Addicted To Quack states without reservation that Erin Andrews, renowned college football sideline reporter/hottie, is not hot. As a Florida grad and fan, we feel obligated to stick up for her, debate, insist that she’s tre fine, etc…but we like the curvy, knife-carrying type with a master’s degree or two. That ain’t Andrews.


Nice, but does not own a knife or master’s degree.

What Andrews is: a competent, knowledgeable sideline reporter who doesn’t feel like ass and titties grafted onto the hide of an otherwise fine football broadcast. (Hallo, Jill Arrington.) Andrews is out and done in thirty seconds or so, usually leaving behind something relevant to the game unfolding in front of you. And that, for someone not into the overcontested skinny blond with big boobs category, is her hottest attribute.

Though this…

Then one morning you wake up, roll over, and realize that you just spent your evening fucking the brains out of Michelle Tafoya.

…is just uncalled for, since we know for a fact that Michelle’s got verve, dammit, and that can lead to some spicy indoor leg wrestling, indeed. But don’t believe us…believe the internet:

Michele caused a bit of embarrassing national controversy for herself as she attended the 2003 University of Michigan-University of Minnesota football game at the Metrodome. According to reports, a drunken Tafoya did not take kindly to rowdy fans below her suite. She dumped a cup of beer [2] (perhaps two) on the fans, drenching many others below, hitting one 13-year-old girl in the eye.[3] Witnesses say she also went on a profanity-laced tirade. Police were called to her suite, removing her from the game.

THAT’S a woman we can watch a game with, sirs. The record of public drunkenness and fighting, an MBA from Southern Cal, and every other factor is adding up to one very important sum: Sugar Momma. All you have to do with her is pay bail and watch the game with her, something we do with half our friends and family members anyway. You get Erin Andrews, and we imagine you’ll be competing in the World’s Emotionally Strongest Man Contest in no time flat whether you liked it or not.

We’ll opt for Tafoya any day, especially because of her Latino blood, since as the governor of California reminds us, they are “hot” and “They have, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood that together makes it.”


Tafoya: beer-tossing, pantsuit-rocking potential.