via @gregbeacham

It's starting to become glaringly obvious that UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel is evolving before our very eyes into a bizarre amalgamation of every crappy character Tom Cruise has ever played. What do you think he's been doing in those film sessions? It certainly hasn't been watching football plays.

In fact, with every passing day, given the mere tone and tenor, it becomes more and more abundantly clear that Rick Neuheisel is mere moments from his Jerry Maguire epiphany. Not over the top enough for you? He's also in every way Frank T.J. Mackey, author of best selling novel Seduce & Destroy, motivational speaker, and mere moments from an existential breakdown watching his estranged offense die before his very eyes. He's also essentially an ambitious bartender who after a falling out with his former mentor/business partner (*cough* Norm Chow *cough*) finds himself in Jamaica and makes love to you on a moonlit beach. Still don't see it? He's basically also an obnoxiously immortal troll vampire who will never die no matter how many dead teams you feed him (R.I.P., San Jose State, Oregon State, and Wazzou).

Still not buying in? Keep watching Fox/Root/Comcast Sports after hours on Saturday evenings. We haven't even gotten to the game where he tries to kill Hitler yet.