Tits and aaaaaaaass. We woke up early this morning, saw the lustrous red of a late autumn dawn, and just knew something spun a little differently this morning. And yea, we were right:

The N.C.A.A. is conducting a wide-ranging investigation into the University of Tennessee’s football recruiting practices, according to interviews with several prospects, their family members and high school administrators. A significant part of the investigation is focused on the use of recruiting hostesses who have become folk heroes on Tennessee Internet message boards for their ability to help lure top recruits.

Orchestra and balcony, please:

The NCAA investigation is wide-ranging in that it covers the recruitment of prospects in three states by the Coach O Ho Patro’, and unusual in its timing in that most NCAA investigations are not revealed until after the recruiting period. (Thus giving bloggers desperate for content something to write about. Thanks. Dicks.) Additional weirdness comes in the interviewing of individual recruits and asking them about a specific school, something THE NCAA IS DOIN CAUSE THEY GOT A GRUDGE AGAINST TENNESSEE AND WANT TO KEEP YOU DOWN.*

This will undoubtedly end with secret digital video footage of Monte Kiffin showing the girls how to sexy walk while Ed Orgeron powders on a light foundation on the girls’ t-zones BECAUSE A-TRANSLUCENT POWDAH GIFFAH YOU A SUBTUL BUTTA POWERFUL-AH RADIANCE.

He has an Irish last name, so it all makes sense. Coach Holth thinkth Kelly’s got the job in hand at Notre Dame, meaning we could get the headless Cincy scenario for the Sugar Bowl discussed in our appearance on the On The DL podcast. (Among other fascinating topics discussed in long, rambling answers.) Kelly will probably be the primary leak for the story before anyone else, or at least could be after admitting on his Twitter feed he was talking with ND about the gig. If you see a Twitpic of a pile of cash and a priestly hand giving the thumbs-up sign on his account, then this thing is a fait accompli. (Fiutak’s piece on this is odd for one reason: Kelly clearly wants to be in South Bend, and Meyer does not. Seems like an important prereq.)

Fine. I’ll just be here waiting with a pot of scalding grits. Minnesota’s AD says he doesn’t know when Tim Brewster is coming home, or where he is, or who he’s with, and frankly he’s done caring because he knows how this goes. Let him die in a ditch for all he cares. (Things indeed do sound awesomely together at the Minnesota athletic department.)

To be fair: did you know the rule on clock stoppage? We didn’t, but neither did Colt McCoy, and he’s the starting quarterback for one of the teams in the national title game.

Because you like bulky, unportable video. The SEC’s video policy sucks, but you already knew that. The league could have bloggers and users essentially putting the brand in people’s eyes and ears for free with embeddable video, or they could have their AOL-level video site no one uses sit there and collect dust while XOS blows the league’s cash hiring people to scrub Youtube of any and all video involving the conference.

*Because this is what you will think anyway.