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COACHES AS PITCHMEN: EDDIE ROBINSON ROLLS IN AN OLDS

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We'd like to open this with a statement for the Silica Gel-eating crowd: we know Eddie Robinson was a great, great coach, and that it's rumored he's got Alzheimer's and is not doing well. Honors, plaudits, and kudos to him and all that he's done.

That said, like many a great coach, he made some terrible, terrible ads in the name of augmenting his income. Courtesy of reader JR, we present just one of his 15 or so shills for Oldsmobile.

Notes:

--The commercial reminds you that, once upon a time in America, a guy could appear on the television and take up to ten seconds to get to the main topic of conversation. Robinson talks about education, football, his wife Doris, the weather, his hat size, how Rodney his buddy caught a fish the other day...the ad takes forever to get to the point, which is that Eddie Robinson really, really likes his Oldsmobile.

--Eddie's kind of a half-assed feminist in this commercial. He lets His Wife Doris drive, which is pretty cool of him, especially with a steely blue land whale of a machine like that at your fingertips. Then again, he does say this line.

It really smooths out these roads, because it's big and solid, but easy for my wife to handle.

Actually, on further review, we're not sure Eddie's just talking about the car anymore at that point.

--It looks like it's 8 zillion degrees in the commercial, but Eddie passes the old-school man test by wearing a full suit without obvious distress in the heat. Respek.

--Eddie appears to be climbing out of the car and into Amelia Earhart's plane at the end of the commercial.

Rating: A-. Good on the fundamentals and sticking to his gameplan, Robinson manages to get his wife to drive him around, convince you to buy a living room on wheels, and impart warm fuzzies about education and opportunity all in the course of a single commercial. Fine work by a classic coach.