LOVE HAS ENEMIES. It’s Friday, and your depleted soul likely needs inspiration. Adventure. Romance. A guy who looks like anorexic Ben Stiller playing a D ‘n D rocker with big dreams, a penchant for pirate shirts and swordplay, but without at annoying Ben Stiller “Look me so clever” smarm. A ship blowing up for no reason. An alligator. A man jumping out of a plume of dragon’s fire.

Chris Dane Owens, you fucking genius:

You’ve just been retaught the meaning of love. You’re welcome.

U-Dub gets a former USC assistant. Not bringing Dad. USC offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian will be the next coach at Washington, making him the first half-Irish, half-Armenian head coach in our nation’s history. When not starting barfights and railing about the Turks, he will have to rebuild the gutted Washington program from the floor up because it’s tore up. He starts the job with as many wins as Ty Willingham had for all of 2008, so that’s nice.

Yarr Eagle. Mike Leach excused himself from the U-Dub coaching search yesterday, but he’s very much in the running for the Auburn job, mostly because Auburn runs out of easy answers after they scratch the name “Mike Leach” off the cocktail napkin they are undoubtedly running their football program off of at the moment. Remember: Tubs resigned and all went smoothly, and was most definitely not ousted in a three day slow-motion coup Congolese guerillas would have described as “disorganized.” Now come on down, coach PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Chris Rainey’s crotch is hurt. An overuse injury, of course. Meyer says it won’t affect him during the game.

Dad! Stop writing the paper! Brian Cockhill (titter), father of fired Wyoming offensive coordinator Bill Cockhill (giggle), actually writes in to the Casper Star-Tribune to demand an apology for his son a year after he was canned and had to go to work in a bank…his dad’s bank. No, love can’t cloud your ability to judge someone’s performance. We think you have a beautiful singing voice, honey.