We’re careening around NOLA today with the Chinese Bandits and company for the Sporting News. We’ll be posting there all day if we survive the LSU tailgate we’ve been referred to by Ragin Cajun. We’ll be posting on the move much of the day, so expect little in these parts for today.
And to the tOSU fan with the Nimitz-class tits flashing the crowd last night-thank you, from all of us. You are a woman of both beauty and charity.
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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1
Bring me back a Huge Ass Beer, please. Thanks.
Comment by Allahver Fist — January 7, 2026 @ 9:38 am
2
In unrelated good news, Mike Hunt has enrolled at Mississippi State for the spring semester (per MSU posting).
Let the Houston Nutt & Casey Dick jokes begin anew.
Comment by yoyofutbawl — January 7, 2026 @ 9:43 am
3
You posted a picture of old ladies in Chinese hats but didn’t bother with a picture of “Nimitz-class tits”?
Dude, seriously, that’s unacceptable. I want you to stand in the corner at Pat O’Brien’s for 30 minutes and think about what you’ve done.
Comment by Doug — January 7, 2026 @ 9:51 am
4
whaaat? no fuzzy phone-camera capture of said Nimitz class chesticles? for shame Orson
we want blurry memory captures!!!
Comment by Futbawl Fan — January 7, 2026 @ 9:51 am
5
Nimitz class? Oh crap, I think I know who that was. Stay the fuck away!
Comment by rusty — January 7, 2026 @ 9:56 am
6
I have to agree with the other commenters. The internet was designed for young, bared breasts, not old people in vaguely racist headgear.
Comment by Biggus Rickus — January 7, 2026 @ 10:02 am
7
i’m just thankful these women weren’t baring their breasts
Comment by PW — January 7, 2026 @ 10:13 am
8
That lady in front is ug-ly!
…also flat chested.
Comment by Rival — January 7, 2026 @ 10:16 am
9
What Orson left out was the massive beer gut underneath the Nimitz-class tits and that their owner was Rocco, a steel-worker from Youngstown.
Comment by Eric — January 7, 2026 @ 10:16 am
10
“Nimitz-Class Tits” can easily replace “Euro-Trash Girl” in that song by Cracker
Comment by Grimey — January 7, 2026 @ 10:21 am
11
#8 = i think that’s a dude, dude.
Yea, what’s the scoop here man, based on the Clay Travis ramblings, LSU was a milf/cougar enclave.
One bone to pick regarding NOLA — I went to Mardi Gras 2004, last one before Katrina, and I’m gonna tell you this ‘boobs for beads’ thing, simply did not exist. The only women flashing us were strippers. I was very disappointed because St. Patty’s in Savannah has more girls flashing and basically being naughty, overall, not even per capita.
Comment by Brian — January 7, 2026 @ 10:22 am
12
#1
Do you really want to drink something that touts itself “ass beer”? I’ll have none of that thanks, I don’t care how big that “ass beer” is.
Comment by justanotherbuckye — January 7, 2026 @ 10:23 am
13
dude
Comment by Rival — January 7, 2026 @ 10:24 am
14
#11,
#1 rule of Mardi Gras, stay away from Bourbon St. Debauch yourself at Endymion, or one of the parades in Medaire.
Comment by Herb — January 7, 2026 @ 10:46 am
15
Were they chanting ERR- ESS- YOU ?
Comment by fallex — January 7, 2026 @ 10:49 am
16
LOL, that dude in front is a DUDE, or a Cajun grandma that can beat ya arm wrasslin’, and probaly is a pretty good welder to boot, even the chick in the goatee can weld or shrimp pretty good….I’m disappointed that SN didnt send you directly to Shreveport DURING the game and make you go door to door to get those people to re-subscribe……there better be a pic of some Nimitz Class torpedos on here rather than a bunch of Senior Citizen Chinaman Crossdressers…..
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 10:51 am
17
Hey Orson, sure you didn’t drive to Saigon? Oops, I mean “Ho Chi Minh City.”
Comment by stapler — January 7, 2026 @ 10:52 am
18
And another thing, I think that guy in the middle pissed on my rug!
Comment by stapler — January 7, 2026 @ 10:55 am
19
Pulled the room together, didn’t it Dude?
Comment by Irwin Fletcher — January 7, 2026 @ 11:02 am
20
#11 - You must have been lost then. Because every time I’ve ever been in the quarter, there is flashing for beeds going on. Even when its NOT Mardi Gras. And I live here so I’ve been there quite often.
Comment by Last Dragon — January 7, 2026 @ 11:12 am
21
#11-
Brian—the bead thing goes on all year long…you must have been on the gay section of New Orleans or lost or something….plus you have to be out and about when the alchohol is kickin in the most, around 8pm or later to get really good shots
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 11:16 am
22
Dude, the faux-Chinaman is not the issue here.
Comment by Biggus Rickus — January 7, 2026 @ 11:17 am
23
New Orleans…shit
I’m in New Orleans.
I went home after the last time and would wake up to… nothing.
Every day I spend in this hotel I get weaker while charlie squats in the bush getting stronger.
[/smashes fist into mirror]
Comment by Jim Tressel — January 7, 2026 @ 11:18 am
24
What exactly is “Ass Beer”, regardless of size/quantity? Would one really want an “Ass Beer” to go? Is it similar to Miller Lite? Coors? Pabst?
Comment by Aerobab — January 7, 2026 @ 11:22 am
25
The best thing that can happen in New Orleans tonight is that a “Dirty Bomb” be unleashed. Not the one you get from draft beer and jumbalaya, though.
Comment by Scalz1 — January 7, 2026 @ 11:23 am
26
tOSU fans — making crass Michigan jokes even when playing another team. I think NOLA may have finally found people too degenerate to fit in there. Hard to do, but tOSU has had lots of success in many things lately. Why not degeneracy?
Comment by Dave — January 7, 2026 @ 11:27 am
27
You guys DO know who that faux-chinaman is don’t you?
Comment by CKGator — January 7, 2026 @ 11:46 am
28
this just in. researchers have found that alcohol + coeds = nudity. care to do some field work on this, orson?
Comment by kleph — January 7, 2026 @ 11:47 am
29
I predict many OSU arrests for pissing in the streets.
Comment by MIke — January 7, 2026 @ 11:48 am
30
They’re not Ass Beers, they’re Big Ass Beers. Look closely in the background of the Chinese Bandit picture.
Those things run about 32 oz and $5. It’s shitty lite beer, but it’ll get the job done. I mean fuck, it’s Bourbon Street, you’re not there for 15 year scotch.
And stay away from the absinthe. I wish Wesley Willis coulda written about the hellride I took on that stuff.
Comment by Joshua — January 7, 2026 @ 11:52 am
31
increasing the quantity of ass beer doesn’t make it any more appealing, IMO.
Comment by PW — January 7, 2026 @ 11:57 am
32
Nimitz-class.
Dude, you should so write shit for a living.
Comment by NativeSon — January 7, 2026 @ 11:59 am
33
If you dare, get a “One Mighty Punch” — they used to sell them from a little nook far down Bourbon St., in the “Gay Eighth,” past St. Ann. Those things will fuck you up. I don’t know what’s in them, but on more than one occasion drinking one of those was my last memory before waking up at noon the next day on the floor on my hotel with my underwear on my head.
Comment by Dave — January 7, 2026 @ 12:05 pm
34
Also, “faux chinaman” is not the preferred nomenclature. Faux-asian american, please.
Comment by DCDawg — January 7, 2026 @ 12:06 pm
35
kleph,
Right. Next you’ll be telling me that marijuana leads to consumption of junk food or heroin to vomit soaked death.
Comment by Biggus Rickus — January 7, 2026 @ 12:08 pm
36
Joshua -
did you take a sppoky disharmonious bus ride ?
Comment by Scalz1 — January 7, 2026 @ 12:09 pm
37
#31 - If you were past St Ann and woke up with your underwear on your head, you were probably ass raped.
Comment by Last Dragon — January 7, 2026 @ 12:19 pm
38
How many hand grenades ya’ll slurped down yet, Orson?
Comment by bitterhorn — January 7, 2026 @ 12:24 pm
39
yea guys, we certainly must have no been in the better areas or SOMETHING. It was good to say you’ve been to mardi gras tho.
Comment by Brian — January 7, 2026 @ 12:34 pm
40
#31
Now, did someone leave you a note apologizing for not staying longer? Were handcuffsinvolved? You sure you woke up in a hotel room and not a jail cell? Where you wearing a maid uniform?
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 12:37 pm
41
Not that theres anything wrong with…that….
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 12:39 pm
42
@34,
Well my hotel was in the opposite direction, but believe me, I checked the plumbing.
Comment by Dave — January 7, 2026 @ 12:39 pm
43
As long as you had a good time Dave. That’s what N.O. is all about……..
Comment by Last Dragon — January 7, 2026 @ 12:43 pm
44
Chinese Bandits – Whenever LSU forces a turnover or gets the ball back via a defensive stop, the LSU band plays the Chinese Bandit tune. The entire stadium bows to the defense while the tune is played. The term “Chinese Bandits” originated as the nickname that LSU Coach Paul Dietzel gave to the defensive unit he organized in 1958, which helped LSU to win its first national championship. The next season, the 1959 Chinese Bandit defense held their opponents to an average of only 143.2 yards per game.
Lets see…the color yellow, a tiger for a mascot, Chinese Bandits……..Commies are takin over!!!!
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 12:45 pm
45
go to jean lafitte’s blacksmith bar all the way down bourbon… best hurricanes in the quarter.
Comment by dougls — January 7, 2026 @ 12:48 pm
46
@40, Don’t I know it. Last time I was there (summer ‘06) I had such a good time I missed a 5pm flight home because I was still sleeping it off. If I had my druthers, I’d never have come home. Maybe that will happen one of these visits.
Comment by Dave — January 7, 2026 @ 12:55 pm
47
“The term “Chinese Bandits” originated as the nickname that LSU Coach Paul Dietzel gave to the defensive unit he organized in 1958, which helped LSU to win its first national championship.
So, these LSU fans are “Old school” or “obscurely clever”, rather than just “batshit crazy”.
Comment by Scalz1 — January 7, 2026 @ 1:04 pm
48
“Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez”…Mother Fuckers!
Comment by Erdinger — January 7, 2026 @ 1:09 pm
49
#13
Sorry , Herb. Tits ain’t happening in Metairie beyond a few here and there shots because of their “family atmosphere.” As anyone knows, the only & best way to capture the full glory of Mardi Gras is FROM the Quarter balcony or FROM the float. I filled up a GB flash card riding in Endymion last year. One year back in the 90’s we had a two strand garland on the Royal Sonesta from corner to corner (Bienville to Conti) made up of bras from obliging ladies desiring cheap plastic beads. Of course, there’d be the occasional guy dropping trou but what the hell, we’d just tell the kids to cover their eyes. If any Buckeyes want the best drink (& burger) in town, head down to Port Of Call On Esplanade for a Monsoon. Two of those and your bellman brings you to your room on his luggage cart.
Comment by lilac-a-go-go — January 7, 2026 @ 1:15 pm
50
Hell this aint home field advantage, this is home state advantage….even so, these two teams fans travel so well, you could play on the moon, and I promise ya there would somehow someway be RV’s from both camps up there4 days before gameday, cookin….Zero Gravity TailGatin’…..I hope to live to see that
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 1:17 pm
51
Nimitz Dept:
This site is losing it almost as bad as the Gators this year for the following reasons:
1) Nimitz sized knockers… well described BUT no pictures?! That is torturing the readers;
2) Oldies picturers…If I want to see that stuff, I would go to Wal mart;
3) TCOAN allows Swindle to admire from afar and from a-close a nice set of hooters? OH My…..If there is trouble at home, I think this site will go downhill.
Comment by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me — January 7, 2026 @ 1:30 pm
52
Note to self:
When in New Orleans on a “job” assignment…always carry another camera to take “fun”pics with, and leave the I-phone for “work”pics…..”Work”= crazy fan pics, tailgating etc……”Fun”—pics for the readers, wild,sexy,half nude co-eds doing crazy stuff whilst drunk for $.50 worth of plastic beads, that , outside bourbon street and Mardi gras, have no magic powers to remove bra’s or no real value…..or at least make a YouTube montage……
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 1:46 pm
53
Open challenge to Orson or anyone else in NOLA: go to Pat O’s and drink The Magnum…by yourself with no help.
(It’s a shade more than a dozen hurricanes in a giant glass I think).
After the LSU D finishes with Todd Boekman, you can have his liver.
Comment by Will (the other one) — January 7, 2026 @ 1:52 pm
54
#53 - Will:
As a lifelong resident of Lake New Orleans, I can honestly say that the only people who drink Hurricanes are tourists. We’re taught from a very young age that since we have no real marketable skills as a city, other than tourism, it is our job not to drink what the “payin’ folks” came here for.
And if the sarcasm isn’t noticeably dripping from all of the above, please accept my apologies.
+1 on the Monsoon at Port of Call. Just like grandma used to make…
Comment by Great Caesar's Ghost — January 7, 2026 @ 2:17 pm
55
Where do I get me one of those Chinee hats….they are fucking awsome! I’ll take one of those and a huge ass beer…..to go.
Comment by shovel pass — January 7, 2026 @ 2:36 pm
56
Where is the best place to recover from a hangover from? There is a place that has the best Shrimp Po Boy near Jackson Square, cant remember the name of it, but last time I was there, I sat next to those Real Estate Midget Twins that are like 3′2, they may be called dwarfs, they were like a normal sized head, big booming voices and about the height of Mini-Me, but they were identical sittin in booster seats…
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 2:41 pm
57
Mr. Pelican Pants, et al -
I’m a local. The best place for me to recover is my own bed with a bowl of Ramen Noodles. However, if you’re not in too bad of shape, try Jacques-Imo’s uptown. Take the streetcar. Pay no attention to the head chef who happens to be cooking your food in his boxer shorts. Get the stuffed pork chops or the friend chicken. Yes, it’s ok to pay $14 for fried chicken.
If you’re staying in or near the Quarter or downtown, ACME Oyster is better than good, and Felix’s right across the street is better than ACME. Both have po boys. Dante’s Pizza is a late-nite must. Keep those carbs going in and you’ll be less likely to see all the hooch coming out the wrong way.
If you’re fancy (and I don’t mean gay, but cool if you are…who am I to judge) head to Irene’s Cuisine. That’s a local’s place that you don’t find in many tourists maps. The entire menu is proof that God loves us and wants us to die of coronary disease. Slightly pricey, but worth it.
Comment by Great Caesar's Ghost — January 7, 2026 @ 2:59 pm
58
Pelican, you talking about Johnnie’s (sp?)?
Comment by Allahver Fist — January 7, 2026 @ 3:09 pm
59
O- glad to send you in the right direction. my people are dirty, but fun and kind.
Comment by RaginCajunRebel — January 7, 2026 @ 3:13 pm
60
The Camelia Grill isn’t remotely near the dome, but it can work wonders on a hangover too.
Comment by Will (the other one) — January 7, 2026 @ 3:21 pm
61
I think it was Cafe Maspero’s….looking for a good Bloody Mary for tomorrow that aint too touristy if ya catch my drift….wont be sleeping much since we are stayin at the Inn on Bourbon……on the Bourbon side…friends that are already there says 2 hrs sleep tops , at least from last night
Comment by Mr Pelican Pants — January 7, 2026 @ 3:43 pm
62
#53 Will: No way, that can’t be done. You would die. The one time I went to POB’s it was after a game at the superdome and I had been drinking beer for awhile, but 2 Hurricanes had me as totally destroyed as I’ve ever been.
Since each Hurricane has a double shot of 151, then a dozen would be about the same as 48 shots of 80 proof liquor.
Comment by oc phil — January 7, 2026 @ 4:32 pm
63
If you went to the qwaaaater and didn’t see tits you are :
A. Gay
B.Gay
C.Gay
D.Blind
Comment by Dr. Ed PHD.XYZ — January 7, 2026 @ 4:47 pm
64
Mr Pelican Pants,
You beat me to posting the historical importance of the Chinese Bandits. 100 cocktails to you sir! By the way Mahler says hello to everyone.
Comment by Anonymous IV — January 7, 2026 @ 4:51 pm
65
Been to both Acme and Felix’s a few times but I gotta give the nod to Acme. Personal preference I guess.
And for Pete’s sake, if you can get the hell off of Bourbon Street. New Orleans is a world class drinking and eating town but some of the very best places are off of the strip. Lafittes being my favorite on Bourbon.
Wish I was there now with a good excuse, damn those four losses.
Comment by Irwin Fletcher — January 7, 2026 @ 4:52 pm
66
I love NOLA. The food is wonderful! Historical importance of the city is amazing! Being able to pop open a bottle of Jack on the street corner at any time of day is only beaten by the time I was in Reno helping a friend of mine look for his lesbian mom at four in the morning while sucking down a bottle of tequila.
Comment by Anonymous IV — January 7, 2026 @ 5:05 pm
67
I’m not drinking until 8 PM…I can’t pass out like I did 2 minutes before Vince young scored to beat USC.
A ton..and I mean a ton of late money on OSU on my website.
I grew up 1.5 hours away from New Orleans….Great town! I love to eat a casual lunch at Roumalade’s on Bourbon Street…not great food, but close to the strip bars.
Comment by Annapolis Doug — January 7, 2026 @ 5:21 pm
68
Orson, your tailgating coverage at thesportingblog is second to none. Well done, sir, well done.
Comment by gosouthgohard — January 7, 2026 @ 5:24 pm
69
#23….
Briiliant, not sure how many got your Apocalypse Now ref…
“Charlie Don’t Tailgate!”
“You smell that son?….I love the smell of urine and vomit in the morning… smells like, victory.”
Comment by BKdawg — January 7, 2026 @ 6:40 pm
70
Tressel is Capt. Willard, (Martin Sheen) wound so sweatervest tight he’s just one weekend bender from madness…
Miles would have to be Col. Kilgore (Robert Duvall) all balls and no brains and not smart enough to know how fucking lucky he really is.
Comment by BKdawg — January 7, 2026 @ 6:45 pm