, MSU Athletic Dept, Mississippi State, MS 39762.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:54 am
23
Matt says:
Ryan Leaf says:
“Jim Tressell owns Michigan!”
November 16th, 2007 at 10:57 am
24
Allahver Fist says:
Ryan Leaf is the 4th bullet.
November 16th, 2007 at 10:58 am
25
Coop says:
I thought Leaf was the men’s golf coach at UTEP? I am not joking, at one time Leaf was the men’s golf coach at UTEP. Guy is about a scratch player in reality.
I would assume that Mike Price helped get him the job. I would also assume Price is sympathetic about giving people second chances, as he got the UTEP gig because the President of UTEP was once the President of Washington State.
Also, he is grateful for riding Leaf to the Rose Bowl in a game in which they “should” have defeated Michigan.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:00 am
26
Chips O'Toole says:
#22
I didn’t know that Chris Farley was playing the Miss. State Athletics director when he appeared on the Japanese game show.
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/94/94hjapan.phtml
November 16th, 2007 at 11:01 am
27
Ryan Leaf says:
Michigan
November 16th, 2007 at 11:06 am
28
SonofSamford says:
Who bent that dude’s head?
November 16th, 2007 at 11:08 am
29
Digital Headbutt says:
Remember the implications of this: because of the injury to Dennis Dixon’s knee, we might see literally dozens of football players suffer career-ending injuries in their attempt to carry a victorious Mark Mangino off the field in New Orleans this January.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:09 am
30
Erik says:
Unfortunately, LSU has about 5 competent backup QBs. So much for Ole Miss pulling an Arizona this weekend on CBS.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:12 am
31
Alex says:
kansas wouldn’t have to worry about that b/c no way the could beat LSU
November 16th, 2007 at 11:17 am
32
Techie says:
Ryan Leaf says: “Matthew Stafford reminds me a lot of myself.”
November 16th, 2007 at 11:17 am
33
Hmmmmm says:
“Remember the implications of this: because of the injury to Dennis Dixon’s knee, we might see literally dozens of football players suffer career-ending injuries in their attempt to carry a victorious Mark Mangino off the field in New Orleans this January.”
That is just flat out funny.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:18 am
34
them oklahoma says:
21-
It’s not so much holding a grudge (but, hey, we do hold a grudge when applicable. ie- Notre Dame and USC don’t exactly hold large fan bases here. Those fuckers have scoreboard on us, so they can suck it. texas isn’t so much a grudge as it is a well deserved hate). I have no problem in recognizing that OU wouldn’t have run the table if the Pac 10 hadn’t screwed the Sooners with their pants on. The team was too young/inexperienced to beat texas (though they did spank them on the stats. youth is what lost that game) and Boise State is something I won’t speak of. Doesn’t change the fact that your (pac ten) refs have built up some big bad mojo that came back to bite not only Oregon but the Pac Ten as a whole. No BCS title game for you! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
November 16th, 2007 at 11:18 am
35
Pat says:
Damn it does say “Cancer ” on the Buc’s shirt. That is Awesome!
November 16th, 2007 at 11:21 am
36
gerry dorsey says:
@ 29 erik
lsu’s starting qb has yet to prove to me that he’s anything more than “competent”…so keep hope alive brother.
and coop, there are a number of shitty qb’s out there who are scratch golfers…its what they do while not worrying about annoying details like play books and film watching.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:22 am
37
PW says:
I thought Mangino was entering and leaving the Superdome on a floating platform with Boba Fett.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:25 am
38
HooShotYa says:
I didn’t realize until last night that Dennis Dixon is a dead ringer for Avon Barksdale. I guess the turf at Arizona Stadium is the Baltimore PD.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:25 am
39
rebel84 says:
22,
You know Larry Templeton wouldn’t pay for Leaf to fly to Little Rock. He’s make him drive, because flying is too expensive. Got to keep it in the black, remember?
November 16th, 2007 at 11:40 am
40
The Bull-Gator says:
Wow, no one pulled the “With Great Power come Great Responsibility” card?
Ok then . . .
Well, it explains a lot about Leaf. No sense of responsibility = great disasters.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:43 am
41
GTSteve says:
I’m curious about breathalyzer results around the time you wrote this article, Orson.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:51 am
42
Scalz1 says:
Karma is a motherfucker. Remember when they were interviewing Belotti after the Michigan game?
Belotti: “Make sure you get the scoreboard in the shot.”
Cosmic doughnut, my friend, the cosmic doughnut.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
43
Beatuofa says:
In the south, they call it getting Croomed. Out west, you get STOOPS’D. Full credit to the commenter last night who came up with the term.
And my sympathies to the Duck fan above. Believe me, there are lots of ASU fans with obnoxious au neighbors feeling your pain this morning.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
44
Jeff from LA says:
Wow, #33, that is quite a lot of hate for the Pac 10. I’m used to it from the SEC fans, but not as much from the Big 12.
Still, the fricking football gods had to unleash the Antichrist on the Pac 10 this year. Fricking Ryan Leaf. He must have bet on us in that Stanford game.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
45
Digital Headbutt says:
Alex: I never said anything about their opponent. As of right now, LSU is in position to go to the BCS, and they appear not to have any truly major obstacles ahead of them. By rule of this season’s precedent, they must fall Ryan Periloux throws 3 interceptions, fumbles twice, and Darren McFadden singlehandedly save Houston Nutt’s job.
Come to think of tit, that, may be an even more unlikely scenario. But stranger things have happened this season.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
46
Digital Headbutt says:
*”it”. God, my keyboard has a dirty mind.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
47
Brian says:
Ryan Leaf is yes a coach for West Texas A&M, which is a good D 2 program. Also, he yes is the golf coach at the same school. The best part is that the HC of the football team was a former head coach in the funniest football league ever: the, no shitting, Intense Football League. INTENSE!!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intense_Football_League
November 16th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
48
DC Trojan says:
Them Oklahoma, the Sooners were up by 13 with a minute and a half to go. The refs weren’t the ones who let Dixon run into the endzone for a touchdown (Oklahoma still up by 6) before they blew the calls on the onside kick and pass interference. They also didn’t have first and 10 at the Oregon 27 with 40 seconds to go and miss a field goal.
That’s not karma, that’s choking.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
49
UgasTexan says:
Has anyone else noticed which former #2 heard the gun go “click?”
My guess is that next weekend, The Big Blue Marble will experience some concentrated global warming right to the temple in the form of a Chase Daniel spiral. Anyone?
November 16th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
50
yoyofutbawl says:
38
How true. Greyhound, here comes Mr Leaf.
November 16th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
51
Futbawl Fan says:
Ryan, I need you to call my soon-to-be ex-wife’s lawyer
…(404) 222-9922 ask to speak to Johnny
November 16th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
52
Ryan Leaf says:
I love Mac Brown and the Texas Longhorns. Colt McCoy will pass for a brazillion yards, and sneak away with the Heisman trophy.
November 16th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
53
atlanta domer says:
No kidding, when they showed him on the sidelines I looked at my wife (an Oregon native) and said, “Sorry honey - they’re screwed now”. 10 minutes later Dixon goes down inexplicably - I went ahead and changed the channel. I like “car crashes” unless I know they are coming.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
54
PortTrojan says:
Walter,
Big Lebowski references are always welcome. Thanks.
November 17th, 2007 at 1:06 am
55
AZDuck says:
Poster number one must have gotten his wish - UL Monroe wins! I don’t know if those words have ever been written. I’ve certainly never seen them.
And, uh, Jokelahoma fans?
Heh.
November 18th, 2007 at 12:40 am