OLE MISS 31, FLORIDA 30
At least someone’s happy about this. Frankly, you’re probably fortunate if you lose by one after you spend the entire third quarter practicing the “fumble” drill. You’re actually fortunate to not lose by two TDs, actually, given the number of flubs, mistakes, miscues, clusterfucks, missed tackles, blown assignments, dropped passes, and fumbles fumbles fumbles fumbles fumbles did we mention fumbles yes fumbles.
The defense made one critical mistake, and that was Major Wright deciding to guard the wrong side of the field on the long pass to Shea Hodge. The rest is on the offense: the offense that kept playing the lunch buffet with the play-calling, calling up a seemingly random slew of plays to turnover the ball with, the offense that gave the Ole Miss offense the ball three times inside the fifty, the offense plunged this team headfirst off a cliff with errors and a final fatal playcall—the Tebow Smash that hasn’t worked at all going on now four games into this season-that was doomed from the beginning.
Turnovers killed Florida for the majority of the game. Then play-calling delivered the coup-de-grace. Someone tell us how Tim Tebow morphed into low-carb Jared Lorenzen in the span of a single offseason, and we’ll give you a dollar for your efforts. Holy fucking cowcunt, we just lost to Count Giggity in game four in classic Houston Nutt fashion: countless mistakes by the other team, outrageous high-school playcalling, a quarterback who goes 9/20 but throws nothing but backbreakers on those completions.
If your team’s undefeated right now, do us a favor: watch. your. fucking. ass. Oh, and if the game’s on the line, and you’re a bit skeevy on the idea of having your kicker try a 51 yarder, try something that doesn’t play into the obvious weaknesses of your team thus far and the other team’s strengths simultaneously.
1
Someone’s a little bit cranky. Its one loss, calm down. Haven’t you not learned anything from last season?
If anyone has the right to be cranky, its Virginia fans. Their team just got SERVED by DUKE. Unreal
Comment by Big Ern — September 27, 2025 @ 3:41 pm
2
OFFENSEOFFENSEOFFENSE!!!! Can someone please explain to me why Dan Mullen chose to call the plays that he did? I mean seriously what. the. fuck? Most of the errors in this game were mental errors that a well-honed, mature team would have surpassed? We’re fucking mature? We’re still in fucking diapers in my opinion. We got beaten straight up. There goes my weekend.
Comment by BurritoBrosShits — September 27, 2025 @ 3:42 pm
3
So, let me get this straight… U$C loses to an unranked OSU team on the road, and all we hear is, “The PAC-10 is soooo overrated. How can a top ranked team team lose to an unranked conference opponent? Just goes to show you how bad and weak their conference is. ” Now that a mighty highly ranked SEC team has lost to an unranked conference foe (at home no less), I’m sure what we’ll hear is, “Look how good the SEC is. When an unranked team can beat a top-5 ranked conference opponent on the road, it just goes to show you how balanced and tough our conference is.” Well, which one is it? You can’t have it both ways.
Just pointing out the obvious…
Comment by PAC10Observer — September 27, 2025 @ 3:43 pm
4
I’d say the defense was also responsible for letting a sub-par running back gash for 5-8 yards at a time from the shotgun.
Did enjoy the Jared Lorenzen reference though.
I’m hoping the Dawgs keep their shit together tonight. I hate that bastard Saban!
Comment by RedCrake — September 27, 2025 @ 3:44 pm
5
Ern: Are you serious? In the words of the immortal Dan Hawkins: “ITS DIVISION I FOOTBALL!!!!” One game can dictate how the season goes. That’s how f’ed up college football is.
Comment by BurritoBrosShits — September 27, 2025 @ 3:44 pm
6
We tried giving it to you and you gave it right back. Ole Miss looked as bas as any team in the country on that last drive of the 1st half. I hope Dexter takes the majority of snaps from here on out.
Comment by Fair — September 27, 2025 @ 3:44 pm
7
One loss? Itls Mississippi… Florida has no room for error now. This si the SE, they have a big game vs. LSU in two weeks.. pretty much every game is win out from here.
Florida was terrible in the 2nd half, you can’t turn the ball over like that… I guess Florida didn’t watch and learn from USC’s game on Thursday night.
Comment by Stefan Ming — September 27, 2025 @ 3:44 pm
8
That’s McClusterfucks, to you.
Comment by BadgerMan — September 27, 2025 @ 3:46 pm
9
Y’all see the bats too, right?
Comment by Holly — September 27, 2025 @ 3:46 pm
10
Last season’s untreated transitive herpes is this season’s viral meningitis.
Comment by vegas_buckeye — September 27, 2025 @ 3:46 pm
11
County Giggity? At least that makes me feel a little better.
That call on 4th down with the game on the line? May Dan Mullen’s sack be besieged by angry fire ants.
At least Florida still controls their destiny in the East. But that doesn’t take the sting of this bullshit loss away.
Comment by Bdoc — September 27, 2025 @ 3:46 pm
12
Florida, MAO!!!!!
Boomer Sooner!
Comment by boomer3791 — September 27, 2025 @ 3:47 pm
13
Its one loss, calm down.
Man, are you ever in the wrong place today.
Comment by Holly — September 27, 2025 @ 3:48 pm
14
Oh, the spleen. It’s unbearable.
Comment by poguemahone — September 27, 2025 @ 3:48 pm
15
It could be worse… you could have been Croomed. This year Ole Miss didn’t let one player (Percy Harvin) beat us the way Tim Tebow did last year. Great game overall.
Seriously, Ole Miss almost lost the game due to penalties and weird calls (like the overturned completion where the receiver had his hands under the ball the entire time). The fact that Ole Miss pulled it out I think shows a change in the attitude in Oxford. I had heartburn towards the end because Ole Miss has tended to lose these close games.
Comment by OxfordAndrew — September 27, 2025 @ 3:48 pm
16
Small consolation, but is anyone else seeing the ad for “What Just Happened”? Seems appropriate.
It would also seem that climate change has driven the ice weasels from their natural habitat even earlier this season than last.
Comment by Boy Howdy — September 27, 2025 @ 3:48 pm
17
Dan Mullen to a despondent Florida fanbase: “We do it because we love you”
Florida fanbase (who looks vaguely like John C. Reilly): “Dan, I’m doing this because I love you. FUCK YOU. Bon Voyage!”
Comment by BurritoBrosShits — September 27, 2025 @ 3:51 pm
18
I’m stunned…fucking…speechless…
Comment by OrangeGator — September 27, 2025 @ 3:52 pm
19
Cow Cunt? Someone needs “saved” by Tim Teabow from that kind of language.
Comment by Rob of tOSU — September 27, 2025 @ 3:57 pm
20
The surreal thing was that I was watching BOTH Dan to Earth Hawkins and GIGGETY GIGGETY at the same time. Total mindfuck.
Comment by yoyofutbawl — September 27, 2025 @ 3:58 pm
21
@10: I would rather be Croomed. At least in that case you get a few glasses of wine, and a wonderful serenade by a deep baritone voice. With Nutt, you get some moonshine and a schizophrenic, bug-eyed mamba.
Comment by Bdoc — September 27, 2025 @ 3:58 pm
22
OK, it’s clear that Bizarro College Football Season has made a return for yet another year, but fucking GIGGITY?
Orson summarized the game probably as best as he could for those of us who did not get it on TV and yet I still don’t believe it.
Comment by Signal to Noise — September 27, 2025 @ 4:01 pm
23
#3
With all due respect, USC lost to an Oregon State team that lost to a bottom feeder conference opponent.
Meanwhile, Ole Miss’ two losses have both come to ranked teams.
Comment by RedCrake — September 27, 2025 @ 4:01 pm
24
Once again in a close game, Dan Mullen finds a way to lose it for us. Urban’s plan to “take back the swamp” lost a lot of it’s meaning last year when Auburn kicked a last second field goal against us to ruin our undefeated at home record since Meyer took the reins. But this just took a figurative shit on our morale.
Houston busted his Nutt right in Meyers smug eye. And all Meyer is going to do in press conferences is dodge dive dip duck and dodge all the important questions about why we never play to our potential.
Fire Dan Mullen and give me his job. Or give it to anyone but him. Hell, give it to a chimpanzee who picks plays at random by hitting whichever colored buttons strike his fancy.
Oh, and congrats to Ole Miss.
Comment by UFmegood — September 27, 2025 @ 4:02 pm
25
Well let me be the first to say it….I try to warn ya Orson, I said 3 weeks ago the game I worried about for Bama was Ole Miss, now my sneaking suspicions have been proven and the bats outta the cave…. Batshitcrazy won with Coach O’s players, the same players that played everyone close last year(too close for comfort), and due to bad QB’s and coaching decisions, lost most of those they should have won. Houston Nutt is the master of taking everything you give him and getting points off it and making you pay…..Coach O would turn around and give it back. If I recall, Ole Miss has played many supposed “tough” SEC teams to the wire more often than not, most times a last minute field goal either won it for the other team or lost it for Ole Miss…YOU CANT LET HOUSTON NUTT HANG AROUND HE WILL WEASEL HIS WAY TO A WIN…HE IS LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON WHO LIVES ON THINGS PEOPLE GIVE AWAY…..so keep giving and he will keep taking fumbles, missed tackles, penalties…..and putting them on the scoreboard as a reminder……..Da Rebbas dun it agin
Comment by Mr.Pelican Pants — September 27, 2025 @ 4:07 pm
26
Anybody miss Chris Leak yet?
Comment by Digital Headbutt — September 27, 2025 @ 4:08 pm
27
24
Woody McCorvey has been using the same chimp for five years now and all it gives us is a stunning 3-2 performance.
Comment by yoyofutbawl — September 27, 2025 @ 4:08 pm
28
@ 26
I miss the Zooker.
Comment by UFmegood — September 27, 2025 @ 4:09 pm
29
Also, I dont think its good for Tebow to hang out with Kenny Chesney.
Comment by Mr. Pelican Pants — September 27, 2025 @ 4:10 pm
30
welcome to bat country. pass the ether.
Comment by kleph — September 27, 2025 @ 4:11 pm
31
I’d also like to point out that our offensive line got hurdled on the blocked PAT. HURDLED. STRAIGHT UP FUCKING CLOWNED ON.
also, we need another Dallas Baker/CI physical beast. Tebow led Harvin and Murphy by a margin of inches, and they couldn’t reach the ball.
I thought Carl Moore was gonna fill that gap, but he’s softer than 3-ply charmin.
Bunch of big headed athletes at Florida. We need a coach who is gonna push their shit in at the first sight of overconfidence.
Comment by UFmegood — September 27, 2025 @ 4:15 pm
32
Well…he’s not the only one who’s happy!
Comment by Paragon SC — September 27, 2025 @ 4:17 pm
33
Well said, klephypants. Good fucking night.
Comment by Holly — September 27, 2025 @ 4:17 pm
34
What the hell was going on on the sidelines? How the hell do you not make a single adjustment at the half? How the FUCK do you allow a PAT to be blocked? I mean I would use the “looking ahead to next week” excuse, but were they looking ahead to fucking Arkansas? How did Urban allow the guys to get so big headed off a win against a bullshit (sorry, Holly) Tennessee team? Diddy Mao indeed. Pass the ‘dro fellas, its gonna be a long fall…
Comment by BurritoBrosShits — September 27, 2025 @ 4:21 pm
35
That’s “Shay” Hodge. What a day indeed.
HOTTY FUCKING TODDY. (After the Orgeron era…God owes us this one.)
Comment by Erik — September 27, 2025 @ 4:24 pm
36
At #3: Unless one of the victors was welcoming their best D player back into the lineup and coming off two losses in the final seconds to ranked opponents, and the other was Oregon State.
Comment by chg — September 27, 2025 @ 4:25 pm
37
this day is one upset shy of being perfect, though.
Comment by kleph — September 27, 2025 @ 4:26 pm
38
But watch Florida get ranked higher than USC this weekend because of WOOOOOOOOO ESSSSS EEEEE SEEEEEEE.
Who has Florida beat? A tennessee team that lost to UCLA?
Anyway……. (grumble grumble grumble)
Comment by The Humanitarian — September 27, 2025 @ 4:27 pm
39
@38
Not that I have a vote, but i’d put USC above UF. USC had a flat first half and came on strong but it was the too little too late thing.
Florida was consistently fail throughout the game
Comment by UFmegood — September 27, 2025 @ 4:30 pm
40
Fun with Transitive Football!
Florida lost to Ole Miss.
Ole Miss lost to Wake Forest
Wake Forest is losing 17-0 to Navy at halftime.
Therefore:
Navy > Florida
Comment by John — September 27, 2025 @ 4:32 pm
41
I would like to know what Thundercock Hookerface’s opinion is on today’s happenings.
Comment by meatybob — September 27, 2025 @ 4:38 pm
42
UF’s secondary finally gets a real test (sorry, the Miami kid and Jon “straight outta” Crompton don’t count) and it wasn’t a total fail.
Nice to see the O revert back to Chris Leak-days form though.
Comment by Will (the other one) — September 27, 2025 @ 4:47 pm
43
@3. Just like I told the Count earlier (ahem)
“Lemme see. USC gets pantsed by a squad that got obliterated at PSU and lost to the friggin’ Trees, so, yes, it IS weak.
Ignoring that shit, I present the following: PAC 10 = 0?fer the Mountain”
Esssss Eeeeee Seeeee = No cognitive dissonance
Comment by Der Schatten — September 27, 2025 @ 4:49 pm
44
Der Schatten,
Four legs good, two legs bad!
War is Peace! Freedom is Slavery! Ignorance is Strength!
Comment by John — September 27, 2025 @ 4:53 pm
45
#3,
So let me get this straight…you read an blog post in which neither “USC,” “Pac 10,” nor “SEC” appear, yet you make up some straw man argument and then criticize it?
Comment by PW — September 27, 2025 @ 4:57 pm
46
Mullen ought to wear a fucking ski mask when he picks up his paycheck next week. Goddamn thief.
Comment by white-boned demon — September 27, 2025 @ 5:01 pm
47
So, if Bama beats UGA tonight, the leader in the SEC East, the first week of October 2008 iiiiiiiiisssssssssss….. That’s right, Vandy!
Comment by skinnyphatman — September 27, 2025 @ 5:18 pm
48
My blood just ran frosty.
Comment by Holly — September 27, 2025 @ 5:31 pm
49
At least your loss didn’t knock you out of the BCS Championship game. If you win out, you control you destiny. Not so with my team, though our loss was easier to come to grips with until Thursday night.
Comment by Crabapple Buck — September 27, 2025 @ 5:33 pm
50
@47
/Shotguns beer, Hits bong, Does line of coke off hooker’ass.
Awesome
Comment by BurritoBrosShits — September 27, 2025 @ 5:34 pm
51
I am no longer listening to “Personal Jesus” when the Gators need a big play from Tebow. I jinxed it. My bad.
Comment by chaimy4life — September 27, 2025 @ 5:35 pm
52
@47 - that’s a fucking frightening prospect and you know it.
I’m pulling for UGA tonight. Some semblance of order must be maintained.
Comment by Signal to Noise — September 27, 2025 @ 5:54 pm
53
Well, we’ve had our first batshit crazy, 2007-style weekend. TCU now has to beat Oklahoma to keep the momentum going.
Comment by John — September 27, 2025 @ 6:11 pm
54
LIBERTAD LIBERTAD LIBERTAD!!!!!
…oh wait woops, I meant: ANARCHY ANARCHY ANARCHY!!!!
Comment by BurritoBrosShits — September 27, 2025 @ 6:13 pm
55
@ skinnyphatman #47
Should the now-apparently-inevitable happen, I believe a temporary website name change to Every Day Should Be Vanderday would be in order.
Comment by Boy Howdy — September 27, 2025 @ 6:21 pm
56
That’s a lot of excuses, Orson. Your team sleepwalked into the game and you just got beat.
Comment by austiger — September 27, 2025 @ 6:38 pm
57
That’s a lot of excuses, Orson. Your team sleepwalked into the game and you just got beat.
Ur reedin’ comprehenshun izz AWZUM.
Comment by Orson Swindle — September 27, 2025 @ 6:40 pm
58
Replace the “fumbles ‘n’ fumbles” bit with “interceptions ‘n’ interceptions” and one can accurately describe Ole Miss’ losses to Wake and Vandy.
Turnovers almost always lead to a terribly frustrating loss.
I know how it feels Orson. I wanna say that I feel for ya, but the party’s just getting started.
Comment by TheGhostofJayCutler — September 27, 2025 @ 6:47 pm
59
I love Vanderday! (Which is to say, a day on which Vandy does not have to play — thereby having the opportunity to fall apart in 27 different ways — and due to that fact alone stays at least in second in the SEC East.) Go ‘Bama!
Comment by HOSS — September 27, 2025 @ 7:28 pm
60
re: 15
We didn’t get Croom’d, we got Nutt’d.
re: #47. Strangely that makes me feel a lil better. Or it could be the beer. Switching from Gator Pale Ale to Vandy Stout. the GPA was flat anyways.
Comment by dogtown gator — September 27, 2025 @ 7:38 pm
61
Well, we were due a game like that one. You were just the unfortunate victim. Did I mention that we turned the ball over 6 times last week against Vandy? We gave one away last week at home, and we got the turnover curse in reverse on the road this weekend. So now we’re even. You’ll have to wait until later this year to get your turnover curse game back.
Comment by rebel84 — September 27, 2025 @ 8:21 pm
62
Why not the jump pass on 4th and 1? Is it really goal-line exclusive?
Comment by chaimy4life — September 27, 2025 @ 8:27 pm
63
i miss chris leak… in fact we need to hire him to replace mr dan ‘predictable’ mullen. oh how i miss the days of the first 15 plays of a game… (then it was painfully obvious when the 3rd quarter dan mullen took over)
http://firedanmullen.com
Comment by danisnottheman — September 27, 2025 @ 9:03 pm
64
Boo fucking hoo….Fuck you, the University of Florida.
Suck on that shit…
And fuck you, Tim Tebow…
thx
Go Rebels
Wes Gray
Atlanta, GA
The University of Mississippi
Class of 2006
Comment by teabag — September 27, 2025 @ 9:14 pm
65
Whoa!, dude.
way to show up.
Sincerely,
southern cal
Comment by rydercup — September 27, 2025 @ 10:11 pm
66
Of course, give OM no credit whatsoever.
Look, “Orson”, you run a cute little blog, but college ended a while ago. You looked patently ridiculous in those photos last week.
I am so, so glad you lost.
I await your vapid, childish reply(You were an English major, after all). Feel free to deliver it privately.
Comment by michael mahoney — September 27, 2025 @ 10:19 pm
67
come on, Ole Miss did more than it’s share to give you this game. Are we forgetting the 1st and 10 from the 15 of FL only to be like 4 and 30 from the 45 before the half. We looked about as bad as a team could ever even imagine yet the boys fought back. Don’t expect to get any credit but I will not believe for one second this game was gift wrapped.
Comment by ghost of NC Past — September 27, 2025 @ 10:20 pm
68
Well, I have a sneaking suspicion that Mr. Tebow is not going to repeat as Heisman winner….
Comment by sjs1959 — September 27, 2025 @ 11:22 pm
69
My sincere apologies to you, Orson and Holly. As a PSU fan I am truly taking your advice, though. I will most likely be watching the rest of the season (those games not hijacked by the awesome BTN) under my covers in fear of bats and in dire need of golf shoes….
Comment by TheMightyErik — September 28, 2025 @ 12:49 am
70
@55
Every Art Should Be Vandelay?
Is that what you said?
Comment by spack — September 28, 2025 @ 2:33 am
71
Like the stopped pocket watch of newly-dead Joseph Smith, mark your calendar because September 27th 2008 is the most sanguine we’ll ever see O about a loss. Especially one to Giggity.
Comment by Der Schatten — September 28, 2025 @ 7:02 am
72
Could be worse, Florida fans. You could be Wake Forest fans trying to rationalize losing to an institution that not only has academic standards, but turns down prospects who are too big.
Comment by Spartisan — September 28, 2025 @ 7:32 am
73
#3
Welcome to the Big 12 and Big 11 hell.
OU probably won’t be No. 1 because they haven’t “played anyone”, even though TCU’s defense was rated #1 or #2 overall. OU had some problems with the zone read and the running game, but that in no way took away from the overall good play of the defense. OU is a very good team, but let’s wait until Monday to see if anyone gives them credit.
I cannot believe I am going to post that last paragraph.
Comment by blon — September 28, 2025 @ 9:32 am
74
Dont worry I am sure the BCS will figure everything out!
Comment by chi town spieth — September 28, 2025 @ 11:14 am
75
1. OU
2. Bama
3. Penn State
4. never-ending string of teams that will eventually FAIL.
Comment by sjs1959 — September 28, 2025 @ 11:18 am
76
Eventually the “Urban Meyer is a genius” tag will have to be re-thought. Certainly he has done great things at Florida, but after watching the Auburn/Michigan/Ole Miss debacle, It is more of a team preparation issue than a play calling issue. Dan Mullen did not give up that many points to Ole Miss. Dan Mullen did not get his extra point blocked. Dan Mullen did not get his secondary shredded by a mediocre at best Michigan team last year. And surely Meyer could override and and all of Dan Mullen’s play calls if need be.
Just an honest observer, but the blame should fall squarely on Urban Meyer.
Comment by Tony the Tiger — September 28, 2025 @ 1:05 pm
77
@75
Oh, great. Just what JoePa needs…a FIFTH season unbeaten and uncrowned. I’d rather see PSU lose the rest of their games than have that happen again…
Comment by immikefazz — September 28, 2025 @ 1:09 pm
78
I mean, Florida’s offense still put up 30(1) and it should’ve headed to overtime….Doesn’t Charlie Strong deserve just as much blame as Mullen/Meyer?
-not a florida fan
Comment by David — September 28, 2025 @ 4:46 pm
79
Blame the playcalling all you want. I personally have never believed that having every play end up in either Percy Harvin’s hands or Tim Tebow’s hands was a legitamite strategum for victory, but stop before you get to the Tebow Left on the crucial 4th and 1. There is not other play better suited for the situation. What else would you call there? Yes, everyone knows it’s coming. That’s because everyone has seen it work hundreds of times, including earlier in that game. You want to say they should have tried for the field goal? I have no basis nor evidence for counterargument. But if your preference is to try to pick up the 5 feet between you and inevitable victory, don’t pretend there is any choice other than to let Tebow Tebow his way to victory and superman a first down. Given the line sucks, but do you think that encourages playaction, where the Tebow would have spent the first couple of seconds of onrushing confederate pretending that Kestahn Moore as a legitamite option, or dropping back and attempting to pass for the first down despite Louis Murphy’s lack of coordination during the duration of the contest, or maybe an option with Percy, because getting him the ball at the end of every play was clearly doing gangbusters so far (though, admittedly, this might be your most viable and best option)? Perhaps you do, but I can tell you that personally, if I absolutely must gain one yard or face death and damnation, there is no player I would rather call on, nor any play I would rather call on, than Tebow smashing his way to destiny through our receding O-line. If you can wait for the stinging to reside and your reason to return and still feel that this is not your best option, then I find your lack of faith extremely disturbing and encourage you to review any and all gametape you have of his illustrious and legendary college career while simultaneously evaluating your dedication and love of the team. In the end I believe you will derive the following two conclusions: 1 - Percy Harvin leading the team in receptions and carries is not a recipe for victory, and 2 - even Superman needs someone to catch the ball.
Comment by FisherSchoolWhat?!?! — September 28, 2025 @ 11:54 pm
80
@72
Hey, Spartisan, the MIddies are smart, tough, disciplined, and well-coached. Some of them are even fast and athletic. Navy and Air Force have been to more bowl games in the last 5 years than your team and mine combined.
Losing to Navy or Air Force isn’t shameful. Losing to Army… well, okay, suicide should be contemplated. But “service academy = tha suck” hasn’t been true for decades, at least in football. I’d rather play Troy, WMU, or some other early-season-cannon-fodder-for-BCS-shool than Navy or Air Foce any day.
Comment by Thundersnatch — September 29, 2025 @ 8:29 am
81
Wow, I really was working out in Bat Country this weekend (Barstow-Baker-Kelso) and came home to find my misery from Thursday night has been spread around. Looks to be another crazy year.
And #23 Stanford wont’ be a Pac 10 bottom feeder this year. They will probably end up closer to the top than the bottom (WSU, UCLA, UW).
Comment by oc phil — September 29, 2025 @ 10:25 am
82
By request, the following is a transcript from the Florida locker room after their recent home loss to the team that lost at home to Wake Forest.
Meyer: Fellers, I’m not quite sure what to say. I guess I’d like to start out by saying I’m proud of each and every one of you, and I’d like to tell you that I’m really pleased with the effort I saw, the desire to win, and your total refusal to roll over and lose the game. I’d like to tell you that… but it’s all bull—-. The polish is off the turd. You —-ers are make me sick.
Spikes: Say what???
Meyer: Sorry, got caught up in a moment of brutal honesty, and, you know, honesty’s really not my thing. I’m generally at my best when I’m lying my sorry ass off to players. But this isn’t recruiting, so…
Tebow: Coach, I just want to apologize for not winning the game.
Meyer: Gee, Timmy, that’s really swell, but, uhhh, take a quick look around the room and tell me what you see.
Tebow: Well, uhhh, I guess lockers… some dirty towels… uhhh… oh, and showers. I like showers!
Meyer: Notice anything else?
Tebow: Hmmm… several guys wearing Tim Tebow outfits?
Meyer: Those are uniforms.
Tebow: Right, Tim Tebow “uniforms.”
Meyer: Timmy, those are your teammates.
Tebow: Teammates?
Meyer: Yes, other players on the team.
Tebow: Team?
Meyer: Yes, Timmy. A functional unit of people working together for a common goal.
Tebow: You mean, like, getting Tim Tebow into the end zone?
Meyer: Like getting Florida into the win column, which, by the way, is something we’ve never done when trailing in the second half since you’ve been at Florida.
Tebow: I’m (sniff) sorry, Coach. You’re right (sniff sniff) and you’re such an awesome guy. No one will work harder to make us win, especially since we’re better than everyone else and deserve to win (sob). I’ll work harder to score and to run and to awkwardly heave the ball downfield. I’ll will us to…
Meyer: Save it for your worshippers, Timmy.
Tebow: I’m sorry.
Meyer: Whatever. Can anybody tell me what it takes to make a champion?
Tartt: Biscuits and mustard?
Meyer: What?
Tartt: Maybe some o’ them French-fried ’taters?
Meyer: Jim, go outside and dig a hole.
Tartt leaves the lockerroom.
Meyer: Somebody do me a favor and lock the door behind him.
Tebow: I’m sorry I didn’t lock the door. I promise to work hard to dig a better hole.
Meyer: Don’t be ridiculous Timmy. How could you dig a bigger hole than a fumble on our own 18, giving us back-to-back turnovers on consecutive plays?
Tebow: I hadn’t really thought about it that way.
Meyer: We didn’t recruit you to think.
Cooper: Can I wash my hair now?
Meyer: Shut the —- up.
Pierre-Louis: At least it’s early in the season.
Meyer: What???
Pierre-Louis: It’s early in the season.
Meyer: (blink)
Pierre-Louis: I’m just sayin’… You know, it’s early in the season.
Meyer: (blink… blink blink)
Pierre-Louis: …so, you know, we still have time to…
Meyer: How are you even on this team?
Tebow: Team?
Meyer: Look, we just lost at home to Ole Miss. Ole Miss. And it’s not like there was a Manning at quarterback. It was that kid we told we were recruiting Tebow as a linebacker.
Doe: (chuckling) That was a good one!
Meyer: Shut the —- up.
Doe: Sorry.
Tebow: Hey, that’s my line.
Meyer: Hey. Shut… the —-… up.
Tebow and Doe: Sorry.
Meyer: Has it occurred to any of you how embarrassing this is for me?
Harvin: For you? How do you think we feel?
Meyer: I dunno. How did you feel when you put the tater on the carpet on our 34 on the second play of the second half?
Harvin: Hey, I had 186 yards of offense.
Meyer: Goody gumdrops.
Harvin: Did it occur to you to maybe give me the ball when we needed one lousy yard?
Meyer: Do I need to remind you that I’m your coach?
Harvin: Do I need to remind you what I did to an official in high school?
Meyer: Simmer down, Percy.
Harvin: Don’t make me break this bad foot off in your ass.
Meyer: Save your foot; we might need it for extra points.
Tebow: I promise (sob) to work harder on extra points.
Meyer: Timmy, you don’t kick.
Tebow: Why not?
Meyer: We leave that to the kicker.
Tebow: Kicker?
Meyer: He’s one of your teammates.
Tebow: Teammates?
Meyer: Ye gods.
Pouncey: What now?
Meyer: Now we go to Arkansas.
Other Pouncey: To play Houston Nutt?
Meyer: No, that was Houston Nutt that beat us today.
Pouncey: So who’s beating us next week?
Meyer: We’re not losing next week!
Other Pouncey: How do you know?
Tebow: I’m going to will this team to victory.
Meyer: Timmy…
Tebow: Yes?
Meyer: SHUT THE —- UP!
Tebow: Sorry.
Haden: You already said that.
Meyer: Holy —-. Do you realize that a mere 4 hours ago I was hailed as a genius? Now I have the same record as that school out west.
Rainey: FS…
Meyer: HEY! Don’t say it! You know I refuse to say or hear their name.
Rainey: Yeah, but we lost to an SEC team. They lost to Wake Forest.
Meyer: The SEC team that beat us lost to Wake Forest.
Rainey: Oh.
Meyer: Yeah.
Rainey: Dang, sometimes it’s not nice to be me.
Meyer: I know the feeling.
Comment by Freehawk — September 29, 2025 @ 12:27 pm
83
Freehawk, that may be the funniest thing I’ve read on here since the John Krasinski, Megan Fox, Stu Scott, and the Silver Surfer bit…
(blink) beautiful.
Comment by Kenny Stabler — October 1, 2025 @ 11:07 am