EDSBS CHARITY BOWL 2019: DAY THREE UPDATE

The 2019 EDSBS Charity Bowl is rolling. Read about the basic premise here. Donate here. Donate here, too. Maybe here? They all link to the same place, because the name of the game in online marketing is saturation, repetition, and getting people to accidentally click something they think will get them a free iPod!

This post is brought to you by the 2003 internet. It is Peanut Butter Jelly Time, because on the 2003 Internet it is always Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Edit: It is Peanut Butter Jelly Time with some 2019 modifications and a GIF we made just for you, Michigan.

If Day One’s storyline was Georgia Tech flying out to a shocking early lead over perennial champions Michigan, then Day Two’s action involved the Wolverines regaining their composure, stepping to the line of scrimmage, and moving the ball downfield in a hurry.

The top fifteen schools over a thousand dollars in donations are listed below.

A thunderous assertion of the Michigan Money Cannon’s power, y’all. For the big title it is clearly a dogfight between Georgia Tech and Michigan. If this ends in a tie, we will break said tie via some contest both schools will agree on as a complete and challenging test of their intellects, willpower, and stamina.

(Probably a Settlers of Catan tournament. We have some hesitation about this, but it seems like the best fit — even though these two fanbases being involved may result in real casualties.)

As with any race in a crowded field of competitors, though, there are storylines everywhere.

NOT-RIVALS IN COWBOY HATS ARE NOT-RIVALING EACH OTHER INTO THE TOP FIVE. Texas usually creeps up into the top ten, but after some brilliant soul contributed a dollar for every one of Dat Nguyen’s career tackles yesterday the Aggies woke up and made this thing a real rivalry. WHICH IT ISN’T. EXCEPT MAYBE HERE. WHO KNOWS JUST KEEP SLINGING THAT YEEHAW OIL MONEY THIS WAY OKAY?

Alabama and LSU are neck-and-neck. A smashmouth competition as always.

The Commonwealth Cup erupted out of nowhere. Okay not exactly out of nowhere, since 365 days a year a Virginia fan can’t so much as peek their head out on the internet without someone in hunting camo and a Bud Foster goatee yelling “IT’S BEEN EIGHT THOUSAND FIVE MILLION DAYS SINCE UVA BEAT THE HOKIES” and chucking a Natty Lite can at their well-coiffed head. It’s always right there, waiting to go off without much warning.

So when UVA fans started giving in the name of their extremely fresh basketball title — right down to using the winning score over Texas Tech as their total donation — naturally, all hell broke loose. UVA at $1600 in total donations or so is ahead of Virginia Tech’s $1300. A lead like that seems insurmountable — nay, as certain and ironclad as a second half Cavaliers lead in a rivalry football game. Surely nothing can prevent them from winning! Especially not a wave of VT donations today!

The Territorial Cup heated up. Or at least Arizona State did, throwing down a grand total. Arizona is off to a sleepy start with around $150 in donations, but no lead is safe in the desert, both because of the rivalry’s tradition of chaotic outcomes and roaring comebacks, and also because it’s just very difficult for anyone to stay hydrated for four quarters out there.

We all learned what the um...Founder’s Cup is? It’s the trophy for the University of Chicago’s bitter rivalry against Washington University, and it’s evidently on the line because both schools are over a grand and firing away at each other. It’s the best kind of fight: One we don’t understand, benefits charity, and is raging away for reasons very few people understand. God bless all of you.

ALL TOLD AS OF THE END OF DAY TWO: A formal total of over $65k already, well on the way towards breaking the one time record set last year of $69K, and with a whole week left to go. We are floored. We are humbled. We are grateful, almost speechless, and terrified of the tattoo or feat of daring we will have to do to pay off your generosity.

Today’s donation from us? Oh, hello, 1997 Sugar Bowl Brake-and-Fake Ike Hilliard.

It’s such a pretty play that it needs an equally pretty number to match it. Ahoy, a score:

The complete listings are below. In closing: DONATE DONATE DONATE DONATE.

Michigan $14,672.54

Georgia Tech $11,820.50

Kansas State $1,954.14

Texas $1,897.82

Virginia $1,677.19

WashU $1,648.30

Texas A&M $1,594.21

Alabama $1,585.66

LSU $1,522.86

Ohio State $1,488.93

Florida $1,376.89

Chicago $1,298.57

Virginia Tech $1,288.13

Wisconsin $1,036.81

Arizona State $1,026.09

Notre Dame $994.27

Clemson $960.36

Georgia $949.81

Florida State $821.82

Maryland $808.88

Miami OH $774.00

Washington $724.35

Northwestern $714.26

Purdue $638.51

West Virginia $636.15

Baylor $606.29

Wazzu $585.41

UCLA $566.77

Kalamazoo College $551.00

Mizzou $478.01

UAB $445.56

Iowa $428.36

Michigan State $428.16

Case Western Reserve $423.00

Auburn $418.98

Hillsdale College $417.00

Ohio $403.28

Nebraska $377.24

Duke $356.27

Cornell $294.16

Villanova $285.55

St. Thomas $285.24

Oregon $277.88

Santa Clara $253.56

Tennessee $252.91

Oglethorpe $250.00

Stanford $223.00

Minnesota $215.66

NC State $212.31

USC $199.66

Harvard $196.43

Kentucky $193.68

Cal $190.14

Oklahoma $178.95

Kansas $178.32

Arizona $169.05

Mississippi State $168.41

Vanderbilt $159.88

Texas Tech $159.41

Colorado $158.00

Tulane $153.98

Pitt $152.03

Penn State $150.54

Boston College $146.17

Syracuse $142.23

Rice $138.06

Wake Forest $137.34

Ole Miss $135.74

Western Michigan $131.10

Kennesaw St $121.04

Louisville $109.46

South Carolina $107.15

Georgetown $107.14

Miami $106.54

Oklahoma State $100.01

SUNY Albany $100.00

Buffalo $100.00

Boston University $100.00

Arkansas $95.45

Rutgers Wrestling $94.42

Colorado State $88.68

Indiana $84.79

Carleton College $80.03

North Carolina $79.70

Williams College $78.71

Louisiana $74.25

Cincinnati $73.48

Yale $71.19

North Texas $69.17

Penn $63.06

Temple $62.24

Houston $60.40

UCF $56.38

Fordham $56.00

UConn $52.89

Central Michigan $52.78

TCU $51.76

Skidmore College $50.00

John Carroll $50.00

Illinois $50.00

Florida Atlantic $50.00

Grand Valley St $49.50

Amherst College $45.14

Princeton $43.41

Cal Poly $42.71

Louisiana Monroe $41.21

Chattanooga $41.15

Army $38.14

Dayton $37.57

App State $34.32

Georgia State $34.20

Utah $34.19

Texas State $30.13

Humboldt Broncos $29.00

Montana State $28.37

Marshall $27.80

Uni Cape Town $27.79

West Ham UTD $27.35

William & Mary $26.14

Southern Miss $25.00

Seton Hall $25.00

Northeastern $25.00

Missouri State $25.00

Johns Hopkins $25.00

Iowa State $25.00

Connecticut College $25.00

Christopher Newport U $24.21

Northern Iowa $23.03

USF $22.22

George Washington $21.40

Bowling Green $20.09

Alaska Anchorage $20.03

Emory $19.99

Cal State Fullerton $19.92

Brown $19.16

Scranton $19.01

Maryland BC $15.53

San Jose State $13.31