SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.
In lieu of refunding everyone’s daily subscription fees for what’s turning out to be the first letdown day following the OMG GREATEST FOOBAW WEEKEND EVAR 2K8, we’re taking a step back. There’s absolutely nothing interesting happening today, so we’re focusing inward and using this time to improve ourselves as fans by confessing our greatest cardinal football sins. We surveyed ourselves, fellow bloggers just as strapped for content as we are this afternoon, and a few intrepid commenters. The following is our preliminary list of trespasses against our fellow man, our school loyalty, and in several cases against humanity itself.
Forgive me father, for I enjoy the sounds of “Rocky Top”.
ORSON, Florida: “I like Georgia’s colors.”
HOLLY, Tennessee: “I think the recitation of Neyland’s Maxims is one of the dumber traditions in college football and would like nothing better than to see it scrapped.”
PB, Texas: “I don’t hate Kirk Herbstreit like I should. It’s pitiful. He has some weird charisma that overwhelms my rational mind. Maddening.”
SIGNAL TO NOISE, USC: “I’ve started to hate Mark Sanchez. I was uneasy with it; there was something I couldn’t place. I was kind of “well, he’s the QB of the team I root for,” but when the announcers last week compared him to Vince from Entourage, my hate made sense.”
ROCKABYE REGGIE NELSON, Florida: “I prefer games on TV to games in person.”
WORSTFAN, Ohio State: “I want Ohio State to lose again, so I can stop trying to rationalize how they still deserve to be in consideration to be “in it”. I say this as a holder of two Ohio State degrees and former 5 year resident of the 43210.”
BURRITOBROSSHITS, Florida: “Feigning love for the Buckeyes to get laid. Actually worked but I felt really dirty and guilty afterwards. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, though, so I just bounced.”
MONDAY MORNING PUNTER, Ohio State: “Daryll Clark is the man! He strikes me as the kind of guy that could take a girl out to a nice dinner the one minute and then toss her down a flight of stairs the next.”
LT. WINSLOW, Miami: “Fuck it. I don’t regret it. I shared a brief, romantic moment with my coke-whore ex girlfriend’s best friend inside the privacy of a stall in the women’s bathroom in the west endzone of the Orange Bowl at the ‘06 Miami-FSU game. There were little teardrop shaped titties and a baggie of white powder and I’d do it again if I had the chance.”
We feel better already. Please, do join the purge party below with your worst transgressions.
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290
In addition
I can’t stand the attention whores that always get camera time that are covered in face paint or cowboy hats and capes. I keep thinking John Wayne Gacy every time they appear.
I too am jealous of any team that can beat an SEC team in a bowl. This is one of the great mysteries of life.
I tear up when the band makes their ramp entrance in the stadium.
I wish our good fans would turn in the ones who just want to be assholes so that the bad element disappears and we get a better reputation. I understand the rivalry better than anyone, but harrassment of fans is stupid. So is booing the UM band to the point of not hearing a note they play. It really is embarrassing.
The eagle flying in the stadium at Auburn is cool.
Alabama fans make ours look sane by comparison. But I know their pain and frustration.
LSU fans are funny, crazy and good cooks at a tailgate. The Tiger eye is the best designed logo on grass ever.
I hate that our home scarlet unis don’t have any gray on the sleeves anymore. I also think Nike sucks and wish we would dictate terms with them to either design the right color scheme or we’ll find somebody who will.
Comment by Crabapple Buck — October 15, 2025 @ 11:19 am
289
I feel your pain. The HOPE scholarship turned me from a UF fan into a UGA fan in only a year. My father was not pleased.
Side note: we moved from Florida to Bama for dads work and lived there 2 years before moving to Atlanta for the same reason. While there, my sister graduated high school and was offered a scholarship to Auburn.
The next couple of months are always interesting around the house.
Comment by #182 UGA, — October 15, 2025 @ 11:16 am
288
I’m a little late to this party, but here goes…
CouchBurnin’Girl, WVU - I’ve never actually set fire to a couch. I am angry at Michigan for stealing our coach and setting us up for our current situation, but recognize that it was a better job and don’t blame RR for taking it. I hate Notre Dame and Virginia Tech WAY more than Pitt.
Comment by CouchBurnin'Girl — October 15, 2025 @ 11:08 am
287
the great bill, Auburn fan…
1. Even though I make fun of bama fans living off the past acheivements of their 12 national titles, I would likely strangle my cat for Auburn to have the same.
2. Carnell Wiliams might have been a little overrated. And I was embarassed for him when he spoke in public.
3. Although I say LSU fans are the most obnoxious bunch ever, I secretly admire their bourbon-soaked passion and wish our fans could be that rabid.
4. Pat Dye was one of the worst things to happen to Auburn.
5. I can’t stand Auburn fans who where the “All Auburn, All Orange” T-shirts to games.
6. I’m afraid of Nick Saban.
Comment by the great bill — October 15, 2025 @ 11:08 am
286
Barstoolio - maybe, if you spoke Panther between 1990-1994. I piled all my stuff in a heap and burned it after the Div. III debacle but will worship Reboul until I die.
I am told that before Cal introduced Oski in 1941, live bears mascots were used “with varying degrees of success,” and I would give a couple of toes to know what they meant by that.
Bonus confession, which if related to my family down South will result in a date with the sour apple tree:
I think Notre Dame is THE tradition in college football and the fact that they play Army and Navy all the time fills me with a warm glow of 40s nostalgia and reverence for history.
…I’ll show myself out…
Comment by Vandy J — October 15, 2025 @ 11:05 am
285
SC alum here
- I hate our fans, most of whom are clueless frat boys and sorority girls. Even the ones I’d bonk in a minute.
- I miss Norm Chow.
- I’m jealous of the SEC’s fan base.
- Yeah, Reggie took the money. Fucker.
Comment by Cleat Meat — October 15, 2025 @ 11:02 am
284
UGA Fan-
In High School I went to my First College football game was GT v Clemson when Godsey lead Tech to an overtime win over Clemson. I sang “Im a wrambling wreck from Georgia Tech and a helluva an Engineer”
My first SEC football game was when Auburn Beat Rex Grossman at Auburn, I loved it. I loved the fans, the war eagle chant, and I think that eagle that flies around is awesome (in best GW Bush Voice)
I secretly believe we are just a notch below the top flight programs in the country and always will be.
I never liked David Pollack, not a bit.
Comment by eric — October 15, 2025 @ 11:01 am
283
We don’t hate 2-bits. We find the old man and his antics adorable and play along to keep grampy happy. But I don’t mourn this year’s supposed retirement.
I don’t think this is a confession but I hate Florida’s band. Lazy fucks. 4 years there and every halftime seemed like a tribute to Chicago. Yeah! 25 or 6 to 4.
Comment by John — October 15, 2025 @ 11:01 am
282
Where to begin?
I am one of three people from Louisiana that hates LSU.
I know more about my wife’s football team (UF) than my own (ULL).
We paid extra to have a suite at the hospital when our son was born so we could catch the Thursday night game.
I am still not over the Ron Zook years.
I am glad that SOS did not go back to UF.
My mother-in-law beat me, my wife and my friends in our college pick ‘em pool last year.
Comment by RaginCajun — October 15, 2025 @ 10:55 am
281
Gamecock fan with confessions-
I enjoy tailgating in Clemson more than at Williams Brice.
I am completely jealous of Clemson’s 1 cheated national championship.
I slept through both our outback bowl wins because I got too drunk the night before.
Comment by Chicken — October 15, 2025 @ 10:51 am