Monday’s Sherrill Cupdate, which tallies the offseason recruiting violations of Division I programs, reported that the University of Tennessee had utilized a smoke machine to simulate a gameday experience in Neyland Stadium for prospective players. We have since learned that the apparatus in question was not a smoke machine, but an active volcano created when recruiting coordinator Ed Orgeron punched through the ground to the Earth’s molten core. We regret the error.
You’re damn right Woody Hayes did interviews in the nude. All great men at one point work in the nude in a non-sexual manner. Orde Wingate, mad chief of the Chindits in Burma in WW2, used to conduct meetings in the buff while cleaning himself with a brush. (Mike Bellotti does the same thing, but with a loofa and a toothbrush for the hard to reach places.) Lyndon Johnson would display his penis in Vietnam-era Oval Office briefings, point to it, and ask “Does How Chi Minh have this?” We ourselves never blog in the nude, a reason why this blog isn’t three thousand times better than it is. We’ll be sure to put this in beta testing after our vacation.
Woody Hayes nude: censored because he was illegally beautiful.
Go ahead and call him ugly, Leonard…
“If the team lost or tied, he would conduct an interview in the nude,” said Downie, as reported in The Lantern. “He was an ugly guy so it would clear the locker room out pretty fast.”
But can’t you balance that with the kind of womanly compliment usually following a statement like this, as in “he was ugly…but Woody was always sexy,” or “A post-loss nude Woody Hayes conference was like staring into the sun: so intense and powerful you could only endure a few seconds of its awesome grandeur?” Mighty uncharitable, as we’re sure Professor Hayes, while lacking physical grandeur, had his own ramshackle physical charm about him. (”He has nice forearms! His eyes: have you seen his eyes?”)
As opposed to a Pete Carroll nude press conference, where presumably reporters would leave in tears of joy and awe saying things like, “It was so…beautiful…”, “like David, but better hung,” and “It was like watching a new child enter the world, but without the shitting and hideous afterbirth.”
Texas A&M Aggie football player Ken “Dude” McLean died this week after a lengthy illness. He enjoyed a career as a successful defense attorney in Dallas, but was best known to Aggie fans as the receiver on the “Texas Special,” a trick play we’d love to show you if Youtube had it. Rest assured, it worked, McLean scored, and he went on to have a 13 reception, 250 yard freakshow of a day against the Longhorns in a valiant 24-17 loss in the 1963 1965 rivalry game.
It looked nothing like this mess-o-play-tamia, we assure you.
The actual play involved a skipped lateral, a bit of theater over the “bad pass,” and then the target wideout throwing a bomb downfield to a wide-open receiver. McLean also merits mention for being nicknamed “Dude” long before the Cult of Lebowski began, something indicating a man of great stature worth the admiration of all who beheld him. R.I.P., sir.
ps. Check out the pic of him on the site. We miss action poses.
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Run! Fire! With the announcement of the ACC’s schedule this week comes two nasty bits of news. First, Miami and Florida State will frontload the Labor Day schedule, thus exciting oldsters who remember when this game was awesome and meant watching Bobby Bowden crap a kidney as his kicker marched out to miss a potential game-winning field goal. Aged harm-joy: it’s the sweetest vintage. The second is HOLY JEBUS look at Miami’s first four games: at Florida State, Georgia Tech at home (The same team that ran for 400 plus yards on them last year,) at Virginia Tech, and then getting Oklahoma at home. 0-4 is a real possibility for Miami, who may be running from a smoke machine out of the tunnel, or who may be trying to escape the flames of their potentially catastrophic early season.
In that same Sentinel article, there’s also the news that UM hired John Lovett, UNC special teams coach and assistant coach, to coach their defense, which will still receive intense scrutiny and coaching from Randy Shannon, most likely. Oh, and Brandon Marti, former ‘Cane kicked off the team last year, was arrested for doing the white guy with dreads thing, which really is a 3rd degree felony of sorts all by itself. Kirk Ferentz gets his butt kicked in…BY MAMMON. The new deal for Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz takes him through the age of sixty, making the contract a lifetime deal in effect. As a reminder: Iowa has had two coaches in the past 37 years. The new deal also includes incentives for assistant coaches based on performance yielding bonuses, which in turn would yield more Garbage Pail Kids for everyone. Fix nothing but his joke telling skills. Scott Loeffler, new qb coach for Florida, plans nothing but tweaks for Tim Tebow. Matt Patchan may be protecting the Great Tadger Trimmer, as he has moved back to the offensive line after volunteering to move to defense for his freshman year. MGoBeg. Give money to MGoBlog, or WLA will take it over and start the proletarian revolution, and you know what that means: let’s shoot everyone with glasses or money or both. Given blog readership, that’s pretty much all of you, so cough it up. Bryce Brown: Taffy Seduction. Bryce Brown is leaning toward LSU, which he describes as “for real.” Brigadoon University and other imaginary schools said to be heartbroken at the news. |
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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