BOWLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL: THE MOTOR CITY BOWL 2007
Piss on you, bowl critics, because the Motor City bowl brings ten years o’ hottness to the table. It’s older than some countries, man. Suck that, East Timor! In addition to all of this, the matchup between Central Michigan and Purdue promises to feature lots of points, a feature that for the casual, non-defense-loving fan should trump the I Love New York 2 marathon on VH1. (Well, for the first half at least.)
Name: Motor City Bowl. A terrific name if you want to associate yourself with a dying industry. Alternate names to the same end could include The American Railroad Conductors Bowl, the Cassette Tape Player Bowl, and the Univac Computers Bowl.
Motto: Come for the MAC football, stay for the soul-wrenching casinos and urban blight. Detroit is the mule America never gets tired of kicking, as evidenced by the brisk economy of punchlines that extends all the way back to The Kentucky Fried Movie. The city that inspired The Crow and Robocop really does make it far too easy for those with the rapiers out, however.
Exhibit we’ve lost count because it’s too fucking easy: the big night out for the football players?
The entire team will be the guest of Utopia Night Club within Thunderbowl Lanes, located in nearby Allen Park from 6:30 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. (Note: This event may be moved to 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm depending on final practice time assignments)). Thunderbowl Lanes is an area landmark with 94 lanes and home to the Michigan Bowling Hall of Fame. Players will be hosted in the remodeled Utopia Night Club with exclusive use of 20 bowling lanes, 24 pool tables, and a large video arcade.
The pregame party is in the “nightclub” in a bowling alley. Thomas More actually had precisely this club in mind when he wrote Utopia, actually. Also, we’re pretty sure that if this is the pregame party, then the gift bag will include a slightly used Sega Genesis and White Castle gift certificates along with a certificate of participation and eight pushpins just hanging loose in the bag.
Fake Bowl? No, because it’s not owned and operated exclusively by the WWL. The sponsors include GM, Chrysler, and Ford, a trio of sponsors explaining why the Motor City bowl has been bailed out financially by the United States government three times in the past ten years and failed to happen in 1999 because it dropped its transmission and burst into flame. God, we loathe American cars.
Intrusive Corporate Sponsor: None in the title, a testament to the commitment to brand the bowl under the Motor City moniker. A misguided attempt considering the endless vein of Detroit jokes, we think, but an admirable one given the Petrosun Independence Bowls of the world. Show us the day when Shreveport inspires this kind of loyalty!
Tradition rating: As old as the term “weblog,” actually, and therefore meriting a tradition rating of Drudge Reportish.
Give the Motor City Bowl a fuckin’ siren! It’s blog-old!
Setup: Usually nabbing a MAC power, the Motor City Bowl began its early career by serving as the official destination of Marshall football in the Bobby Pruett era: the Herd made the first four Motor City Bowls. This year’s model features MAC champion Central Michigan versus Purdue, who finished ninth in the Big Ten.
Why you should watch despite this being the MAC champion versus the ninth-place team in the Big Ten: Because you’re a whore for points, that’s why, even if this is a reheat of an earlier 45-22 Purdue win in West Lafayette where Purdue shot up 31-0 before Central put up 22 consolation points. Central Michigan features Dan LeFevour, only the second player to pass for 3,000 yards and rush for a thousand in a season evarrrr, but doing this in the MAC versus Ball State does not get you the flashbulb pornography enjoyed by Vince Young when he did it.
CMU did win the MAC despite having the 106th ranked defense in the nation, meaning Curtis Painter should easily broach his 360 yards he put up on CMU in Pointsgush Part One. Which means, SEC or Pac-10 honks, that even the ninth-place team from the Big Ten can waste the Mac Champion. Try and sleep tonight thinking of that, hater. Just try and sleep with that in your brain.
