That doesn’t clear anything up. Thanks. If you have been in a box wine coma for the past three days, we’ll break the news to you: Texas gets the booty end of the stick for the BCS this year, missing the Big 12 conference game because of Oklahoma’s higher BCS ranking, which broke the three-way tie in the Big 12 South after Texas, OU, and Texas Tech finished with losses to each other and identical records against the Big 12 North.

Brown’s reaction:

“Since this situation has never happened before in the Big 12, I think the conference should follow the lead of all of the other B.C.S. leagues with championship games (A.C.C./Conference USA/Mid-American/SEC) in how they settle three-way ties. I think their systems are fairer and give more credit to how the two highest-ranked teams performed against each other on the field.”

How much fairer are they? The SEC’s system takes an eight step process to break menage a trois, and if we plug the B12 South into the SEC system for fun, we hit the same result with one important wrinkle:

The tied team with the highest ranking in the Bowl Championship Series Standings following the last weekend of regular-season games shall be the divisional representative in the SEC Championship Game, unless the second of the tied teams is ranked within five-or-fewer places of the highest ranked tied team. In this case, the head-to-head results of the top two ranked tied teams shall determine the representative in the SEC Championship Game.

(Emphasis ours.) Meaning head-to-head comes back in when the teams are ranked in roughly equivalent standing by the national community, meaning Texas would have gone under SEC rules. Attention, Longhorns: we will happily switch out Vandy for you in God’s Conference, and even give you a five year blind eye toward any major violations.

Tennessee football, sponsored by Sanrio. The adorable Lane Kiffin will be announced as Tennessee’s new head coach today. His staff may include his father, Monte Kiffin of the Tampa Bay Bucs, David Reaves of South Carolina, and-PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-Ed Orgeron, late of being THE ORGERON of Ole Miss and now with the New Orleans Saints.

Other assistants will include Keroppi on special teams and controversial strength and conditioning coach Bad Batz Maru.

Dabo Dabo Dabo. Clemson hires Dabo Swinney as the replacement for Tommy Bowden. Yeah, she was a friend of our ex, but we always, you know, liked her, and unlike THAT BITCH this one seems really, really happy to be with me. We’re splitting up the friends as we speak.

We Are! Piss Drunk! The Nittany Lion mascot was arrested for DUI. Please say he was wearing the head please say he was wearing the head….

Harvin: on the lift, receiving attention from top mechanics. Percy Harvin’s ankle is day-to-day, according to Urban Meyer. Also dodgy: lineman Brandon Antwine, one of many nicked up in the sloggy conditions in Tallahassee.

Chris Rainey was caught from behind on a long run by FSU defenders. Why?

“I must have had heavy shoes on from the rain.”

Take away his stable of white girls until he finishes the drill, Urb! Or perhaps just reduce to a paltry three or four for the week.