The board, late but still here courtesy of Brian. (Who, yes, is Mandingoesque in the manner of Reggie Nelson.)

Remember that Florida’s points may go up-Carl Johnson’s hearing has been moved on a continuance to April-and that Hawaii’s score, unless assisted by another teammate, is solely the work of a single player, and would likely be discounted for the Ellis T. Jones III Award for Individual Achievement. It’s February. We have a long, long way to go people.

Until this week, I worked 14 hour days at a Russell Athletic plant outside of Tegucigalpa, Honduras. It was brutal work: paid substandard wages, abused by adult overseers, and forced to do repetitive work without variation for months at a time. I want you to know that it was difficult for a youngster like me to bear.

That is, if I wasn’t tough as shit and didn’t have the ballingest life a kid in any country could ever have! (more…)

The Big Board is presented this week by Hosea Williams Bail Bonding: Still Settin’ ‘Em Free after All These Years. Conveniently located at the Garnett MARTA station and adjacent to the Dekalb County Jail on Memorial Drive. Bond on Tuesdays is still half-off for first-timers!

Presented as always by Brian, who is hung like Reggie F’n Nelson.

(Board will go here. In the meantime, why not pay a visit to the Old Saloon?)

Biting is considered affectionate where I come from. That place? Abuseton, Texas. Florida lineman Carl Johnson is in court today regarding a petition from his former girlfriend, whose restraining order was violated last week on a bus, leading to a Johnson arrest, the awarding of two solid Fulmer Cup points, and many more charges/points if Johnson did indeed “shake, bite, and hit” his accuser. At this point it appears to be an “it said, she said”* case, and my, aren’t those legal fun for the whole family. (”He raped me repeatedly, but I have no evidence.” “No, I didn’t.” Judge: “Well, okay then.” [/stares into void of proper action])

Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii’s way… to say “Merry Christmas, you’re being sexually assaulted and attacked by a Warrior football player.” Jo Pierre Davis, a cornerback for UH, was arrested and charged with sex assault, assault, and burglary in two incidentsinvolving the same woman in both instances. We tentatively award Davis both the early status as frontrunner for the Ellis T. Jones Award for individual achievement and a sum of nine points for at least three felony charges (if not more, pending additional charges.) We may award further points for Davis reinforcing our stereotype of Hawaii as a beautiful tropical facade underpinned by a never-ceasing underworld of killers, thugs, rapists, con artists, and mulleted men pepper-spraying them into submission. (Brah.)

Thrown out, and not just for illegally sensuous dancing. UVA football players Corey Mosely and Amad Wolcott earned UVA two points (one point each) for teaching white girls the secrets of hip-hop dance, opening their hearts, and helping them get over the deaths of their mothers on the way to their dance recitals. Julia Stiles can jam, y’all! Get your overbite on!

Bringing meat to the jackals in grand style. Wazzou would get just one here, but falling asleep in the parking lot of a police station as a minor in possession demands a bonus point for style. That’s Paul Gascoigne, Nick Nolte-level flair there.

Really, if true, Carl Johnson goes to “it” status and loses personal pronoun status.

Happy Mardi Gras to you all. In case you live in one of those drab, soulless portions of the country unfamiliar with Mardi Gras (that’s French for “My, you have oddly shaped nipples, but thank you nonetheless, ma’am”), it is the king of holidays, and proof that while Protestants may be right about the Catholic church being the Whore of Babylon, they can go shiv themselves with a Honda Element because the Whore is way, way more festive than a calendar without a day dedicated to jamming your face with sugar piecake and downing shots of rum in the name of decadence.

This will explain the absence of LSUFreek, who is currently on the streets of NOLA floating around like a tipsy genie on a cloud of booze fumes. He’s out for today, and if he does it right, he’s going to be on the disabled list for tomorrow and the next day, too. We’re celebrating here in Atlanta by picking up some Abita Amber (oh, sweet airboat commander fuel) and some king cake for the moment. Also, we’re screaming at bystanders to expose their breasts and genitals to us at every turn, but that’s not unusual.

Enjoy it, Pelican Republic, and may bon temps roulez in the appropriate and inappropriate manners.

Pic: LSU “Chinese Bandits” float from the Houma, LA parade. Courtesy of Studley.