SHOCKING INDEED
14-10, Florida over Georgia.
October 30, 2025
October 29, 2025
BROADCAST NOTES: POST HERE
Please post any delightfully offensive signage in the background, braindead commentator analysis, or amusing coache- caught-scratching-their-nuts shots here. We’ll begin with a fine example spied by our correspondent B.J. Strykker in the background of the Gameday set: a sign reading, “LEE CORSO IS A PENIS.”
Fire away.
COUGARS GAME PLAN: GOOD IDEA
Bill Doba’s consulted the Steve Austin playbook for his gameplan against USC:
“We agreed the best place to attack ‘em is in the tunnel before they get out on that field. At least that way, Reggie doesn’t have as much room to run around, see, and we can corral him in there,” Doba said of Reggie Bush, USC’s all-everything tailback, as Washington State prepares to play on the Trojans’ home turf.
A better idea than former WSU coach Mike Price’s “drown ‘em in strippers the night before” plan, since living in target-rich L.A. as perpetually serviced jock man-kings doesn’t seem to have drained the stamina of anyone on the Trojan offense. (Link via Sports By Brooks.)
October 28, 2025
BOI FROM TROI CLAIMS ANOTHER POTENTIAL READER
To the shock of nobody, George Takei, better known as Sulu, has come out. Now we know why he’s never be spotted in Jean shorts.
WATB: OUT OF THE DARK AND INTO THE JAGER
WATB, after a week in the dark thanks to Wilma, is back online with a vengeance. More importantly: the “burly” Gator fan is loose on the landing wearing nothing but a fine coating of body hair, carefully placed police tape, and a constantly refreshed tiara of road flares. Give him your Jager and no one gets hurt.
WATB, rehearsing his victory dance earlier this week.
JERSEYS STRAIGHT OUT OF BREAK DANCING FLICK
Florida’s new jerseys look like something straight out of Breakin’ . We’re having difficulty deciding whether that’s a good thing or not. Judge for yourself:
Electric Boogaloo look: good or bad?
MS CLEO WEIGHS IN ON UF V UGA
So distraught as I was after seeing Orson predict that the Gators would lose to their Bitch over the last 15 years, I had to do something. So I consulted with noted TV psychic Ms. Cleo of the psychic friends network to see if she could comfort me. Well, Ms. Cleo was concerned about Georgia recovering from the loss of Shockley. In fact she told me that the stars fortold that Georgia would finish the season undefeated had Shockley not suffered his unfortunate fate. The spirits of the hereafter are now telling her that Florida pulls this one out 17-13 thanks to 5 turnovers by the Bulldogs and only one by the Gators. Unfortunately, she has also predicted that the game will be almost as unwatchable as UNC’s 7-5 victory over Virginia. So it was a mixed bag for me.
“Leak will take a beating, but thanks to field position will finish victorious. But Gator Fans will still criticize Meyer’s offense.”
THE ONION SPORTS PAGE: WE’D HIT IT.
Two masterpieces from the Onion Sports Page, each following a cardinal rule of humordom. First, making fun of Notre Dame is easy and fun like Spirograph. Second, retards are funny, and in this case, pants-wettingly hilarious. We quote:
“Creston, who was competing in the Best Freestyle Motocross Trick event, evidently panicked and began flailing his arms in response to the motorcycle’s loud noise, losing control of the Honda CRF230 to which he had been strapped, and died shortly after in a collision with another special athlete,” LAPD officials announced yesterday.
25 THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE GEORGIA-FLORIDA GAME THIS WEEKEND
1. With temperatures hovering in the fifties and sixties, likelihood of camera crews catching an overheated UGA mascot cooling testicles on bag low.
2. Todd Blackledge, despised CBS analyst, will win us over for two minutes with his creepily accurate Spurrier impression. He will then blow it immediately by going back to being Todd Blackledge.
3. City of Jacksonville will provide ample parking, abundant, well-stocked liquor stores, and the faint whiff of sulfurous poo pervading the entire city…which Gator fans, for the better part of 15 years, have recognized as “the smell of victory.”
4. Verne Lundquist will be debased by CBS again by reading this promo again.
5. The Cocktail Party, a.k.a. the repuS Bowl of Sun Belt Fashion. A Gator fan will wear jean shorts. A Georgia fan in pleated khaki shorts will laugh at him. Somewhere in a well-heeled metropolis, a gay man will clutch his chest and think that he’s heard a sound of agony, “as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced…”
6. Joe Tereshinski will look better than anyone anticipates. That, however, doesn’t say much.
7. Leonard Pope will catch 18 passes for 226 yards, 4 TDs, and also kick the game-winning FG…with his mind.
8. He will also forge a golden calf from his massive fillings before the game and give it to the people of Jacksonville to worship.
9. He will also punch a hole in a cow just to see who’s coming up the road.
Georgia TE Leonard Pope. Carries 60 dollars in change in his stomach. Once inhaled a seagull.
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MARCUS VICK JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER
Michael Vick aka Ron Mexico was probably the most exciting college football player to watch in our lifetime. He had a cannon for a left arm, and would make Reggie Bush look ordinary in the open field. Needless to say, when his little brother committed to Virginia Tech the expectations were through the roof. His college career got off to a rocky start to say the least, but after Beamer and Jenkins put Vick in his place with a year long suspension, his potential is starting to come to fruition. With each passing week, Vick makes me more of a believer. Sure he doesn’t have the flash of Michael, but in many ways he is a more complete quarterback than his brother. The scary thing for defenses is that he gets better each week, which is understandable since he’s only started 8 games in his career. Last week, his feet were the difference down the stretch in Va Tech’s victory of Maryland, as he rushed for 133 yards. This week, it was a nice mix of the run and the pass. My prediction is that by next season (or perhaps the end of this season) he’ll be a better quarterback than Vince Young (assuming he keeps his word and comes back). Maybe he’ll provide enough pre-season ESPN-hype to give Va Tech a legitimate shot at playing for a mythical national championship.
Marcus Vick, a proud recipient of a rare EDSBS ballwashing.
