Listen, and simmer down. You’re getting funny ladies this Friday because there’s nothing sexier in the world than a funny lady, especially one who’s obviously compensating for all the pain life’s dealt her by making people laugh. It means they will likely crave your approval, a passable non-retarded conversation from your side, and after two drinks will probably sleep with you. If you’re funny for the same reason: twice the fun!

Plus, we just wanted to do something special for all the ladies of the world.

Click for cheesecake below. It sucks! WAAAAAAH!!!

Madeline Kahn. Mel Brooks cast her in Blazing Saddles only after asking to see her legs at the audition. They tipped her into the lead for the role. If you don’t find the Marlene Dietrich getup and huge synth muff worn in the “I’m So Tired” scene confusing, funny, and attractive all at once, we don’t even know you are anymore.

Sarah Silverman.

She has sex with Jimmy Kimmel, farts a lot, and makes racist jokes. So does Adam Carolla, but he doesn’t look like this when he takes down his pants in a gorilla suit:

Tina.

Pin-up fashion sense. Created 30 Rock. Enslaves dorks on sight. Mysterious scar. We’re in.

Amy Sedaris. Has taken a thousand photos of herself in horrible makeup and surrounded by atrocious home crafts…and still manages to look hot. If that’s not talent, nothing is. Additional bonus: has a stunning pair of natural tits.

Enjoy your weekend. THIS SUCKED! WAAAAAHHHHHHh