CRACK THE SKYE: LSU TO PLAY WVU
We have plans in 2010. We don’t know what, but the whole year’s off the books with the news that West Virginia will be traveling to Baton Rouge to play the Tigahs. GIRL SCOUT FIGHT.
The luster may have faded off West Virginia a bit: their strength and conditioning coach no longer owns wolves, their coach cites odd bits of West Virginia political wisdom to the bafflement of outsiders, and they may have settled down into an 8-5ish trough under Bill Stewart. Yet the concept of the Mountaineer fanbase trekking to truculent Tiger Stadium at night rivets the imagination. Not only is there a real potential of the selling of brown liquor futures for immense profit possible prior to the event, but it also may be the largest collection of people who can taxiderm anything in one place ever for any reason in the history of the universe. (The list of things they are willing to taxiderm includes people, of course.)
It will be a Pikey wake minus the restraint of passing out due to too much alcohol. It will be badass in eighty different degrees. It will smell like Richard Harris’s handkerchief. It will be necessary in every single way. Can a single musket shot blow up an airboat? How many men with hunting beards does it take to subdue a single tiger? QUIEN ES MAS FEDERALLY SUBSIDIZED? The amount of chaos in this single frame could make the ghost of Hieronymus Bosch throw his hands up and run away from the scene weeping. The Garden of Girthly Delights is on the way, and you’re not ready. (Too bad, says Hell and All That’s Coming With It.)
If we have to die, this would be a noble way to go. (Also: corpse stuffed and mounted on a handsome wall plaque within minutes of our death.)
(The post title references the fact that Rasputin might be there. It’s that kind of event.)
1
Coop says:
So, this would definitely be the wrong week to quit amphetamines? Those of us who attended law school never stopped.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
2
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
My mind is so blown at this concept, since I have vast memories of both fanbases and stadiums at night games, I will try to describe the first random things/thought associated with the outcome of tailgating at night at this game that pop into my head after reading this in 5 items or less:
1. Impaled
2. National Guard
3. Deep fried alive.
4. Tear Gas
5. The scene from Braveheart, complete with team colors and horses, with both sides converging into carnage before kickoff while going into the stadium at full speed while yelling and charging head on into one another. The scene from the Lord of the Rings maybe a little closer, but with WfVU as Orcs, it would offend the Orcs.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
3
TheK-GunNeedsReloaded says:
Boy, the Jedi’s are going to feel this one.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
4
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
I think this may be the first game where torches will be an acceptable form of light at night.
It will definately have a “medieval” feel to it, that is for sure.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
5
DrB says:
I dare them to burn a couch down here.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
6
DrBundy says:
Ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy!
One can never have enough ways to grill (or fry) roadkill. I look forward to swapping recipes with the WfVU
rejects from Deliverencefanbase.February 26th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
7
DevilGrad says:
Wars have been fought with fewer casualties than this will produce.
February 26th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
8
Brian O'Blivion says:
I’m thinking it’s something like this, but worse.
February 26th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
9
The Humanitarian says:
I didn’t even know the SEC was allowed to schedule BCS conference teams for an out of conference games?
I mean, especially with the requirement that every team in the conference play Louisiana Monroe each and every season.
February 26th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
10
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Seriously, this game has a magnitude beyond our comprehension. I think Nostradamus , the Incas, the Freemason,Project Bluebook, Majestic 12 have all predicted this game would happen, and once both fanbases meet, it will create a ripple that will be felt to the center of the earth. It will make the famous “Earthquake Game” pale in comparision. I’m thinking Tiger Stadium and the surrounding area will start spinning in a vortex just like at the end of Pirates of the Carribean-At Worlds End, where both fan bases are fighting whilst spinning to a certain death…….you cannot have that many Cajuns and Hillbillies in a 10 square mile area, it knocks the earth out of balance and the damage to the Ecosystem and wildlife alone will take 100 yrs to replace. Al Gore is already planning a boycott, wait til Leonardo DiCaprio hear about this…..Global Warming will be a distant memory if this happens……
February 26th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
11
An 'eer with a Beer says:
I dunno, I’m picturing the two fanbases glaring at each other across the tailgating lot, and then suddenly coming together in a manner like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5KLwXG8xco
Only as “Cajuns” and “Mountaineers” instead.
Surely redneck is as hillbilly does.
February 26th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
12
BurritoBrosShits says:
This is a 70s disaster movie in the making. Charlton Heston, Ava Gardner, and a cameo by Walter Mathau.
“Bring Kevlar”? Fuck that bring a tank.
February 26th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
13
Studley says:
The Humanitarian:
When enough $$$$ is thrown around, anything’s possible. This smells of ESPN’s doing, although I wonder if the Cajun Broadcasting System (CBS) will steal the game in BTR for a 3:30 PM Eastern kick?
But who cares? It’s WFV! And LSU will actually travel to Morgantown. Gotta go to both of these games.
February 26th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
14
BurritoBrosShits says:
So this is what hell on earth will look like. In the inevitable backlash after the conflagration that will follow this game, someone will get sued and take the fun out of college football.
February 26th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
15
haveagreatday says:
oh, the offal that will be flung on this day, my friends. I will be there to defend the Indian Mounds from this musket ball onslaught, crawfish paddle in one hand and cajun injector in the other (though I’ll grant that if any strain of humanity could survive being pumped full of several hundred CCs of animal fat, it is surely that of West Virginia).
February 26th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
16
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
I am ready to forego this years season and fast-forward to this game. Everything before and after THIS game will pale in comparision.
This, indeed, will be College Footballs version of Event Horizon…..you won’t need eyes where we are going, cause your nose will be working overtime….
February 26th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
17
Joshua says:
Humanitarian,
The point is the SEC has to go out of conference to seek weaker teams.
Southern Cal has to go out of conference to seek teams stronger than Washington and Stanford.
Oh wait…
February 26th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
18
Joshua says:
Pelican Pants.
Liberate metis ex infermi indeed.
/I apologize to all fluent latin dudes for the spelling of that movie line.
//I majored in Wildlife & Fisheries, big surprise huh?
///no, that major did not include Taxidermy courses. Those are taught in grammar school.
February 26th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
19
Counter Trap says:
Someone PLEASE break the news to the Wesvirginnians that man is now capable of flight.
Otherwise the roadway carnage en route is going to be something to make the producers of “Transporter (Please Stop Making These Movies In Place Of Number)” blush.
February 26th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
20
JD says:
How much would you pay for an uncensored, no-holds-barred PPV feed of just the tailgating, in-game antics, and postgame scene between these two fan bases? I think I’d cough up $750 for it.
AND SO HELP ME GOD IF A HURRICANE MESSES THIS THING UP.
February 26th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
21
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Trust me, and I am sure LSU Joshua can attest to this, your imagination cannot comprehend the scene if you havent been to Baton Rouge at night after a Thursday headstart on tailgating for a Saturday night game, and throw into the mix this:
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/73049-you-stay-classy-morgantown-an-auburn-fans-experience
And there are hundreds from other fans also, other fans that visited Morgantown, and these WfVU people want to come to Baton Rouge and try to pull some of that?
It truly is , a recipe for disaster of epic proportion. We will get the answer of which fan base is mucho loco en mas macho, senor LSU, or senor WfVU?
February 26th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
22
TigerNacho says:
I think the fine visitors from West Virginia will have a wonderful time at Tiger Stadium. They’ll find us to be a warm, caring, hospitable people. Travel tip for you Mountaineers - spend the summer of 2010 getting plenty to eat and lots of rest. Store up, if you will. Pack your fat pants. Bring the girlfriend and mom, as I presume they will be stout mountain women. We’ll have the knifes sharpened and the oil hot. Waiting. For you. Our dinner guests. And while I take the privilege here of being the first to tell you, “TIIIGERBAIT! TIIIGERBAIT! TIIIGERBAIT!” I will not be the last. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to love it.
February 26th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
23
Crabapple Buck says:
Well that does it. Bobby Jindal better just get the National Guard ready now. Never have so many, with so few teeth, gathered in one state, drunk beyond Alex Boone-like BAC, to take part in an event for which spontanious combustion is a real possibility. I doubt there will be enough survivors for the rematch.
February 26th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
24
JD Hogg says:
anyone see this?
http://www.93x.com/photowallphoto.asp?wallid=50312&x=24&y=11
February 26th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
25
Geaux Irish says:
re: #3
DrB:
The real question would be, would the WVa fans be able to ignite the couches before the LSU fans tried to put it in the deep frier?
February 26th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
26
Me says:
they, WfV go to AUBURN this year. We will tame the bearded hordes. Chizik rules, y”all.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
27
TornACL says:
One side can can make a hat out of it, the other side can make an awesome spicy dish out of it.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
28
stowns says:
I just changed my major in insure I am still a student and can make it to this game
February 26th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
29
yoyofutbawl says:
BARKEVIOUS MINGO, LORD OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSE, sez you mere mortals are weak and will stand in awe at the threshold of his greatness to witness his awesome powers in this game, in which he will reduce Bill Stewart to a puddle on incompetent, pucent plasma and the remainder of WVU to runny, stagnent feces.
Those north of Big Walker Tunnel be forewarned. And turn off the last light in WV when you leave.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:29 am
30
Studley says:
Buck, RE: 23:
Jindal’s going to have to take all the stimulus money now, just so he can divert the funds to pay the National Guard enough to try to attempt to keep order.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:36 am
31
JimHalpert says:
What’s sad is that the LSU fans will look at the WVU fans and say “Damn, they’re trashy”. Slipknot, hooded sweatshirts, and fat chicks will not go over well in Baton Rouge.
Also, somebody needs to set up a fund to get Jesco White to the game:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrKqXZTIE6s
February 27th, 2009 at 2:53 am
32
Holly says:
Moving to Baton Rouge YESTERDAY just to start fortifying the visitors’ locker room. WORLDS FUCKING COLLIDE.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:21 am
33
ExpatVol says:
This will be the BEST TAILGATING DAY EVER…
February 27th, 2009 at 7:01 am
34
CincySooner says:
OOOOoooohhhhh… So THAT’s what the ominous crack of thunder out of a clear, blue sky was all about yesterday.
February 27th, 2009 at 8:55 am
35
CincySooner says:
#27
I’m pretty sure the announcement of the game put all medium-sized swamp mammals on the endangered species list.
February 27th, 2009 at 9:01 am
36
BlackpowderEER says:
The game will pale in comparison to the tailgate. Roadkill recipes everywhere! There won’t be a dead
animal on the roadside between Morgantown and Baton Rouge, for two years.
February 27th, 2009 at 9:15 am
37
Hossnfeffer says:
Someone go ahead and put an order in for Nutria Corn Dogs. This Mountaineer ‘am’ going to Louisiana!
February 27th, 2009 at 9:49 am
38
sb says:
“…garden of girthly delights…” love it.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:07 am
39
Jason says:
WfV, indeed. Sugar Bowl, 2005. I was there. Worst fans ever.
This is coming from a Georgia fan.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:30 am
40
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Hopefully, by that time, EDSBS LIVE! will be broadcasting from ground zero, right outside Tiger Stadium, right on the line that divides the LSU/WfVU faithful…… It will be all fun and games til the riot makes it way towards Orson/Peter and the crowd flips over the Armored Car that Orson/Peter were broadcasting from and tries to deep fry and stuff it. Then ITS ON!
February 27th, 2009 at 10:30 am
41
meatybob says:
10 bones sez that CNN’s war correspondent does the post game.
In 2011, USC, the anti-LSU, needs to make the trip. Then I can die.
February 27th, 2009 at 11:19 am
42
Mike.A.Tiger says:
TigerNacho has it right: For non-rivals, LSU’s game day experience is like Walt Disney’s “College Kingdom” theme park. Some of the costumed denezins look scary but the combination of home spirit hospitality is second to none. Now if you are from Bama, Florida, Auburn or Ole Miss and you approach Tiger tailgates with an attitude you may not get anything to eat or drink. Otherwise you will also be feted and “tigerbaited” to properly prepare you for slaughter.
Louisiana folk are among the most hospitable people anywhere…unless you are an asshole/carpetbagger, in which case you have a bad experience everywhere and project that all opposing fans are assholes.
The other myth that WVU fans will dispel: there will be mounds of pork, beef, cheicken, alligator, rabbit, shrimp, crawfish and crab cooking up everywhere, but they will find nary a single corndog on the entire campus. Auburn fans (who stole an Iowa Hawkeye message board post about Iowa State and applied it to LSU fans) seem to confuse the odor of breaded mystery meat with all of the other delicacies Cajuns are famous for. Says more about their culinary knowledge than LSU’s!!
February 27th, 2009 at 11:42 am
43
Noel Devine's Gold Teef says:
Jason:
You’re just mad because we made fun of your red pants. Douche bag.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
44
Jester says:
Tiger Stadium is going to host the Worlds Largest Family Reunion during that game…literally.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
45
Anonymous IV says:
It will be like watching who can drink more, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Minus the glamor, glitz, and poise.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
46
Ben Hill Gryphon says:
I’ve seen WVU travel, and I don’t think it will be as bad as everyone’s thinking. By the looks of them, all you need to do as they lumber towards you, their thighs making those corduroy pant sounds even though they’re wearing shorts, is throw a twinkie covered in kool aid powder in front of them, Should distract them long enough for you to move out of their walking range (about 40 yards). At least that should work for the women, with the men you may have to wrap it in bacon as well. Seriously - they’re a lardy group. Saw them in Boulder of all places - it was like seeing the begining of speciation.
February 27th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
47
tbone says:
I went to one game at LSU as a road fan.
Their fans seemed really nice
They had no problem sharing food/booze
They all packed up and left at halftime when they were losing. Not just some…all.
Not threatening at all. Which was very cool. But overall, didn’t make much of an impression, at least not in terms of enthusiasm. It was like going to West Lafayette.
It may have just been an off week/year, but I swear they were ranked like 10th at the time.
February 27th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
48
Joshua says:
#45/Anonymous IV
Mfer, I have poise. You drink as much as I do, cook as much but don’t eat and still be able to stand and cheer at the game that night, that’s poise. I even drink my Mr. Pibb with the pinky out.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
49
Anonymous IV says:
No Joshua, that is stamina, not poise.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
50
Anonymous IV says:
But in the marathon that is tailgating and cheering at a game, stamina is preferred over poise.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
51
WVU/LSU says:
I thought WVU meeting LSU was onl told in fairltails or history books. Not only will tiger be dry fried but the country torn. Any little kittens that approach a half way drunk eer fan will surely be decapitated, or end up will a buck knife in their ass. Budweiser, tobacco, and propane will bring this country out of recession at the cost of a few dozen lifes. I look forward to this battle knowing that a mountaineer fighting a tiger and a football game will make Gladitor the movie look like Shrek.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
52
EZ says:
WFV fans: The Louisiana cuisine is one thing. It can certainly be spectacular. The most underreported aspect of LSU tailgating is the legions of New Jersey goomba lookalikes who care more about making sure their ghetto hip-hop music is heard in Oregon.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
53
TC#27 says:
There’s some very funny posts on here. But that terd from UGA can suck one. If your fans weren’t so condescending in the days before the Sugar Bowl, maybe we wouldn’t have rubbed your noses in it like we did. And for everyone else, remember, Deliverance was filmed in GEORGIA.
Let the bourbon flow forth……
February 27th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
54
macker says:
I propose a Holliday vs. Devine 40 yard sprint as a preliminary event to this game. If Holliday wins, he gets Devine’s grill.
February 27th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
55
MBD says:
If LSU wins they will have their celebratory “possum on a stick” roast.
If WfV wins they’ll set their own outhouses ablaze.
The spoils of victory are great.
February 28th, 2009 at 2:28 am