Houston Nutt is done at Arkansas, per local news. . More to come…

That’s Brasiliera Juliana Paes, our Friday Cheesecake. Isn’t she festive? We hate premature holiday celebration, but we forgive her because she is very attractive. Being very attractive in society will get you many, many things: money, sex, fame, the kindness of strangers, unwanted attention from sexual predators. Life’s not fair like that, especially if you’re unattractive and want the attention of sexual predators. (Hey-we’ve got all the emails of Kissing Suzy Kolber’s staff. We’ll hook you up if that’s what you’re looking for.)

But you do get something back, since being a reader of this blog means that, when we remember, you get tasteful bunda shots of Juliana Paes. So even if you’re not attractive, remember: you can always come here and look at attractive people every now and then. Life’s a push like that sometimes.

More shots follow-SFW, but not really, no? Enjoy. Or don’t, if you don’t like looking at women in bikinis.

(more…)

The important injuries for week twelve of the college football season. Most are factual.

Body Count’s in the house.

Mike Hart and Chad Henne both limp into the Ohio State game. Hart is playing through a high ankle sprain and will likely play. Henne has a leg injury and also suffers from being Chad Henne, and will likely play in between ill-explained appearances by Ryan Mallett.

On tOSU’s side, Chris “Beanie” Wells is struggling through ankle and wrist injuries. He’ll play.

Percy Harvin was hospitalized earlier this week for a sinus infection and will miss the Florida Atlantic game this weekend, the second he’s missed due to illness. A high-performance machine like him is bound to spend some time in the shop, man.

Kentucky’s Rafael Little will play against Georgia this weekend after making “significant progress” from a back injury.

Colt Brennan is officially “probable” for tonight’s game against Nevada, which starts at 11:00 p.m., when we will be officially “hammered to bejeezus” at a birthday party.

Cornerback Vontae Davis is also feeling drunk on Concussionade, and is questionable for Illinois’ game against Northwestern.

Running back Tashard Choice’s knee is also probable for Georgia Tech due to a knee injury for the game against the suddenly pulse-having North Carolina Tar Heels. When asked what the odds are of Choice playing, Coach Chan Gailey answered, “Oh, about 7 to 5.”

Guard Will Arnold and LB Daryl Beckwith are doubtful and questionable for the LSU Tigers’ game against Ole Miss this weekend, making them either injured or admirably skeptical of all things around them.

Maryland RB Keon Lattimore is questionable with a hamstring injury. When reached for comment, coach Ralph Friedgen said “Mmmm, ham. String.”

Texas Tech wide receivers Todd Walker, Lyle Leong, and L.A. Reed are all questionable for the Red Raiders’ game against the Oklahoma Sooners, taking Texas Tech’s total wideout corps down to a mere 16 healthy receivers.

Oklahoma will be missing Auston English, who would find playing with a metal rod in his broken foot difficult, so they’re not gonna let him play. DT Steven Coleman, though, will play despite a strained abdominal muscle.

Minnesota’s entire secondary is out due to the effects of a three-month long collective seizure.

Virginia Tech’s caught injury fever as WR Eddie Royal, QB Sean Glennon, LB Vince Hall, and RB Branden Ore are all dinged for their home game against the ‘Canes. Ore’s ankle injury is the most serious of the collection.

Miami’s offense is out with circulatory problems leading to an inability to score or maintain drive.

Sports By Brooks remains skeptical over the Kansas Jayhawks. This is a declarative sentence/value statement. It is also an excuse to post this picture.

Borat jokes may be a corrosive substance as rated by the Humor Society, but the similarity is striking. Kansas faces Iowa State this weekend, a game of great intrigue because the Iowa State Cyclones, after losing to D-1AA (and we’ll never call it the Playoff Division) Northern Iowa Panthers at home in their second game of the season, have won two games in a row.
Crown their asses! It’s a trend of two. In all fairness, the Cyclones appear to be playing much improved football, even if it is against the Redbird reading group of the Big 12 in opponents Kansas State and Colorado.

If you care to know what’s going on with Colorado, and we know you do because you crave motivational technique jargon as much as we do, check out Dan Hawkins’ blog. Notice that we’ve never done a mock blog entry on Dan Hawkins blog. This is because you cannot actually improve on the mad bouillabaise of ingredients cobbled together by Dan Hawkins to make his own blog, though we may try to do this next week.

This week’s excerpt:

As is popular these days, “My bad.” I put the Iowa State loss squarely on my back. No excuses. Don’t blame the officials. Don’t blame wind, weather, crowd or others. If we are to live the life we aspire to, we must take responsibility for our actions and know that we have control over our lives. Even if it is a small percentage. If we control what we can, we need not worry about outside elements.

We say this every time we start blogging from the bar at 2 p.m. Bills? Repo man? Outside elements. Right now, it’s you and me, Mr. Shotsky. All five of you. And daddy gets one after each post. That’s focusing on your goals and matching aspiration with achievement. And so what if we take the door off your precious Toyota Camry on the way out of the parking lot? As is popular these days, “my bad, asshole.”

Miami receiver Kayne Farquharson has plenty of experience playing in Blacksburg against Virginia Tech. Hell, he can even control the weather there, since the only time he’s played there is a as a participant in a game of PlayStation football.

Farqurharson, who has never played a game at Virginia Tech, said he has a pretty good idea of what to expect Saturday from playing the video game NCAA Football 08 on Playstation. He feels it’s just as intense when playing on the road in cyber games against the Hokies.

“I got an idea,” Farqurharson said. “On the Playstation, you got home-field advantage. You press L2 [button] against the team and the joystick will rattle. The screen will shake. … The joystick vibrates. They scream hard. They scream real hard. That’s the closest I’ve been to Blacksburg.”

This could explain so much about Miami’s offense this season…someone grab Patrick Nix’s playbook, stat! If our theory is true, the audible calls should be something like “LEFT STICK D-PAD UP CHECK!” For variation, we imagine they toggle back and forth between XBox and PS3 setups.

Also, if this qualifies as experience, we’ve got vast experience at the following jobs: professional guitarist, ping-pong player, mercenary-for-hire, assassin, government operative, Italian plumber, zombie slayer, charismatic Sim, builder of cities and entire civilizations, and as defender of humanity against a cruel race of unstoppable parasitic aliens. Oh, and as the Heisman-winning qb for the six-time NCAA champion Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders. Not many men can throw for fifty TDs and run for 40 more in a season, but we’re not normal, people.

(HT: The Great Barstoolio)

Mike Bellotti: Hey, Dennis. Is that Ryan Leaf over there?

Dennis Dixon: Who?

Ryan Leaf: Hey guys! Man, it’s great being on the sidelines again! I feel like I could suit up!

Bellotti: DAMMIT!!! Get him the hell off the sidelines! NOW! DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO!!!!NOW!!!! (more…)