Gas is expensive, but the sweet fuel of American ingenuity remains cheap: liquor, sweet liquor, served by the gallon to the aged and underaged. Combine the two, and you will get an explosive combination resulting in…um…nothing good, for the most part, unless you count amusing roadside sobriety tests. (Lemonade from lemons, dear reader.)

First, Huskers put the “tight” in “tight end.” In order to be a Nebraska tight end you must have a cool sounding name, a test easily passed by the superbly monikered Hunter Teafatiller. In 2007, he caught four passes for thirty four yards; sometime this weekend, the 220 pound Teafatiller caught somewhere in the range of 12 alcoholic beverages in a single drinking session before being pulled over on suspicion of DUI with a 0.20 BAC, good and drunk by anyone’s standards.

It’s Teafatiller’s third DUI in the past two seasons, and it elicits both personal empathies and harsh criticism from the outstanding Corn Nation:

Here’s guessing Teafatiller’s actions over the weekend will result in his dismissal from the team…I don’t mean to get on an ivory tower having been arrested for DWI myself when I was nineteen. I know stupid. I have done more stupid things in my life than you and your extended family put together. Trying to race your mom’s van down the main street of your home town in front of the police station at 2:30 am during a snow storm is pretty damned stupid. Just how stupid it is hits you when you’re sliding sideways at about 45 mph, hoping you don’t hit a light pole, and you simultaneously notice that the cops have not yet gone to bed but are standing right next to their car watching you from about 20 yards away.

Well, at least you got your juvenile DUI in style, sir. Teafatiller’s just cost him the starting job and potentially his athletic career. Two points for the Huskers in the Fulmer Cup are hereby awarded. Um, Cheers?

Georgia again ignores our suggestion for a driving safety coach, and again earns chintzy points for Jeremy Lomax, defensive end, being arrested by the nannyish Clarke County police, who actually arrest people for carrying a concealed weapon and speeding while black.

We repeat: a driving coach will save Georgia from appearing on this thing altogether. 15k for a paid intern to teach safe driving techniques, or continued appearance herein: that’s the deal. Simple, no? Then again, we’re talking about the same power structure that gave us a governor who, in lieu of figuring out a long-term solution to Georgia’s water problems, instead prayed publicly for rain.

We therefore begin the campaign here: Mark Richt for governor! Now that he’s got the offensive play-calling duties delegated to Mike Bobo, Richt surely has time in his schedule for the four or five hours a week required to be governor of this fine state. Put Knowshon on the undercard, and we’ve got ourselves a political juggernaut here.

Oh, and two points for the Dawgs. Early Cuyler reminds you to watch the trim.