Brian, in his fifth year tending the Fulmer Cup Big Board, still wakes up every morning and begins the day by reeling his gigantic, Reggie Nelson-esque ladyhammer onto a spool and checking the scores to enter on the board for your pleasure. Ovations are due to him for his durability and for UConn for hitting the Big Board first.
UConn Sparks Up The Race. Running back Lyle McCombs may have two relatively small charges--possession of marijuana under 4 ounces, and an accompanying paraphernalia charge, both misdemeanors--but those two paltry charges are enough to break the silence and put UConn in a commanding lead over every other team in FBS football. Paul Pasqualoni says he has been suspended from the team, and will have to take the right steps to earn his way back on, and that is all good because really, less than four ounces of marijuana isn't enough to get Percy Harvin so much as mildly out-of-it.*
Still, that is enough to get UConn one point each for the misdemeanors and one bonus point for being first. Three points are hereby awarded to UConn in the Fulmer Cup. They are first, and your team is second just like everyone else.
*All marijuana measurements are done in PH units, named for a given quantity of marijuana of enough potency to sufficiently disorient Percy Harvin. This is like 0.00000001 PH units we're talking about here.