Bill officially outs himself as a card-carrying member of the Boston Mafia, interviewing Bob Ryan-yes, THE Bob Ryan-on ATL Eagle.
Part 1 is up, with part 2 to come.
Bill knows the secret handshake that gets you an interview with Bob. Unfortunately, he never asks him if Mike Lupica has a really small penis.
Reason number 1265 that fans of college football fandom and passion should love the World Cup… even if they hate soccer…. this picture below, according to the AP, is of a South Korean soccer fan protesting against the referee’s calls after South Korealost to Switzerland as he watched the match on a screen in Seoul. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a grown man. Now that is passion even we can learn from.
The refs were biased, now I must take off my pants.
Give Miami their due. When they decide to cut rap tracks to back their football team, at least they’re noteworthy and feature actual members of the team talking abou the things they love and feel passionate about: group sex, hitting people, and doing both in groups.
Unreadable MySpace page owner and Florida fan Ol’ Boi-who like Slimm Thug, appears to be neither part of his nickname-has an attempt at making a Florida-themed rap song.
We’ll give him a wide berth for the attempt, but state that for the record playing Gordon Lightfoot’s “Carefree Highway” would be more intimidating as an intro song.
Would like to tell you about the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. At great length.
Footnote to this: we were watching last year’s SC-UGA game on CSS this weekend (they know we’re desperate) and was reminded of the best use of pregame music ever, UGA’s use of “Baba O’Riley” by the Who. The only disappointing thing was watching the UGA fanbase just sit there as it was playing, since we were pogoing up and down in the living room just watching it.
Those stands should be having their structural integrity tested at that point.
When taunting an opposing fanbase, there’s a grab bag of general insults to hurl in the general direction of the degenerate, retarded, filthy, and obviously poor, shiftless cretins who paid bail and sold plasma to buy a Greyhound ticket to the game. They’re toothless. They live with their mothers. They poop in styrofoam coolers on their way back to their toothless and poor mother’s house, where they’ll put on their team shirt before going to jack off in the public library to barnyard porn. And they really, really hate Michigan.
Those guys. They’re totally different over there. They don’t even cry tears, just battery acid that falls from their eyes.
These insults generally rely on calling an opposing fan everything you would most definitely NOT want to be, stricken with the diseases of poverty and-still worse-cursed with bad taste and a crippling addiction to underclass fashion. But when you call a West Virginia fan a toothless, gonorrhea-riddled pigfucker as Steve Slaton runs sixty yard wind sprints through your defense, is it more true than turning to the friendly fan next to you and saying the same? Do Iowa fans really have a higher probability of coming to the game jittered up on meth? Which fans stand the highest probability of actually being crazy?
In our ongoing quest to bring the sweet light of truth and science to college fandom, we combed the public health records database at StateMaster to see which college fans truly earned the oaths and libel tossed in their direction by…well, by you probably.
Test Statement #1: “You toothless rednecks!!!”
Most toothless fanbase: West Virginia. Apply fairly to the Thundering Herd or the Mountaineers, since 42.8% of West Virginia have lost at least one of their natural teeth. Combined with their passion for burning couches, whiskey drankin’, and football, West Virginians must fill the offseason with an endless stream of jumbo-sized Sugar Daddies. Do they sub peanuts at the bar for tubs of Milk Duds?
Ya gotta headache, Enoch? Take three a these every six minutes and you’ll be fine.
In the SEC, one may safely call everyone else a toothless redneck if you are a Florida fan, since we have the highest percentage of natural tooth retention, with only 18.7% of the population losing natural teeth. (It’s the highly flouridated water in Florida, which may weaken you natural essences but leaves your teeth a pearly white that contrasts nicely with your leathery, skin-cancer spotted skin.) Kentucky claims the most toothless crown in the SEC, which serves as a nice metaphor for their football program as a whole, and Tennessee’s gumming their heels in second place for the most open rental space in their grill.
Other conferences:
Pac-10 Tooth Champs: Any team in Cal. That smile contrasts nicely with the bronzer!
Pac-10 Gum Lords: Oregon. Blame the mutant cannibals roaming the wastes of eastern Oregon for that one-they never use mouthwash.
Big 10 Dental Suck-Ups: Minnesota. You don’t have a toothy Gopher as a mascot for nothing. When you’re snowed in, what are you going to do besides floss?
Suck-up rodent. Easy to do with only two teeth.
Big 10 Picket Fencemouths: Indiana. Proximity… (more…)
The NCAA will lobby the BCS to ban any and all “offensive mascot” Indian names from BCS competition, according to Illinois Director of Athletics Ron Guenther. U of I has yet to make a formal response to the NCAA along the lines of UND President and EDSBS hero Charles Kupchella’s jeremiad/nerd-slap, so Chief Illiniwek will be on the sidelines for this fall more exciting [NAME REDACTED] football, which may be Myles Brand’s way of eliminating the horribly offensive mascot: killing him with bad football and constant on-field “improvement.”
The Southwest Illinois Community College Scalpin’ Hatchet-Packers, though? They’re like totally screwed, man.
The only thing standing between you and fatal offense. You need him on that wall.
Rich Rodriguez, the 2006 hott coach o’ the year, has finally agreed to a contract extension with West Virginia, which pays him a measly million a year to stay in his dream job at Morgantown. The base salary of $150,000 remains, but Coach Rod (the ultimate porn name in coaching and the name of his website, too) will make $850K in extras through media, endorsements, and all the other plate-spinning extracurriculars making up a college coach’s day.
Mountaineer fans, you have a Rod everyone envied ’round the college football world. Stroke him. Let him know you love him, and don’t put him under undue pressure to perform. And remember that in a game of inches, Coach Rod has passed every measure of the yardstick he’s faced. Congrats, Mountaineers: yours is a Rod to behold.
Respect the Rod, Mountaineers. This guy sure does.
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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