God is on everyone’s side … and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies.

(HT: Thor.)

HUZZAH! ONE HUNDRED COCKTAILS TO ODIN! IT’S STEELETIDE!

Steeletide, little doomed one-legged Tim, is the second happiest day of the year: the day when you, the college football consumer gets in their hot little hands the most extensive and punishingly data-riffic college football guide on the planet: Phil Steele’s College Football Preview.

Dictated-no, really, it is dictated-by Phil, it is the compendium of every division one football team broken down into units, rosters, tendencies, exhaustive stats on win streaks, record on grass versus turf, and everything everyone else will mostly be regurgitating up over the next nine to ten months anyways. It’s also great for your marriage.

Wife: Honey, what do you think? Should we plant bell peppers or tomatoes?

You: Mark Richt is 25-4 in opposing stadiums.

Wife: I don’t think you heard me, did you?

You: Utah has the second longest bowl winning streak. It stands at 7 games now.

Wife: YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY, DO YOU?

You: EVEN IN A FRUSTRATING YEAR USC OUTGAINED CONFERENCE FOES BY 157 YPG?

Wife: STOP SPEAKING IN ACRONYMS!!!

It should pop up on newsstands shortly, but a sneaky peeky inside this year’s mag in no particular order:

1. Nothing’s changed. Yay. Same infinitesimally small 6 point type. Same arcane system of acronyms. (Hey, there’s a glossary. Nut up, lazy readerperson.) (more…)

Um…sorry. You had to see this. See, we’re working on another post right now, and that means we should technically be working on that post, but then someone sends you footage of Japanese people singing “We Are The World” in blackface, and then you have to post just to get the haunting image out of your head.

When you drop a nuclear bomb on a country, this sort of thing just happens. That and the film Legend of the Overfiend combined make the most powerful of arguments against nuclear war we could ever possibly construct. Harry Truman, had you known, you would have at least hesitated.

We’re sorry. If we were Japanese, we’d commit ritual suicide to atone for showing you that, but being American we have no shame, and will instead get another cup of coffee.

Dave, EDSBS’s tireless tipster, spots this astounding grammatical feat in a Les Miles quote from this past weekend. There will be an additional springboard installed for Miles’ quote!

“I don’t think there wasn’t a guy who didn’t share in what was an SEC championship,” Miles said.

HE DID IT! THE TRIPLE NEGATIVE! I CAN’T BELIEVE HE LANDED IT! Is there nothing you can’t do, Les Miles, you sweet tollbooth full of wholesome American rock, you?

The official Florida football student t-shirt isn’t here, and it’s because you haven’t made it yet, you inconsiderate twat. Florida’s soliciting student designs for their football t-shirt, and though our days as a Florida student are far, far past us, we can play dirty tricks and humbly submit the following designs for free.

In case you wonder how things work here at EDSBS, it usually flows like this at Swindle Manor: someone has an idea or steals one, things get way, way too far out of hand, and then someone posts it. (Kind of like the Iraq war, actually, but without all the dead babies and traumatic brain injuries. Okay, well, just minus the dead babies, but the TBI came long, long before we got this far into this mess.)

In this case, we merely sent LSUFreek the words “Dr. Tebow” and the original article. The rest just sort of mutated in his hands. We can’t stop him-we can only hope to point him in the right direction and let him do the rest, dear reader.

Without further ado: the EDSBS submissions for the Florida t-shirt.

1. Dr. Tebow.

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