SLOW NEWS DAY: TAKE THIS TIME TO PURGE.
In lieu of refunding everyone’s daily subscription fees for what’s turning out to be the first letdown day following the OMG GREATEST FOOBAW WEEKEND EVAR 2K8, we’re taking a step back. There’s absolutely nothing interesting happening today, so we’re focusing inward and using this time to improve ourselves as fans by confessing our greatest cardinal football sins. We surveyed ourselves, fellow bloggers just as strapped for content as we are this afternoon, and a few intrepid commenters. The following is our preliminary list of trespasses against our fellow man, our school loyalty, and in several cases against humanity itself.
Forgive me father, for I enjoy the sounds of “Rocky Top”.
ORSON, Florida: “I like Georgia’s colors.”
HOLLY, Tennessee: “I think the recitation of Neyland’s Maxims is one of the dumber traditions in college football and would like nothing better than to see it scrapped.”
PB, Texas: “I don’t hate Kirk Herbstreit like I should. It’s pitiful. He has some weird charisma that overwhelms my rational mind. Maddening.”
SIGNAL TO NOISE, USC: “I’ve started to hate Mark Sanchez. I was uneasy with it; there was something I couldn’t place. I was kind of “well, he’s the QB of the team I root for,” but when the announcers last week compared him to Vince from Entourage, my hate made sense.”
ROCKABYE REGGIE NELSON, Florida: “I prefer games on TV to games in person.”
WORSTFAN, Ohio State: “I want Ohio State to lose again, so I can stop trying to rationalize how they still deserve to be in consideration to be “in it”. I say this as a holder of two Ohio State degrees and former 5 year resident of the 43210.”
BURRITOBROSSHITS, Florida: “Feigning love for the Buckeyes to get laid. Actually worked but I felt really dirty and guilty afterwards. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, though, so I just bounced.”
MONDAY MORNING PUNTER, Ohio State: “Daryll Clark is the man! He strikes me as the kind of guy that could take a girl out to a nice dinner the one minute and then toss her down a flight of stairs the next.”
LT. WINSLOW, Miami: “Fuck it. I don’t regret it. I shared a brief, romantic moment with my coke-whore ex girlfriend’s best friend inside the privacy of a stall in the women’s bathroom in the west endzone of the Orange Bowl at the ‘06 Miami-FSU game. There were little teardrop shaped titties and a baggie of white powder and I’d do it again if I had the chance.”
We feel better already. Please, do join the purge party below with your worst transgressions.
348 Replies »
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LSU alum
I’ve got family members all over the SEC, and here are my secret confessions based on trips all over the South.
-I’m jealous that we don’t have a Tiger Navy that comes up on the Mississippi River. The Vol Navy is one of the most amazing traditions in sports.
-I’m jealous that our fans don’t have an organized kickoff cheer (a la “Goooooooo Dawgs! Sic ‘em! Woof-woof-woof” or “Waaaaaaaar Eagle! Hey!”)
-I’m jealous that every single student in Jordan-Hare Stadium has a pompom and they shake them all in perfect unison.
-I’m jealous that when a game is completely out of hand at halftime, Vandy’s fans get to leave (without guilt or harrassment) and head to the bar.
-I’m jealous of The Grove at Ole Miss because it makes me wish I had read more Faulkner, paid attention when my grandmother was making deviled eggs, and owned a sterling silver candelabra.
-I think TOBC is the most competitive man in the history of football. The man kicked his own 40-yard field goal to beat Auburn because he trusted himself more than his own kicker.
Comment by salliek76 — October 15, 2025 @ 9:34 am
259
I have to admit one more thing, and I have to say some will vilify me for it but some will nod and say, “yeah, I feel ya”:
After being a born-and-bred Ole Miss fan, I gotta say, when I went to USM and Bama to get my masters degrees and when I took the job at State, it was kinda nice to have school colors, mascots, fight songs, and other traditions without all the overt racial connotations. And if you tell my Colonel Reb-loving daddy I said that I’ll deny every word.
Comment by the croominator — October 15, 2025 @ 9:15 am
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I turned down free tickets from Shaun Alexander to the Bama Florida game in the Swamp during the 99 season to spend the weekend with a girl.
Comment by JIMatUA — October 15, 2025 @ 9:14 am
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I despise the Atlantic Coast Conference, and wish Georgia Tech had never left the SEC… despite the fact we’d probably be a bottom feeder.
I think, just like Georgia/Clemson/etc fans do, that most GT fans are snobbish a-holes who need to get over themselves.
I would also rather party in Athens on a Gameday than arguably anywhere else on the planet.
Comment by Ramblin' Jeff — October 15, 2025 @ 9:10 am
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Sullivan013: Dye-hard Auburn fan
I always liked Bear Bryant. I remember rooting for Auburn as a child, but never missing a Bear Bryant show (though I enjoyed the 72 show more than anything in my life - hearing Bear having to admit losing that game was pure ectasy).
I miss the Wreck Tech parade more than any of the ‘newer’ traditions at Auburn, to include the Tiger Walk and the Eagle Flyover.
I thought the ‘Black out’ at the AU-GA game last year was one of the most awe-inspiring, intimidating stunts of the modern era.
Georgia had the prettiest girls in the SEC in the early 80s (excepting, of course, my wife that I met at Auburn).
I realized I find greater enjoyment out of Auburn games when we’re the underdog than when we completely dominate. Others throw thier hands up about the unneccesarily close nail-biter games, but I actually find winning those to be a better tonic than winning by three touchdowns. Even the perfect season and SEC championship in 2004 doesn’t approach the euphoric bliss of the last minute field goals over Florida in ‘01 and ‘07, and the Brad Lester’s last first down in the 2007 Iron Bowl.
I *like* ‘three yards and a cloud of dust” power I football. I would rather see a halfback running for six off-tackle than a 30-yard completion.
F*ck the Spread.
Comment by sullivan013 — October 15, 2025 @ 8:56 am
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Digital Headbutt, UNC:
I have yet to attend a college football game outside of Kenan Stadium. Sorry.
Comment by Digital Headbutt — October 15, 2025 @ 8:55 am
254
@ 232
Hollywood did, he was Bart the Bear.
Key word: Did. He killed his training (head bite) and was put down.
So no go there.
Comment by That 5.0 Guy — October 15, 2025 @ 8:53 am
253
INDIANA “FOOTBALL”
-the all red uniforms suck
-the field turf is dreadful to look at
-the defense always sucks asshole
-the stadium sucks, thank god it’s getting renovated
-the tailgating scene is more enjoyable than the games.
-all these can be corrected in time, so hopefully they turn it around.
-a wonderful tradition of losing
-I was just as jealous as I was angry a few years ago when OSU fans overtook our stadium and did the O-H-I-O chant in our stands.
(I still love Coach Hep, his brief work with the program was the sole reason why Indiana fans still have some hope for improvement.)
Comment by Hoosier — October 15, 2025 @ 8:39 am
252
John, UGA - I don’t repent much so this is going to be quite extensive.
1. I get really tired of hearing about Herschel Walker.
2. I also think Uga is of questionable genetic makeup.
3. I think Tebow deserved the Hesiman…and I think he is an amazing person.
4. I thought that Urban Meyer and the spread would never ever ever ever work in the SEC…and I was really really wrong.
5. I think GT is a good school.
6. UGA’s cheerleaders are low on “talent”
7. Love the power “T” at Vols games
8. I respect South Carolina’s fan base
9. I think everything the OBC says is hilarious
10. I really hope everyone else in the SEC loses every game and I do understand the consequences of such a scenario.
11. I don’t drink before or during games and I’m completely cool with that.
12. Wish I lived in New Zealand/Australia so I wouldn’t get so caught up in college football.
13. I completely HATEEEEEEEE when UGA fans trash talk at games. Karma is a bitch.
14. I want to beat everyone senseless who does the “keys” thing.
15. Even if we lose to Florida the next 10 years (which based on recent history doesn’t seem too far off), I will still become slightly aroused by the thought of “The Celebration” (and I will buy the landscape print…)
16. I think Auburn is a cool place.
17. I think Paul Johnson will do really good things for GT and I’m terrified of the triple option
18. I get embarrassed with most UGA fans
19. WISH CALVIN JOHNSON WOULD HAVE CAME TO UGA!!!!!
20. Jealous of USC, Ohio State, Michigan, Notre Dame and everyone else who gets ranked highly based on their history and wish UGA got that some kind of credit.
Comment by Moaterboater — October 15, 2025 @ 8:35 am
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I’d really enjoy having sex with Helen Hunt. Does the fact that I think she looks just like Mark Richt make me gay. It’d be great if she could yell things like “go deep”, “run around end”, and “plug up the hole”
Comment by Username — October 15, 2025 @ 8:32 am