February 6, 2025

CORRECTIONS, 2/06/2025

Tuesday’s Curious Index included an item implying that Michigan State head coach Mark Dantonio beats his wife. We apologize for this grievous mischaracterization and any pain it may have caused the Dantonio family. The offending passage should have indicated that Mark Dantonio beats the wife of any man who crosses him. We regret the error.

In Friday’s “POOF! There it is: Coaching Magic Tricks in 5 Minutes” piece, we incorrectly identified a simple card illusion performed by new coach Lane Kiffin as “How to Shove Twelve and a Half Inches of Blustery Overexcitement Up Your Own Rectum So Far You Taste The Foretip fo the Cock Of Failure in The Back Of Your Throat In Just 45 Easy Seconds.”

The actual name of the illusion is the “Elmsley Pass.” Also, Kiffin’s representatives were adamant that we refer to it not as a “trick” but instead as “an illusion.” We regret both errors.

Last night’s You’ve Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me Thursday lead item failed to suggest that Google News headline “Nutt picks up huge commit in Cotton” carried with it any sort of hideously inappropriate sexual connotation. We regret the error.

Tuesday’s Fidgeting Digits Column misapplied the laws of genetics in working out a hypothetical blood type problem using Bobby Petrino. (more…)



Filed under: we regret the error, you're getting personal boo  by Holly

YOUR LATEST DAUPHIN IS NAMED AT MARYLAND

James Franklin will be the successor to Ralph Friedgen at Maryland in the latest naming of the Dauphin, or if you like to think of it more crudely, he’ll get a shot at the girlfriend after Friedgen finished up with her in the next year or two. Was it smooth vomit, or the chunky kind, or a nice middle ground? Apologies. Turn the laptop upside down and commence shaking for a moment.


He’s not fat. He’s sensuous.

Also finding new work of sorts: Tony Franklin, the textbook-writin’, Hugh-Nall fightin’, Tuberville-indictin’, pink-slip kitin’ offensive coordinator who, after his ignominious departure from Auburn, has now found employ at Middle Tennessee State. He credits his success in the interview to actually shaving, since the last time we all saw Franklin he looked like he’d just gotten through huffing Krylon through a filthy rag for three days straight and sleeping in the crawlspace of the Auburn football offices.



Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football  by Orson Swindle

CURIOUS INDEX, 2/6/09

Give me a reason to hate you…. WHY CAIN’T YOU TAKE IT URB. Oh, like we needed a reason to get the healthy glow of radiant hate on in the first place, but add in the lace-doily church biddies of Tennessee becoming suddenly brash anti-establishmentarians, and we’re lolling in a warm bath of haterade this morning. It’s a brisk sea we’re drifting in, but invigorating.

“In my enthusiasm for our recruiting class, I made some statements that were meant solely to excite those at the breakfast,” Kiffin said. “I apologize to commissioner Mike Slive and the SEC, including Florida (athletic director) Jeremy Foley and coach Urban Meyer. My comments were not intended to offend anyone at the University of Florida.”

BOW DOWN TO JEREMY FOLEY’S FREAKY BETOOTHEN VISAGE, KIFFYKINS.


Whatever, bitch.

September 19th, Gainesville, Florida. Raining blood.

Slayer: in case you didn’t get the point, they will helpfully cover themselves in fake blood while playing “Raining Blood.” Just for clarity’s sake.

Reprobatus Bibbs. Among many, many other current signees, consider the greatest name we’d never heard of prior to this article: REPROBATUS BIBBS. He was a former crack dealer turned UAB basketballer, but still: Reprobatus Bibbs. Reprobatus Bibbs. Reprobatus Bibbs.

Living Dangerously. Michigan decides to roll the dice and schedule another D1AA school.

Great article. Impregnate me. Being a journalist won’t just get you a toehold in the door of a burning building of an industry: it will get strange women from Philly begging for your baby batter:

That’s an amazing story. God bless this kid. I love the work you do, Joe. Will you have my baby?

That beats the comments we usually get on TSB by many a furlong. Though the formal answer is no, because we always finish our business as the men of our family have for generations, and that is crying naked in the yard with the garden hose wrapped around our neck. Traditioooooooon…TRADITION!

Butch Davis, recession fan. Butch Davis thinks the fundamentals of this economy are crap, and he’s just fine with that as long as it funnels blue-chippers into Chapel Hill.



Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football  by Orson Swindle

EXPECT DELAYS

This delay in programming is brought to you by comcast, who insists someone be home from 8-11 to hook up our cable. When they don’t show-and they likely won’t-we will continue the regular programming from the coffee shop down the street.



Filed under: Uncategorized  by Orson Swindle

©2009 EveryDayShouldBeSaturday.com - Privacy Policy
EDSBS is proudly powered by WordPress
The page was generated in 1.002 seconds with 22 queries.