Joey, posting in his dual life on the internets on Schembechler Hall, revives the BlogPoll roundtable with this installment of searing, begging for topical ointment-urgent questions:

1. It’s early, but thus far, which offseason change or changes in college football are you most excited about?

Oh, without a doubt Myles Brand’s brilliant squad-size adjustment, since without it the University of Alabama would have been subject to academic violations this year, and thus could, without future improvement, have played a brewing revenge game against the Florida Gators in the Swamp this year that would have been wiped from the books when the penalties really started piling up on ‘em. We, as Gator fans, would reaaaaaallly like that one to leave a big smoking cattle brand in the record books, since it would not only avenge the 31-3 “re-education” in Tuscaloosa last year, but the three in a row they’ve taken from us dating all the way back to the Dubose Secretary era.

Here’s hoping he spanked her while wearing a Houndstooth hat.

Oh, you mean actual changes that mean something? Well, we can’t talk about anything connected to the NCAA, of course. Two things.

a. First, the overwhelming sense that the bowl system as we know it may finally have been written off by the parties of interest in college football. Not sure if this has any real empirical support here, but the television contracts and sponsorship moves seem to be building toward an eventual push toward a scaled-back playoff. Just a vibe thing; then again, we’ve been convinced since 2002 that Florida State’s Waterloo was just around the bend, and just like zombies, we’ve realized that in order for that to happen, the head must die first. And he’s still sort of there.

b. The continued blossoming of interconference scheduling. Like the retired comic book dork we are, we rejoice when the Ant-Men of the world (er, Vanderbilt) get to face off against the Hulks of the college football world (in this example, Michigan.) Tennessee/Cal, Colorado/Georgia, another blowouter in the Arkansas/USC series, and the most brutal of all intersectional games, Texas/OSU-when interconference games happen, there’s always some level of quirk raising them a few hairs above the average game. But when they happen in numbers, you start talking a base of comparison between regions, which fuels the message boards that fuel the blogs that…we’ve all agreed, indeed do something, though opinions vary on exactly what that something is. In netspeak, it’s more exotic content, and that’s never a bad thing for the college football fan.

2) With spring practice underway, what are the three concerns about your team that are causing you the most anxiety? (USC fans can’t just list the departures of Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and LenDale White.)

The three things that make us clutch out plush Danny Wuerffel doll in the middle of the night are:

a. O-line. Zone blocking sticks, or it doesn’t. Either way it’s the linchpin for the Meyer offense, which puts so many receivers in play across the field that quick reads and protection dictate everything. The line got younger, but it may have gotten better with a year to pick up the schemes and get the persistently winded line into better shape. With the protection covered, there’s the issue of…

b. The wife-ahhhing dude making the reads, Chris Leak. Leak’s storyline this year comes in one of three flavors. He could have the Powlus: highly touted recruit who never makes good on his promise thanks to institutional upheaval and general overspeculation on their talents. Leak may also have the Brodie: a highly touted prospect who makes good in an improbable senior run, overcoming the plague, a swarm of locusts, and whatever other demonic obstacles ESPN wants to put in a soft-focus collage about his perserverence. Or finally, Leak has the Carson Palmer vibe where he takes an unanticipated leap to freakdom, throws a decent Wonderlic score’s worth of touchdowns, and stiff-arms a stunned defender to the ground on an option.

That’s the prime rib scenario, but given what we saw last year, we’re expecting sausage.

Meyer, seen here telling Leak that if he slides again, he will rip a baby koala to pieces on the sideline.

c. The secondary, which should be getting fat checks from Jay Cutler for boosting his draft status into the upper reaches of the first round for allowing him to incinerate them last year in the Swamp. Seeing Kyle Jackson at safety has been like watching old footage of Pedro Guerrero playing first base: occasionally a comedy, sometimes a tragedy, but always an adventure. Dee Webb Avery Atkins has some fuzzy charisma about him, but besides Reggie “KBD” Nelson, there’s little to keep us from freebasing Tums in the offseason just thinking about them lining up against South Carolina and a very observant and pass-wacky opposing coach in November.

3) Care to take a stab at a preseason top five?

What the fuck-sure. Here’s who everyone else will put in their top five, saving our own stunning top five for later when we’re really, really starved for content.

1. Ohio State. The win over Notre Dame, Ginn, the emerging Troy Smith Heisman storyline…if this were a stock, it would be Krispy Kreme 2002 at this point. Buckeyes fans hope against hope that the glazed curse doesn’t follow them…Speaking of glazed…

2. Notre Dame. Why work, when you could just plug the two Fiesta Bowl participants into the first two slots? It’ll sell like Diet Crack in the press and give writers loads of “wake up the echoes” stories to mine until they lose to Michigan State, Michigan, etc…again. Rewake those echoes when they take one loss into a matchup with USC in LA and win.

3. Michigan. Evidence? Nope. Just putting them in their traditional slot, seemingly reserved for the by-definition-underacheiving Wolverines.

4. Texas. It’s good to be king, if only for the preseason. Defend positioning with “he may be a freshman qb, but (insert Texas qb here) is a VY clone.”

5. West Virginia. Another hottness pick that will go down in flames the first time the ‘Eers meet a team that can stop the run. They play in the Big East. Which means this won’t happen.

You know who does play in the Big East? The Wannstache, whose visage will close this roundtable in honor of an extremely spotty Mustache Wednesday posting:

Overjoyed to see Pat White running ramshod over his defense. Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!