BRING BACK THE ‘STACHE, JAKE. FOR THE CHILDREN’S SAKE…
Screw MoveOn.org. We’ve found an internet-based political cause we believe in. Help us get Jake Plummer’s mustache back. (Courtesy of Old School Nasty.)
Come on, and take a free ride!.
October 12, 2025
BLUE-GRAY SKY: MATT LEINART, FORMER CROSS-EYED FAT DORK
We’re a week behind on our USC/ND “GAME OF THE FUCKING CENTURY” hype, so help us catch up with Blue-Gray Sky’s black-belt bitchfest of an Esquire article that manages to make Matt Leinart look completely and utterly retarded. Points lost, too, for having an article written about you that mentions you and Fred Durst in the same graf.
LARGE PENISES OFFEND SOME PURDUE PATRONS, WHILE DELIGHTING OTHERS.
Some Purdue patrons took offense at this. We have no idea why-a dildo of a play-caller on the sideline didn’t offend them all game long, why should one in the stands? Deadspin’s got the hard facts.
Purdue, like many penises, goes limp at the most inopportune times.
PLUS ONE SCENARIO: ON THE WAY?
If the BCS coordinator is talking about it-and he is-then there’s a real live possibility that the “plus-one” scenario could replace the BCS as we know it in the very near future. That’s all predicated, of course, on the BCS being totally buggered up this year. Which it will be. Again.
By the way, Fox has its mitts all over the Fiesta, Orange, and Sugar Bowls, as well as the title game for 2007, 2008, and 2009. Hopefully they’ll bring to college football what they’ve brought to the pros: superb video standard, whooshing and mechanical clanking noises for every change of frame or angle, computer graphics of fightin’ football robots, and lameass wailing guitar music straight from the soundtrack of a Bruckheimer production.
Fox football=fightin’ robot rock!
EDSBS MOMENT OF ZEN
Take a gander a a Unicef poster designed to teach about the horrors of war on the world of innocent children. Interesting strategy.
MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY CALL FOR CHARITY
It was heart warming to see all of the information on charities to help in the wake of Katrina. Well, the world has experienced another great tragedy in a place that puts a high value on the mustache, the Indian Subcontinent. At the moment the estimated death toll from the earthquake is over 40,000 and they too need help. For information about the disaster and how you can help check out the Red Cross International Relief Fund.
We love Mustaches. So does Kashmir. Give ‘em some help to keep ‘em bushy in a time of crisis.
GREAT MUSTACHE STORIES IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HISTORY
Did you know that a dispute over facial hair led to racial strife at Oregon State in 1969? The problem escalated until the teams 47 African-American players walked out. Click here to read about how this mustache dispute led to the downfall of the coaching career of Dee Andros and sent the OSU program on a downward spiral.
Doomed to failure because he spurned the mustache.
MUSTACHE OF THE DAY!
Today we feature the Gainesville Sun columnist who rightly picked Alabama to roll over the Gators. Nice pick and nice ’stache.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL MEME O’ THE WEEK: FRANARCHY
Flash back to 1999. Backstreet Boys. Ricky Martin. I know Kung Fu. Impeachment. Dark times, and fortunately we missed most of it globetrotting and acquiring an array of intestinal flora that would make Anthony Bourdain flinch.
From a distance, though we recall that in college football, no one coach played the part of fair-haired altar boy to the lecherous priests of D-1 athletic programs than Dennis Franchione, the man who turned TCU from a scaly loser of a program into a Ladanian Tomlinson-fueled dynamo capable of beating-oh, and we bet you forgot this-Southern Cal in a 28-19 Sun Bowl matchup. (We’ll wait a second for the shock to wear off…now, isn’t that better? Remember what we wrote yesterday about the brain being a happy forgetting machine? Who knows that better than Trojan fans? Besides the entire nation of Cambodia?) Franchione was hott. Hott like Paris. Hott like Carla Lewis. He was the biggest thing at TCU since Sammy Baugh. Rumors swirled about his eventual destination, but one thing was a given in any discussion: Fran was gone. Franchione, as soon as he got the first chance, was off that TCU job like Mariah Carey off Tommy Mottola’s jock.
Fast-forward six years and two disjointed career stops later. Slap a few pounds of Alabama barbecue and Texas ribs around his waistline. Coach Fran just lost his last game to Sooper Genious Gary Barnett and the middling-to-kinda-crappy-like Slush-a-fund-aloes 41-20. He’s 3-2 this year and 14-14 in his third season, with his signature win this season coming against Baylor. His freakishly gifted starting qb is rolling his eyes at him in the huddle. A website features a crosshairs centered straight on his smirky mug. (Tasteful, y’all, especially in a football-mad state where purchasing a handgun carries with it the same red tape as buying something like, say, a bear claw and a cup of a coffee.)
This all begs the question: what the fuck happened? Fanblogs is predictably on it and running, but watch as the meme of the week makes its way through the college football punditry. Our guess is that Franchione’s is a Winona Ryder; a good talent whose supporting cast has, at times early in his career, made him look totally hotter and smarter than he actually in fact was. Seeing him squander a 210 pound hummingbird like Reggie McNeal in squeakers against Baylor is his version of Mr. Deeds. In terms of facial similarity, though, Franchione’s got an automatic match in Harvey Korman as Hedley Lamarr in Blazing Saddles.
That’s Hedley, you nitwit!
