HERE’S THE DEAL, SIR.
Redshirt junior punter Zoltan Mesko said Rodriguez made a comparison that put the Wolverines’ struggles in perspective.
“It’s not life or death,” Mesko said. “It’s not like you have a kid that’s terminally ill. I’d rather to have this than be 6-0 and have the kid that’s terminally ill. That’s got to be a tough situation, but you’ve got to look at it. It could be worse.”
GOD: COACH RICH RODRIGUEZ. HEAR MY VOICE AND TREMBLE.
Rich Rodriguez: God! What’s up?
GOD: I HAVE A PROPOSAL TO TEST YOU. IT’S THIS THING I DO EVERY NOW AND THEN.
Rich Rodriguez: I’m not going to Clemson.
GOD: DUH. GOD, DUDE. GOD TALKING HERE.
RR: Yes. I’m sorry. Go on.
GOD: THIS IS SEAN. HE IS A CHILD, AND HE IS SICK.
Sean: Hi. (cough.)
GOD: YOU FACE A CHOICE. YOU MAY EITHER HEAL THIS CHILD, OR YOU MAY AWARDED AN UNDEFEATED RECORD ON THE SEASON, INCLUDING A VICTORY AGAINST TOLEDO. AGAIN: THIS…
Sean: Wheee! I’m healthy on my sweet bike WHEEEEEEEEE!!!
GOD: …OR YOU ARE UNDEFEATED AND LITTLE SEAN HERE COMES TO SEE ME FOR A PERMANENT VISIT EARLIER THAN HE OR HIS FAMILY MIGHT HAVE PLANNED.
RR: No disrespect God, but…isn’t that a little unfair?
GOD: IT IS, BUT THIS IS TUESDAY, AND CUDDLY NEW TESTAMENT GOD WORKS MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY. TOO BAD FOR YOU THIS IS TUESDAY. YOU GET CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD.
RR: Gimme a minute.
Sean: Coach! Please! (cough)
GOD: MY SMITING STICK IS GETTING ITCHY.
RR: Ummm…
Sean: (cough)
TOLEDO: WE WON A FOOTBALL MATCH TOUCHDOWN POINT GAME!!!!
RR: Well, really, um…aren’t we all terminal cases in the end?
GOD: SOMEONE’S BEEN READING JOHN IRVING.
Sean: You (cough) asshole! World According to Garp sucks as much as your offense! GO (cough) BUCKEYES (cough)!
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
1
That’s right, Doug Flutie! Better to be the laughing stock of Div 1A football than to be you!
Comment by Limedust — October 14, 2025 @ 10:21 am
2
And the hell of it is that I’ve got Toledo guys telling me that if ‘Stutz doesn’t turn it around in MAC play, he’s still a goner at the end of the season, even with the win at Ann Arbor.
(Meanwhile, UT’s ability to close out what Miami could not only deepens the gloom in Oxford, Ohio.)
Comment by DevilGrad — October 14, 2025 @ 10:26 am
3
Clap…. clap…. clap….. clapclapclapclap….. thunderous ovation…..
Comment by Michigan Gator — October 14, 2025 @ 10:26 am
4
Not for nothing, that is a pretty sweet bike.
Comment by Bunkie Perkins — October 14, 2025 @ 10:29 am
5
Limedust:
You, sir, are an asshole. Punch your ticket, dick-wad.
Comment by Noel Devine's Gold Teef — October 14, 2025 @ 10:29 am
6
Excellent work.
Comment by Sacked — October 14, 2025 @ 10:30 am
7
Is it wrong that I wanted the undefeated season?
Comment by Zone Left — October 14, 2025 @ 10:32 am
8
You, sir, are on a roll. I didn’t think you could top yesterdays ode to CTB, but I stand corrected. I can hardly wait til tomorrow to see what that beautiful mind of yours can conjour up. Where does your creativity and warped sense of morality come from? 100+ cocktails. I bow in the presence of greatness.
Comment by EufaulaPete — October 14, 2025 @ 10:33 am
9
I’m not sure what’s worse: Your schizophrenic understanding of God or the fact that I laughed uncontrollably. I’m so ashamed.
Comment by Whetstonebuck — October 14, 2025 @ 10:35 am
10
Please note that according to the schedule above, which God is on duty on Saturdays? Crazy Old Testament God, that’s who.
Comment by Orson Swindle — October 14, 2025 @ 10:37 am
11
I’m not a doctor or anything, but perhaps if your smiting stick is getting itchy you should get that looked at . . .
Comment by MaconDawg — October 14, 2025 @ 10:39 am
12
obligatory: “Always look on the bright side of life.”
/whistling
Comment by vegas_buckeye — October 14, 2025 @ 10:42 am
13
Several thousand years of tradition suggest that crazy, Old Testament God is in charge of Saturdays even without looking at the schedule.
Comment by DevilGrad — October 14, 2025 @ 10:46 am
14
Is Zoltan the punter, from the same village as Roger the shruber?
Comment by hlh — October 14, 2025 @ 10:49 am
15
Bravo, Orson. I’m just surprised that RR didn’t choose the wins.
#10- I always figured God took fall saturdays off to watch college football. He probably leaves Murphy in charge.
Comment by WhiteSpeedReceiver — October 14, 2025 @ 10:55 am
16
@15-Sean flatlines. RR is bowl bound!
Comment by austin dave — October 14, 2025 @ 11:12 am
17
Why can’t God just ask for some Shrubbery? Or maybe the holy hand grenade of Antioch? Why does he have to make it a choice between Timmy and Wins? I am glad for Ohio State that Dick Rod is a merciful soul!
Comment by Tricky Dick — October 14, 2025 @ 11:25 am
18
does this mean that when a michigan player thanks god for his performance in a big win, that he really is thanking god?
Comment by socalbryan — October 14, 2025 @ 11:28 am
19
Crazy Old Testament God is a lot more entertaining than Hippie New Testament God. I think this explains why college football is so much better than the NFL.
Comment by Biggus Rickus — October 14, 2025 @ 11:36 am
20
Aren’t we all just terminal cases. Classic.
Comment by WarCardinals — October 14, 2025 @ 12:01 pm
21
Old Testament God was in full force this Saturday night, and his name was Tim Tebow.
Comment by 4.0 Point Stance — October 14, 2025 @ 12:06 pm
22
Genius, pure genius.
Comment by Reggie Bush's Impala — October 14, 2025 @ 12:06 pm
23
Many thanks to Zoltan for making it absolutely clear that Michigan will lower the academic bar along with everyone else.
Because as bad as one terminal kid would suck, just think of two. And then, think of two terminal kids and a starving rat in a box tied to your face. And then think of…
Comment by OhioDawg — October 14, 2025 @ 12:13 pm
24
Outstanding.
Except as a Michigan fan, nothing about this year is funny. Except this is funny.
Looking forward to 2010 season.
Comment by mgoblue — October 14, 2025 @ 12:33 pm
25
“IT IS, BUT THIS IS TUESDAY, AND CUDDLY NEW TESTAMENT GOD WORKS MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY. TOO BAD FOR YOU THIS IS TUESDAY. YOU GET CRAZY OLD TESTAMENT GOD.” is now my facebook status for no particular reason
Comment by poguemahone — October 14, 2025 @ 1:04 pm
26
Orson, is it possible your best work in a while is coming out because FLA had a big win this past weekend, and you are bathing in your own ego stew?
Lord knows Holly has been in hers since Saturday
Comment by InsaneCoachPosse — October 14, 2025 @ 1:40 pm
27
Wait, how’d I get dragged into this again? My very bad football team lost very badly.
Comment by Holly — October 14, 2025 @ 1:46 pm
28
Orson, another classic!
Comment by croc — October 14, 2025 @ 3:36 pm
29
Either Orson is a closet tOSU fan, or he is like the rest of us and just enjoys Michigan wallowing in misery. I think both.
Comment by Crabapple Buck — October 14, 2025 @ 4:20 pm
30
Holly, with all do respect, your football team is only sort-of bad. My Syracuse Orange are very bad. Why, I think you’ve actually beat some division I-A teams this year.
Comment by Dave — October 14, 2025 @ 5:42 pm
31
The Product should have asked God to let Sean play for Michigan…little Sean has to be better than the losers they have now or maybe he could have pleaded for God to send Sean to WVU where he could replace the loser coach we have now.
Comment by montani semper liberi — October 14, 2025 @ 8:24 pm
32
Brilliant and hysterical.
The Irving reference is excellent, and — ’tis being the season — the last photo and comment are Nobel worthy.
Comment by allaha — October 14, 2025 @ 11:20 pm
33
“Either Orson is a closet tOSU fan…”
I’m pretty sure all tOSU fans are in the closet.*
*You’re all gay.
Comment by Yukon Cornelius — October 15, 2025 @ 8:13 am
34
In any case DickRod better get used to Granite dust, it’ll be back to the Meany Quarry in New Hampshire after 2 years of this crap! Go Green!
Comment by Mike Hart's Bicycle — October 15, 2025 @ 8:39 am
35
I THINK I KNOW WHY MICHIGAN RECEIVERS COULD BARELY CATCH HALF OF PASSES THROWN.
meh. The inspiration was there. I question my execution.
Comment by NCT — October 15, 2025 @ 9:09 am