We’d like to open this with a statement for the Silica Gel-eating crowd: we know Eddie Robinson was a great, great coach, and that it’s rumored he’s got Alzheimer’s and is not doing well. Honors, plaudits, and kudos to him and all that he’s done.

That said, like many a great coach, he made some terrible, terrible ads in the name of augmenting his income. Courtesy of reader JR, we present just one of his 15 or so shills for Oldsmobile.

Notes:

-The commercial reminds you that, once upon a time in America, a guy could appear on the television and take up to ten seconds to get to the main topic of conversation. Robinson talks about education, football, his wife Doris, the weather, his hat size, how Rodney his buddy caught a fish the other day…the ad takes forever to get to the point, which is that Eddie Robinson really, really likes his Oldsmobile.

-Eddie’s kind of a half-assed feminist in this commercial. He lets His Wife Doris drive, which is pretty cool of him, especially with a steely blue land whale of a machine like that at your fingertips. Then again, he does say this line.

It really smooths out these roads, because it’s big and solid, but easy for my wife to handle.

Actually, on further review, we’re not sure Eddie’s just talking about the car anymore at that point.

-It looks like it’s 8 zillion degrees in the commercial, but Eddie passes the old-school man test by wearing a full suit without obvious distress in the heat. Respek.

-Eddie appears to be climbing out of the car and into Amelia Earhart’s plane at the end of the commercial.

Rating: A-. Good on the fundamentals and sticking to his gameplan, Robinson manages to get his wife to drive him around, convince you to buy a living room on wheels, and impart warm fuzzies about education and opportunity all in the course of a single commercial. Fine work by a classic coach.

Sure, the media may be concerned about whether coaches circumvent NCAA rules by texting recruits. But why aren’t they worrying about the grammar and syntax the coaches use when contacting recruits? Why have coaches declared A WAR ON GRAMMAR?!?!?

Matt asks the important questions at Orange44.

Ground zero in the war on spelling. Don’t let them get away with it!

The past week or so’s been a great lesson in why the overactive immune system that is the message board community is both a blessing and a curse to the mundo del futbol de universidad.

Without gettting too wonky or nut-deep in information theory and other things that will never, never get you laid, there’s an ongoing debate about exactly what the role of the expanding, raucous internet medium surrounding conventional news media and wire services is. Some think it’s a replacement, a leaner, meaner, more economical spout for information to flow through, both critiqueing and supplanting conventional media. These are the Glenn Reynlolds types of the worlds, the Instapundits who believe that in the future, the news will be whatever people post on the web followed by a single word: “heh,” or “indeed,” or maybe “RTWT.”

Then there’s everyone else, the people who aren’t sure what it is but keep posting content and assuming that there’s some kind of role for websites, and that it lies somewhere between posting pictures of fart jokes and fact-checking conventional media. Or perhaps it involves both. Speaking of…

Take that, Les Miles. You’ve been nailed by the new media!

Whew, that felt good. For everyone, Les included.

Back to the other thing the interweb can do: exchanging information of both the accurate and inaccurate variety. The past weeks been illustrative of the strengths and weaknesses of the online vetting and confrimation of stories. First there’s the Avery Atkins story. Message boards were all over this story for weeks, bubbling with a persistent but surprisingly measured message that yes, Atkins was in trouble, but that things were still up in the air. We reached the fridge and actually pulled out our last moldy piece of respectability by calling the sheriff and seeing if Atkins had any warrants sworn out for him; he didn’t, and that was all there was to be said.

In this case, message boards were spot-on, insisting in many cases that he was gone due to family problems three or four days before the major media got a hold of it. In other cases, though, message board communities can run 180 degrees in the wrong direction with a story with amazing consistency with existing fan beliefs. This tendency warps even further when the story has to do with a rival school.

For instance (clearing throat, assuming creepy movie guy voice here) :

Did you know that a NCAA official visited Auburn recently? Hmm…whaddya think THAT means, huh? COULD BE A VERY INTERESTING SUMMER IN ALABAMA ha ha ha ha…

Bama boards went-and are going-nuts with insinuation, innuendo, scuttlebutt and calumny about Auburn. This is nothing new, since football slander is in fact the third largest export of the state of Alabama (#2, Automotives, #1 Alabama Freshman OL Andre “The 8th Continent” Smith, who will be 7 feet tall and 420 rock-solid pounds by the time he graduates.) Never mind that the NCAA official in question is Rich McGlynn, an Auburn grad who was brought on to work in the compliance department.

A dream job for an Auburn grad with intimate knowledge of the NCAA’s byzantine regulations governing football? Nope-a Bobby Lowder conspiracy to co-opt the NCAA’s men by buying them off, that’s what that is. Keep in mind that we’re not saying we don’t think there are Auburn boosters holding black masses and selling cases of AK-47s to janjaweed in Darfur to fund illicit activities-we would totally believe that about the strange, successful, and always shifty bunch of people who call themselves football boosters-but in this case blame Human Resources for selecting the perfect candidate for his dream job, not the Don of Opelika’s endless, sinister machinations.

Boi From Troy’s marketing his own “NOT AT ALL REFERENCING ACTUAL USC PLAYERS” t-shirts for the season. We like the “‘licious” one, ourselves:

In no way affiliated with USC. But guaranteed to come in smalls to show of your, um, abs. Or ab.

Is there a better way to kill the off-season than talking about ourselves? I think not. That is why this EDSBS edition of the blog poll roundtable for discussion is designed to either refresh everyone’s recollection about our fellow participants or give us a greater insight into the deep dark psyche of each of us.

1. Education. List the region of the country you were born in, what universities you attended and at least one other you would have attended if your alma mater didn’t exist.

Orson’s Example: Born in Nashville, Tennessee. Graduated from University of Florida with a BA in something useless. Also picked up a M.S. from Georgia Tech, but still can’t do math. If we had to attend another uni, we would have chosen the University of Washington, because it is beaaaauuuyoouuutiful.

2. Sports Affiliations. List your top 10 favorite teams in all of sports in decending order. For instance, your alma mater’s football team may be number 1, but perhaps there is a professional team that squeezes in before you get to your alma mater’s lacrosse team.

10? We’re not that diverse, sportswise. Five we can do:

e. Umm…did we mention the Florida Gators? Again, we’re rather focused.

3. Movies. List the movie you’ve watched the most, your favorite sports related movie, the movie you secretly love but don’t like to admit it (possibly a chick flick or b film), and the movie you were (or still are) most looking forward to from this summer’s season.

Most watched: Caddyshack, probably. It’s a generational thing.

Shame flick: The 13th Warrior. Vikings fighting Cromagnons and accepting fate like men.

4. Music. List your favorite band from middle school, high school, college and today. Also, as with the movies, include the song you secretly love but don’t like to admit. If Nickleback is involved in any of these responses, please give a detailed explanation as to why, god, why.

Middle school: the Beatles.

Shamelove song: “Since You’ve Been Gone,” Kelly Clarkson. Rocks ass despite jacking the bridge from “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

5. Books. Favorite book you’ve finished, worst book you’ve finished and the book you really should read but haven’t gotten around to it.

Favorite: the Brothers Karamazov.

Book we should read but haven’t: A Son of the Circus, John Irving.

6. Travel. Favorite city you’ve every been to and the one place you still must visit before you shuffle off this mortal coil.

Fave city: Bangkok.

City we need to go to: Rio. Have you seen the video for “Beautiful” by Snoop Dogg? You’re going, too.

7. What do you love most about college football in 20 words or less?

Love, beauty, violence, and singularity.

However you’re doing it, you’re not doing it right. See, there’s a 33-year old LSU college student. That student gets very, very drunk during the Oregon State game. Old college student then strips off all clothes and runs onto field during game. Old college student then eludes several tackles by security while showing all of Tiger Stadium his andouille. (HT: Warren.)

Total cost: $1,624.75

Total number of people who saw old college student his li’l Huey Long: 80,000-90,000 people.

If that’s not a cost effective dating strategy, nothing is. In terms of labor and time spent emailing and putting just the right song to your picture, it might be cheaper than MySpace, actually. And all you have to risk is a little pepper spray and a dog bite, which if you’re one of our readers has already likely become a regular feature of your dating life.

And the guy? Not your Frank the Tank type. He’s actually a Ph.D student, according to LSU fans, and one who evidently hits the gym more than most.

Crazy. Drunk. And teaching your morning physical anthropology class.

Tell ‘em about it, Joe-Joe: Ed loves his Hummer, and you need a Hummer. Watch this or face certain doom, for it is the Ed Orgeron Hummer Ad:

We dug this out of the archives since several readers had sent it to us last fall, but frankly waiting this long has only made the ad sweeter. A few notes on why this ad has it all:

-The Casio Cletus soundtrack. There’s synthtar. There’s a hillbilly piano roll. There’s snare 1 and the high hat clanking along like the soundtrack to Nintendo’s 1985 classic “WHOREHOUSE CHAMPION OF GAMBLERS”(Japan only.) There’s fifteen dollars of sonic gold rolling through your ears-you’re welcome.

-Coach O. Not only can you stare directly at him without being turned to stone or bursting into flame (note that Joe-Joe does NOT appear in the same frame with him for safety reasons), but you can watch as Coach O turns out to be a pretty solid and enthusiastic pitchman. He’s just impressive to watch, since he even points like he’s about to hit someone. (Why do we suddenly think we need a hummer…) The sped-up shots of the Orgeron driving over bumps (undoubtedly the writhing, nearly dead bodies of his foes) are great, especially at the end when he lets out just a little maniacal laugh as the Hummer effortlessly crushes the skull of an effigy of Sly Croom.

-”Big, tough, aggressive, and it represents everything we want at Ole Miss.” He wants an impressive machine that runs out of gas at the worst times? There’s already a program working on that model, and it’s located in Blacksburg, Virginia.

****P.S. IF YOU KNOW ABOUT ANY OTHER COACHING COMMERCIALS IN ANY VIDEO MEDIUM, PLEASE EMAIL US. Seriously, we’ll drive to your house and get the grotty VHS tape out of your hands to get them. In particular, if anyone out there has an Urban Meyer commercial we’ll beg for them. His line reading is just a degree south of Bob Hope’s at 97. He looks like a hostage reading a confession: “I’m so happy to be working with Simpson Jewelers…and am also an agent of the Mossad.” Oh, and any Tommy Tuberville commercial involving Kroger. We’ve heard legends told about these that need visual verification.

Who better to officially call crap on a rumor than someone who lives on crappy rumor? Answer: a professional. But when you can’t get them, you get us. Brady Quinn’s ineligibility rumor as floated by ProFootballTalk.com is officially crap, since it attempts to connect the NCAA’s provision barring the hiring of agents during amateur competition with Weis’ suggestion that Notre Dame players shop around a little bit before it gets too late in their collegiate career to take a proper, thorough look around for representation. This makes perfect sense since half of college athletes, otherwise carefully trained, fed, and maintained physical properties, saunter into the NFL draft under the flag of their brother/uncle/homeboy/Master P and get screwed by contract provisions later in their career as a result.

Make ‘em say ugh, why the hell did I sign with you?

As great as this rumor would be-ballyhooed college power rising from the ashes gets shocking comeuppance!!!-there’s very little to it. The rule forbids agreements of any kind between players and agents, which means that as long as someone hasn’t caught Brady Quinn’s signature on a piece of paper or video of him saying “I’m signing with Drew Rosenhaus, because I want an insufferable crapbag as my agent,” there’s nothing here. =Emoticon inserted for benefit of USC, Boston College, and Purdue fans.

We say all of this because recently we were told that in order to write about something as fact, there had to be something called e-vi-dence to support your assertion. We’re attempting to work with this substance, though it’s an entirely new thing for us. Does one handle it with tongs? Can it be purchased in bulk? And is it relevant when writing about SEC football? (Judging from experience, we think not.)

Metro as hell, but still eligible to play college football.

Steve Levy, the converted fullback who went from third-string, confused with Sportscenter anchor no-name to bowl game starter, probably got a little fightin’ drunk at a Kells Irish Pub and Restaurant on Saturday night. We say that because sober people don’t often hurl pint glasses at bouncers’ heads as Levy did early Sunday morning. As funny-ha-ha as that sounds, it looks a little different when you consider the nasty charge it earned Levy: suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon other than a firearm, which could earn him anything from a fine to jail time.

The bouncer suffered a cut to his forehead but was treated and is fine. Cal earns two Fulmer Cup points for a potential felony assault charge. Though Levy is 22 and perfectly within his rights to go out and have a beer legally, Tedford may want to consider allowing only Joe Ayoob to go out, since there’s no way Ayoob would have been as accurate as Levy when throwing something. There’s no telling where that glass would have ended up.

NO! STEVE! DON’T THROW IT!!!

We’d want to be this guy.