Joining us in our rotating Friday Media Critic spot: Merrill Hoge, ESPN commentator and concussion sufferer, joining us as he tries to find his way out of the ESPN Jaworski Honorary Edge NFL Matchup Tape Archives.
Thanks for having me. Today I’m supposed to talk about…what was it again? It’s so hard to remember things sometimes. That’s why I write everything down in my Palm Pilot. It’s what NFL coaches do to make it in the men’s league that is the NFL. The league full of hard, tough, oiled- to-the-seams-in-glistening-nude-glory men.
Guest columnist Merrill Hoge wears those sweatbands under every outfit he owns.
And with a tap of my thingy here: POP! Media. I’m supposed to talk about the media and college football. I played college football once for a team. I may not remember what team it was for, but we were men. Hard, glorious men playing a man’s game. And that’s why we at ESPN are covering it even more than we did before with a new weekly show.
Jesus, couldn’t Fowler have done this? No, he’s out on vacation. Hey! Fowler just sent me an email. I’ll share his:
Hey, Hoge! Waiting in line at Borders for Potter book. Third in line! Wanna copy?
And here’s my response:
Hey, wizard-fag! Trip on my dick then suck on it. Love, Merrill.
Back to the continent below, today’s offering explores the interior of the continent and one of only two land locked countries in Latin America. From Paraguay, we give you a former Miss Universe contestant, Yanina Gonzalez.
College football may have found its first great conceptual artist. Note that we said “conceptual artist,” since “Daniel Moore,” the Norman Rockwell of Alabama football history, rightfully claims the title for good ol’ fashioned, hang it next to the Olan Mills family portrait kind of art.
Chum, the conceptual artist who created the rave-fantasy video of the Kansas State mascot jamming like Macaulay Culkin in Party Monster, has outdone himself with this custom video for BearMeat. Really, if you’ve never done acid, you shouldn’t, because that shit takes for-eeeeevvver to wear off, and even the hallucinated sight of the walls bleeding gets mundane after eight hours.
Just watch this instead. It’s shorter, cheap as free, and frankly, a bit more powerful than LSD.
That sound? They’re tunneling to rescue you, miner, one mighty scoop at a time. Just keep breathing, and think about the virtues of property damage in the name of victory. They can’t arrest us all!
Two Indiana football players and one University of Indianapolis footballer didn’t have the exact fare ready for a cab driver who took them home from the nightclub district of Indianapolis early Sunday morning. Fortunately, they had an exit plan: give the driver an address close to their actual house, run out of the cab claiming “they needed some rest,” have one of them leave $8.00, and then skip out on the tab completely. (HT: Tomek.)
Sad for you, fare-allergics: the suburban Greenwood police department has very little to do on a Saturday night. Were this Atlanta, the responding officer would tell you he had a squad car full of trannie hookers stabbing themselves with their high heels to take in, and that like Nick Saban, he didn’t have time for this shit. The Greenwood police called in backup, and after search of the neighborhood saw two men “running through the woods” near a golf course.
Somewhere in all of this the police found the football players at an aunt’s house, got them to come out of the house, and get us all to the best part of the story, where offensive lineman Sean Edmundson fails a late-night math test.
The officer told the three men to come outside and they complied. Edmundson told the officer he had paid his share and the officer adviced (sic) him that $8.00 did not add up to 1/3 of the $39.00 fare.
Math-tastic! All three wre arrested and taken to jail for the night on charges of theft, which get Indiana three Fulmer Cup points: two for the pair of theft charges, and one for sucking at math even we can do, a truly damnable crime.
No, you may not wear this shirt.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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