A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT BY THE CDC: KRAG1N1 SEASON IS HERE

The CDC has important public health messages regarding a reported Krag1N1 outbreak in Southeast Louisiana. 


Reports and informal communications have spread rumors of a potential Krag1N1 outbreak in the vicinity of Baton Rouge, Louisiana. While Krag1N1 is a potentially fatal infectious disease that should be taken with the utmost seriousness, we at the CDC urge caution. Education is the best weapon in any fight. Stay informed, and know the facts about Krag1N1 and you.

Am I in danger?

Are you an SEC defender? If so, no. Otherwise, yes. You are in mortal danger.

 

What are the symptoms of Krag1N1?

Fatigue, sometimes as early as the first quarter. Anemia. Cloudiness of thinking; sufferers often report an inability to hold onto even the simplest points. In later stages patients often report experiencing despair, depression, and "a loss of the will to live itself." Paralysis and death follow.

 

How is it transmitted?

By handshake and repeated contact with the vector, usually a man named "Steve Kragthorpe."

 

What is the course of treatment?

Amputation is the only known effective treatment, though medical science is working on alternate cures. One promising treatment is the supplementation of Krag1N1 infected cells with strong recruiting in the hope of mitigating some of Krag1N1's more damaging effects. Dr. Miles of Louisiana State University, known for his radical cures, will run a clinical trial this fall to test his hypothesis.

 

Wasn't Dr. Miles involved in disastrous time travel experiments? 

Yes. Several, actually, all panning out with varying degrees of success. 

 

How long can one expect to suffer from Krag1N1?

The condition will continue until amputation. Patients generally report this procedure as painless. 

 

Are my friends and family in danger?

Yes. The entire Big East football division, once a respectable quarter in football terms, contracted Krag1N1 after an outbreak at Louisville. This infection continues, and may have mutated into O'Brien's Syndrome, the still-mysterious virus attacking the ACC. The symptoms are similar, though proper research has to be done on the possible relationship between the two. 

Though no link has been definitively established, the possibility of this spreading to the rest of the SEC is real.

 

Is this similar to any other diseases?

Crowton's Palsy is very similar in its pathology. 

 

If I am already infected with Crowton's Palsy or are just recuperating, how will I know if I have Krag1N1?

You may not notice a difference, really.

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