CURIOUS INDEX, 4/22/08
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Plus, we’re decimated by injury. At least twenty dollars (in singles) of bonus cash to the person who managed to explain to Larry Munson exactly what Squidbillies is, and what he was going to be saying to whom in the episode. But yes, that’s Larry Munson as the voice of God. (HT: Thad.) There’s only two games between the PAC-10 and SEC this season: Georgia at Arizona State, and Tennessee at UCLA. The UCLA game could be an atrocity, but early on it’s not mad to expect the game in Tempe to be a real contest especially given Georgia’s traditionally slow starts and this whole new “going on the road thing” they’re trying out in the SEC. Fortunately, as a Florida fan “going on the road” means flying all the way to goddamn Fayetteville, so we don’t have to worry about these kind of odysseys. California, Florida, and Texas. Demography rules your football, college fan, whether you like it or not, meaning grumpy Big Ten fans may shake angry fists not just at fate, but at the economy, weather, and the deity of their choice when it comes to protesting the gradual move toward football becoming more of a Sun Belt sport than a Midwestern one. The Big Three represent 26% of the U.S. population, but produce 34% of the talent drafted in the NFL, according to a report by USA Today. (It’s all that running from strip mall to strip mall that does it.) Chewbacca! BANG. A great reason to fire blindly into a crowd of people: because one of them may, or may not have, called the woman you were with “Chewbacca.” The extremely logical and well-thought out reason for allegedly firing into a group of Cal football players back in 2005 is just part of what sounds like a colossally stupid series of events, excerpted below, that resulted in the death of a young woman shot in the chest: “I really don’t remember anyone arguing I just remember someone saying no one called you bitches and hoes and then it was over,” Gray said. “I don’t remember no arguing in faces, it was never hostile.” Others have testified that an argument began after Gray called one of the women a Chewbacca, the name of a large hairy fictional character from the Star Wars trilogy. Gray said he did not remember calling anyone names although he did remember that his friends told him he called a woman a Chewbacca… …In doing so, Crenshaw said he heard Willis-Starbuck call someone on her cell phone and demand that the person bring a gun to the feud. “When I was standing there, she said, `You need to hurry up and come over here with your pistol,’” Crenshaw said referring to Willis-Starbuck’s cell phone conversation. “It was surreal; I looked at her and I thought maybe she was just talking to her phone like that so others could hear her. After hearing Willis-Starbuck on the phone, Crenshaw said he thought the argument was over because Gray and his friend got into their car to leave. But as they were driving away, Crenshaw said, two of the women began to yell at Gray, saying he was a scrub. All perfectly logical. In fact, we attempted to shoot a man for calling us a “Lando wannabe” last night, mostly because it hurt so much BECAUSE IT’S TRUE. We missed and killed a passerby. We regret the error. Lloyd Carr’s health is still an issue, even after he’s gone. Carr and Michigan both looked healthy enough in their bowl game, actually. More public shaming of the Florida secondary, as seen below in action. (No, this will keep up until well into the season, and they show they can defend a simple fucking post route.) |
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1
So, who shot first, Greedo or Chewbacca (I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume Han wasn’t at this get together)?
Comment by Unhappy Monkey — April 22, 2025 @ 8:14 am
2
Fayetteville is one of of only two non-bowl locations that the UAA will actually fly the Gator Band to (Lexington being the other), so you know it’s really far. Why go farther? Arkansas is practically a different country anyway.
Comment by Dave — April 22, 2025 @ 8:25 am
3
They hooked Munson with that “Gator Hater” episode. That’s all he needed to know.
What I want to know is what he thought about Unknown Hinson.
Comment by yoyofutbawl — April 22, 2025 @ 8:31 am
4
Munson on Squidbillies, that makes my week. I kinda hope that’s what God sounds like.
Oh, and UGA is going to roll ASU. As long as the line isn’t stupid (uga -24 or something), I’m taking UGA with no hesitation.
Comment by Joshua — April 22, 2025 @ 8:32 am
5
“Chewbacca, the name of a large hairy fictional character from the Star Wars trilogy” — In case you’re keeping up with current events — but not so much so that you’re familiar w/Chewbacca.
Comment by teddy dupay — April 22, 2025 @ 8:45 am
6
no se puede verlo. seems adultswim is too racy for dissemination beyond the borders of the us. alas.
Comment by kleph — April 22, 2025 @ 8:50 am
7
Next time Gray is in an argument with a wookie, he should let the wookie win.
Comment by sonofsamford — April 22, 2025 @ 8:50 am
8
i really wanted to have a witty comment complete with that sound chewbacca makes…but how in the hell do you write out that sound??
Comment by gerry dorsey — April 22, 2025 @ 9:07 am
9
It’d fucking better be an atrocity. Walking out of one California stadium to chants of “PAC-10 FOOT-BALL” is much more than enough for a lifetime.
Comment by Holly — April 22, 2025 @ 9:09 am
10
I think Gray really pissed them off when he called her short boyfriend ” a fuckin’ Ewok”, and that Boba Fett wouldnt be caught dead carrying such a silly looking small weapon as that there pistol….too bad he didnt just simply use the Jedi Mind Trick and have the boyfriend simply shoot her then himself….sheesh…….Rookies…
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — April 22, 2025 @ 9:12 am
11
the line that “we are decimated by injuries” really put that one over the top…..I was hoping for a ‘Massaquoi-Massaquoi” chant though
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — April 22, 2025 @ 9:14 am
12
Now in that fire video, is that the gay gathering of the Burning Man project? is that how that shit started? a bunch of flaming homos becoming literally flaming homos?
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — April 22, 2025 @ 9:17 am
13
I don’t think that fire video is at all apt. I don’t recall anyone actually putting the fires out.
Comment by Anon — April 22, 2025 @ 9:22 am
14
As Mr. Grizzard told us, God probably sounds more like Herman Talmadge than anyone else.
I believe the former governor and US Senator from Georgia was unable to participate as he was having a rather intriguing conversation with God about segregation at the time.
Comment by Coop — April 22, 2025 @ 9:22 am
15
The thing that jumps out for me on the USA today map is the number of draft picks from Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. Those three states had less that 4% of the total population of the US and had nearly 10% of the total draft picks. As an Alabamian I guess my first reaction was to be proud of this. However, when you consider where these three states are traditionally ranked in education, poverty, etc., there has to be a relationship to their proclivity to produce NFL players.
Comment by sonofsamford — April 22, 2025 @ 9:30 am
16
“It’d fucking better be an atrocity. Walking out of one California stadium to chants of “PAC-10 FOOT-BALL” is much more than enough for a lifetime.”
At least you weren’t abused to the tune of roughly 130-20 over the course of two years.
Comment by Jerkwheat — April 22, 2025 @ 9:46 am
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#15 - Jimmy the Greek and Chris Rock collectively have a theory about the unusually large % of NFL players that come from Southern states.
Reminds me of that chapter in Freakonomics as to why the crime rate went down in the US, but grew in Romania or whatever Easter European country they referenced.
In a word, “chilling.”
Comment by Coop — April 22, 2025 @ 9:48 am
18
Ditto #4
Orson you forget how much of a failure ASU’s oline was last year. If I recall correctly, Rudy Carpenter was sacked 6 times by USC and the ASU oline gave up something like 53 (actually they gave up 54, only Notre Dame gave up more sacks last year). The Dawg’s defense is going to have a picnic on Rudy Carpenters soft, pink ass
I wouldn’t expect the Sun Devil defense to put up much of a fight either. Sure they were great las year…expect in games against Oregon State (514 yds), Wazzu (451 yds), USC (508 yds), Oregon (400 yds), and Texas (474 yds, everyone of them by Jammal Charles). But hey at least the kicked the hell out of San Jose St.!
Comment by Imposter Doug — April 22, 2025 @ 9:55 am
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#13
Hoping that the inferno finally burned itself out when the clock struck 0:00 in Orlando, though I agree with Orson that there may very well be some smoldering embers buried deep in the remains. I’m praying for an extended monsoon this summer to help ensure the whole “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” thing.
Comment by NativeSon — April 22, 2025 @ 10:23 am
20
As an ASU alum I am more than worried about UGA. The good news is that we are replacing 3/5 of that o-line but the bad news is that we’re replacing 3/5 of our o-line, both tackles and the center. Erickson implemented 4 and 5 WR sets this spring to help get passes off quicker, and he admits the blocking schemes were too complicated for a first year line. He’s dumbing down the blocking and adding more sizzle to both the offensive and defensive playbooks. Remember that last year was his first in Tempe, and the schemes were very vanilla. In addition to learning the playbook better, the athletes are stronger and better conditioned than they were under Koetter. (shocker!)
I’m expecting the defense to be better with a bolstered front four, including former Michigan man turned Fulmer Cup all-star Eugene Germany. ASU lost one starter from each position group so we’re not too terribly thin at any one position, save the weak side corner. If Stafford starts picking on him early, it’ll be a long night in the desert for the home team. But hey, at least we’re not Arizona, who has the same concerns about their looming OOC monster game: the New Mexico Lobos. That would really suck.
Comment by Big Jon — April 22, 2025 @ 10:27 am
21
Re: Florida, Texas, and California - the numbers are even sillier for Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. Down here, we don’t have time for big-city learning. So we plow our fields (and sisters) and learn how to play footbaw!
Comment by Ivory Tower — April 22, 2025 @ 11:01 am
22
#16. And its not like you guys needed that quarterback and receiver you ended up leaving in California.
Maybe that’s why SEC teams don’t like to travel out west, they are afraid the best players will want to stay.
Comment by oc phil — April 22, 2025 @ 11:04 am
23
# 18 - you got there first - Rudy Carpenter is going to be stretchered out of the game against Georgia unless Dennis Erickson wins a new o-line in a poker game this summer.
Which you can’t rule out, although rumor has it that Rick Neuheisel wants in on that game; he has suspended his $40 / day payments so he can bluff the hell out of Erickson by going all in on the first hand with at least a quarter-million.
Comment by DC Trojan — April 22, 2025 @ 11:10 am
24
I don’t know why it’s so much funnier tha he called her “a chewbacca” than it would have been if he had just called her “chewbacca”, but it is.
However, it’s not funny when people kill people over stupid stuff.
Also, I should point out that despite the large number of NFL quality players coming out of Alabama and neighboring states, Bama hasn’t had a single first round pick in eight years.
Thanks MIke, Mike Dennis and Mike.
Comment by bama_buck — April 22, 2025 @ 12:47 pm
25
Well at least next year Alabama will have a 1st rounder when when Andre Smith goes pro next yr….then in 3 yrs when Julio Jones goes pro…..thats what we have been missing, the Shaun Alexander type back following the carnage behind Chris Samuels type blocker….we’ve just had the one good blocker with no good back to follow, or either he couldnt get to the left side fast enough from getting run down from behind via the turnstile from the right tackle position…..or the QB fumbling the ball/throwing a Pick 6…yep that sums it up
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — April 22, 2025 @ 5:51 pm
26
Georgia playing a game outside of the Confederacy? Is Truman President? When did that last happen? Hopefully, they will bring their passports.
Comment by Vairish84 — April 23, 2025 @ 8:54 am
27
Ummmm….Kentucky =/= The Confederacy
Comment by MightyMightyMitzu — April 23, 2025 @ 9:37 am