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THE EDSBS CHARITY BOWL 2019: IT BEGINS WITH SPITE AND ENDS WITH HUGS (AND SPITE)

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PROVE YOU ARE BETTER THAN YOUR RIVAL IN THE NAME OF CHARITY. LOOKING AT YOU, OHIO STATE.

DO I HEAR THE SOUND OF SWEET SPITEFUL CHARITY YES YES I DO
Melina Myers-USA TODAY Sports

LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO: It is time again, commentariat, for the annual EDSBS Charity Bowl.

The game is the same as it’s always been: Give a donation to our favorite charity, the Georgia refugee service organization New American Pathways, in the name of your school or team. That donation should take the form of the score of a victory by your morally superior and physically better team over a depraved, uncharitable, and weaker rival.

For example! A Clemson fan might give $44.16 in honor of the Tiger’s epic blowout of mighty Alabama in the College Football Playoff Championship Game. Actually, Clemson fans, given what happened? This is pretty much what you have to do this year.

As a thank you in advance for your extremely generous donations, Clemson and anyone else who found this game hilarious and satsifying, we made you this.

Now: The goal for 2019’s Charity Bowl will be to raise $75,000 for New American Pathways.

This money will go towards general funding for the wide range of things they do to help refugee arrivals in Georgia become successful, brilliant residents of this fine land. Read about those things here! They are all important work — work your donations this week will help fund, hopefully while also reminding someone, somewhere of a terrible defeat at the hands of your team.

As always, if and when the EDSBS commentariat reaches this goal, Fearless Leader will do something drastic to celebrate. In the past these celebrations have included:

1. getting a tattoo involving the winning team

2. getting another tattoo involving the winning team

3. eating cheese, something he does not like to do and gets kind of sick thinking about now that you mention it.

If we somehow hit $100k, we’ll have to get very, very creative indeed. But we’d like to do that, both for a great cause, a great organization, and happening in a time when the refugee community in Georgia and the United States needs your help more than ever.

Polls are open now, and will be open until midnight on Sunday of next week. Updates will be provided daily. Michigan usually wins this thing because they are better people than all of us, and they have the donations to prove it. It doesn’t have to be this way, of course, so prove them wrong by giving, giving again, and then burning them as only a Michigan Man can be burnt — by citing documented sources in an online debate.

We’ve started the bidding by reminding everyone that Florida State not only does not have a local Cheesecake Factory or a Dave and Buster’s like some blessed and superior university towns in north Florida, but also that they lost to the University of Florida last year 41-14.

IS THAT A LOT TO LOSE BY?

With all that said:

DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE. DONATE.