In honor of 6-6-06, we give you the devil’s own band and the authors of “6-6-6, The Number of the Beast”: Iron Maiden. Enjoy the rest of your last day on earth to the tunes of the band’s trademark galloping guitar riffs. (If it sounds like Mongols on the ride, it must be Iron Maiden.)
Yes, that’s two YouTube posts in one day. But who are you to argue with Bruce Dickinson?
…allegedly! What we do know is that Alabama loses two depth chart moles-Chris “Suddenly Appropriately Named” Keys and T. Robinson-to the breakage of “unspecified team rules,” after which they “left the program.” (HT: Warren. The rumored specifying we’ve been getting indicates that they were allegedly hanging out with Sir Smoke-A-Lot. This doesn’t hurt Bama too much in terms of impact players; Keys was a special teams monster, which will hurt, and both had the requisite serious amount of potential you’d expect of someone with a scholarship offer from a top 25 team. Neither started, however, and were not likely to see tons of playing time this year. On the plus side, this also does a bit to firm up Shula’s disciplinary reputation without actually expelling a whole lot of value from the roster.
It also means that Keys and Simpson might have heard a lot about “backiotomies” recently.
God, if you’re listening…HEEEEEYYYYAAAAALLLLP!!!
Bama fans-valid rumor, or just a cheap excuse to post the funniest two minutes in Half-Baked?
Previews are, for someone attempting to write them in a bloggy sea awash with them, nearly impossible to construct effectively. CFN’s got their basement meth freaks chained to benches cranking out previews on your son’s flag football team. SMQ’s got his own autodidactic journalistic freakery going on, reviewing all 117 teams by his ownself in ripping fashion. Where the hell to go with the simple act of previewing teams?
We decided on a path of selectivity: we’re only doing the top 25 according to someone else, which is really great because our preseason top 25 is…well, somewhere under the car seat. Or scrawled on the back of a bail slip. Either way we’re unsure. So we’ll just jack Athlon’s, because it’s not a bad guess at the top 25, and gives us something to start from in writing these.
We also chose a slightly novel approach. Rather than giving you the pre-postmodern, lecturer at the center of the room, wonkish “here we speak from the pulpit” approach, we’ve tried to see things from the other side-from the teams themselves. Namely, we tried to see it from the perspective of the doomed graduate assistant charged with putting a PowerPoint presentation for each team’s initial summer practice session, detailing the priorities for the season in the style of the coach and the school in general.
Looks great, Tom. Go get me some coffee.
We think we may have gotten close with our first entry: #25 Nebraska, whose coach Bill Callahan now picks up the title of “Sooper Genious” coach in D-1 now that Gary Barnett is out. Dear Leader Callahan would like to remind you of a few things:
1. Click here to download the PowerPoint. (OR DON’T: THESE SEEM TO HAVE A NASTY EFFECT ON SERVER USAGE. For now, they’ve been removed.) View as slide show, and click through to begin. If you have a recent iteration of PowerPoint, you should hear music along with it, which should be immediately familiar to fans of figure skating or someone who’s watched The Hunt For Red October three thousand times. If you don’t, it should still be worthy of a giggle.
2. If not, please click here to view the presentation as a slideshow.
3. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
A cool piece on the actual effect of returning starters on defensive output may be found over at Buckeye Commentary, complete with sheeny shiny graphs indicating that returning starters on defense does and doesn’t affect your total points allowed, but does show a slight statistical swing in terms of yards allowed. Just one team, of course, but if you get nothing else out of the article you’ll at least get some quantification of the fearsome job OSU’s been doing on the defensive side of the ball in the Sweatervest Era.
“Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.”
Drew Tate stood there, sun shining on his skin. He’d just nailed a 6-iron hole-in-one at the Aegon Golf Tournament, and afterglow of channeled perfection refused to leave his body. (HT: Austin.) It was one of those shots that from its initiation to its finish felt like a single, long, perfect equation: the immaculate curve of backswing, the inevitable crash of the downswing declining by fixed degrees toward the impact of the ball at the exact center of the clubface, culminating in the thwock! of the ball and club’s transferred energy exploding in the noise of collision and its perfect harmonics vibrating through the club. $25,000 dollars in a single swing. He stood, ready to sign the papers, when…
FROM THE SKY! Myles Brand, swooping down in his stately robes to prevent young Tate from accepting the illegal benefit he rightfully earned with his golfsmanship. “Whew, that was close,” says Brand, cheerfully yanking the 3 x 6 check away from Tate. “We almost had a violation there, and wouldn’t that have been something.”
“Sure would have,” says Tate as he tosses his club disgustingly to the ground.
“You’re welcome, son. Any time.” Myles then kicks Tate in the balls, turns and soars skyward, becoming a tiny, billowy black dot of righteousness in the stratosphere.
Myles Brand: soaring the heavens to prevent NCAA violations, coming down to kick you in the nuts.
You may say you want to jump off a bridge, but to actually think about doing it in a fit of despair requires a set of serotonin-depleted neurons in very, very bad shape. This appeared a while ago in ESPN magazine, but the online article still chills: Kyle Ambrogi, running back for the University of Pennsylvania and all-around overacheiver and otherwise apparently stable guy, broke down over the span of three months, culminating in his eventual suicide. Wayne Drehs does a superb job detailing the improbable becoming the unthinkable.
The least likely.
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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