On vacation…but you must love autoposting. And you must love Texas Gal for providing this boozy peek into the inner sanctum of a Texas fan’s lovesoul as the next chapter in our “How to Make Love to a ______ Fan” Series. Enjoy this and the rest of the Ladies work over at Ladies…if you dare.

How to Make Love to a Texas Longhorns Fan

Hello, darlin’.

I can tell by that special glint in your eye, that only appears once a year around the second week of October, that you’ve got two tickets to Texas-OU burnin’ a hole in your pocket, and you’re just itching to ask me to be your date for the weekend. I won’t sit in a guy’s SUV (with Ducks Unlimited sticker) for the three-hour drive to Dallas for just anyone, baby- you gotta put on your best burnt orange button down (bonus for pearl snaps), polish up your best belt buckle (not one of those icky big ones the cowboys wear- the pretentious kind with sterling silver shotgun shell caps, like the Texas Cowboys wear) and scuff up your oldest pair of Red Wings. I want you to go all out, like Roy Williams reaching for the end zone. You like it old school? Then I’m looking for a Priest Holmes level effort, sweetheart. (if you were looking for a Tyler Rose or James Street reference, my dear, you’re way too old for me.)

Looking for you to score like Priest Holmes.

Can I go ahead and request some Cory Morrow, Ragweed and Reckless Kelly for the drive? It’s mood music that will get me ready for our weekend of lovin’. I can’t wait to see the swank, $65 a night hotel you reserved for us for the weekend. (more…)