ANTE UP! Commenter Bobafet7 suggests that on Saturday Georgia and Florida solve their beef the old-fashioned 2002 way.

Florida would win this contest because with quarkbacks Demps and Rainey, we have midgets, and everyone loves hard-dancing agile midgets.

In rod he trusts. Despite suffering a compound fracture and having a rod placed in his leg, Houston wide receiver Patrick Edwards should be ready to play next season following a cart-induced horrorshow of an injury in the Cougars’ game against Marshall. Yay.

Love deepens.

His fascination with ancient pirates is such that his desk features a flintlock pistol from the Bluebeard era and he often flies a skull-and-crossbones flag from Tech’s video practice tower.

Yarr, captain. Regardless of what happens on Saturday, ye sail a fine ship.

We are approaching the county line between Moron and Epic Dumbass. Ronnie Wilson, the UF lineman who discharged a massive firearm in the middle of downtown Gainesville and is back on the team, is not practicing with the team. Rumors of a fight or scuffle this past weekend remain unattributed on the journalistic side, but if it’s even close to true Wilson is stretching the limits of the word stupidity.

Pants, doing good around the world. Pat Dye’s pants are serving the common good in the form of a charity auction for an Auburn nursing scholarship fund. The pants and contents therein were put in a display case worthy of Joseph Cornell-level surrealism:

According to Shelley Grider, development officer for the Auburn School of Nursing, the pants were cleaned and displayed in a beautiful, custom-built wooden shadow box along with Dye’s recovered wallet, credit cards, car keys and an autographed copy of Lake magazine that told the story.

Pants. Does their magic have no end?

For the record: Yes, there’s that.

If you’re a normal person whose soul has not been cauterized and partially removed from your body, you are either wincing or vomiting at the sight of Patrick Edwards’ leg bending where it shouldn’t: right in the middle of the shin, to be exact. If you are a lawyer, then your genitals should be swollen with excitement over the massive, world-crushing lawsuit to follow this injury resulting from a negligently placed band equipment cart.

Segue: Further Grinding Gears of the Law. Texas A&M just settled one of the lawsuits surrounding the bonfire disaster of 1999 for $2.1 million, but pending suits against the crane operator involved and others still sit unsettled nine years later.

He sounds comfortable. Bo Pelini sounds snuggle-soft secure for the moment:

Has athletic director Tom Osborne given him any advice about what to do in Saturday’s game?

“He told me to win the game. He told me if I don’t win, I’m fired,” Pelini joked at his weekly news conference Tuesday.

Before this year, we had no idea Bo Pelini could have “fun.” We just assumed he beat up caribou in his spare time and had staring contests with floodlights just to test his mettle. Now, if this and practice contests are any indication, he’s playful/scary, not just the obligatory coach-scary.

Pointing and nodding appreciatively. Cornelius Ingram, recovering from ACL surgery, actually shagged a few balls at Florida practice this week in civvies. In an irony-free moment, we would like to say this is nothing but a good thing. We point and nod in your direction, CI.

No ulterior motives. Randy Shannon wants you to watch Georgia/Florida, not the Miami Hurricanes. You twist our arm, sirrah!