FULMER CUPDATE: THE DEAD FINANCE YOUR SUBWAY RUNS EDITION
When a teammate dies tragically in an accident, you mourn. You listen. You hold those around you close and share the unbearable pain of loss. You take one of the dead people’s credit card and use it to buy shit for six months. You get arrested for it when the parents notice their dead daughter has been buying stuff for six months despite being dead.
Jamar Hornsby: creative financing available.
Jamar Hornsby of Florida followed this unique plan for mourning the loss of a teammate and a Florida student closely enough: somehow, after the death of Florida walk-on Michael Guilford and Florida student Ashley Slonina in a motorcycle wreck in October 2007, Slonina’s credit card ended up in the hands of Hornsby, who then revered the memory of the young lady by purchasing goods on the credit card for six months. Slonina’s parents finally noticed recently, and an investigation led to the beyond-classy Hornsby.
OS: Extra icing, please thank you very much life?
Life: Three scoops coming up, sir.
The card abuse started Oct. 13, 2007, the day after the girl’s death, according to court records and involved a BP gas card.
Ah, thanks life. You never force us to make things up, instead just giving us real and improbably terrible things. Hornsby is charged with credit card theft and fraudulent use of a credit card, which we imagine are both felonies. That’s three points times two for each felony charge plus the bonus point for using a dead girl’s credit card the day after she died and with one bonus point for it being a Florida Gator and therefore homer-shameful to us personally, and we take that to eight points for Florida, putting them on the big board in a fashion so tacky no amount of exponents can cover it.
Oh, and you there, we’ll say it for you “WAAAAAAHHHH you’re giving Florida points because you want to win.” Mr. Astoundinglystupidworth, if using a dead girl’s credit card the day after she died only gets two bonus points we should consider ourselves lucky for only getting eight points. Redux: you don’t want to win this thing. It’s not good. Perhaps that’s a point worth repeating from time to time: it’s not good to win the Fulmer Cup. It’s not good to win the Fulmer Cup. By the way, it’s not good to win the Fulmer Cup. For further reference, see: “Fulmer Cup: not good,” or the Wikipedia entry “Fulmer Cup: Bad.”
Extra fun update! How did Hornsby get the card? Simple. He took it when he was helping clean out the apartment with Joe Haden the day after the card owner died. Ashley Slonina. Joe Haden’s girlfriend. The dead one. Oh, Jebus this is sad.
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80
Orson is a Gator, along with many that post on here. Most of the rest of us are SEC fans. Yes what the BC player did was awful, but it’s different when shit happens in Your own back yard. That is why some post may seem over the top.
Comment by shane — May 9, 2025 @ 9:05 pm
79
OK, it’s Pile on the Gators Time.
But really, Nancy? “Horrifying”? “Sociopathic”? Some of you might want to get out of your cubes once in a while. If this makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, then you should probably avoid Third World countries, children’s cancer wards, and Detroit.
Hornsby is a sad, stupid human being, and one of the worst teammates ever, apparently. The worst part is probably the nasty jolt the girl’s family must be feeling, their public grief re-animated suddenly. He’s off the team and good riddance. I hear Raiford’s nice in the summer.
But, yeah, some of you are a good bit over the top.
Comment by Mr. Wrong — May 9, 2025 @ 9:03 pm
78
He’s gone from the team: http://cbs.sportsline.com/collegefootball/story/10819728/rss
Comment by Year2-Dave — May 9, 2025 @ 7:03 pm
77
I won’t sit here and say why rape and assault and other fulmer cup entries are not so bad, but the creepiness factor here really beats anything else. I agree @ 71 that maybe its because rape is seemingly so common among athletes, which is sad, but a gut, visceral reaction to all of the little details of this story (how he got the card being a real kicker) make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
Comment by dawgfish — May 9, 2025 @ 6:24 pm
76
No, objectively it’s not a terrifically serious crime. The fact that he stole the card from under his teammate’s nose while pretending to be helpful… that’s the part that is a little bit horrifying.
I can see assault, or even rape or murder, as a crime of passion. Horrible, and you deserve to get locked up for it, but I can imagine how the human mind can warp itself into committing such an act.
The way this kid pulled this off, though, is just sociopathic.
Comment by Erik — May 9, 2025 @ 6:24 pm
75
If a guy makes a mistake, does that make him a bad person? No. Any disciplinary action is going to be a result of what I find out on the legal side of it. We’ve just got to fix a problem. It could be worse. I could give you the names of some schools that are really struggling. The Gators aren’t. We only recruit the top 1% of the top 1% at Florida. Did I mention that Tim Tebow does missions?
Comment by Urban Meyer — May 9, 2025 @ 6:14 pm
74
OK, some people make a stupid, evil decision one time. For this they deserve to be put away for life if the facts so warrant. However, at the same time it is usually one action often without real planning, which in at least some cases they show remorse over.
However, when someone intentionally does something illegal 50, 60, 70 times, it adds another dimension to the whole thing. While the crime itself may be much less offensive than some others for which football players have been charged, the fact that it was done repeatedly can raise it to almost that level.
Comment by Steve — May 9, 2025 @ 6:07 pm
73
71,
I agree.
Comment by socalbryan — May 9, 2025 @ 4:31 pm
72
While this is extremely creepy and strange, my gut instinct tells me it’s somehow not near the same level as a rape or shooting, which does harm to humans. I’m sure the parents are mortified, but they wont be covering the bill. Hornsby = Creep x 10, but it still is just money. Just saying
Comment by Clever Moniker — May 9, 2025 @ 4:30 pm
71
#69 - the moral outrage over this is completely over the top.
Take a look at the Fulmer Cup entry on this site when a BC football player broke into an apartment and forcibly raped someone. Do you see anything close to what’s on this post? I don’t.
Which crime would you say is worse? While using a dead person’s credit card is reprehensible, it’s not even in the same ballpark as rape. Maybe it’s because no one cares enough about BC, or rape isn’t as unique of a crime, I don’t know. But from the posts here, you would think Hornsby committed a more heinous crime.
Comment by Brian O'Blivion — May 9, 2025 @ 4:29 pm