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ACC QUARTERBACKS BEING STALKED ONE BY ONE BY BRITISH WOMEN'S GAME

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Update: Per WRAL in Raleigh, Wilson is staying with football. Uncork anuses, Wolfpack fans (and throw the cork the hell away right now.) 

Kyle Parker was already likely leaving for baseball's lucrative and leisurely shores, but get aboard this trend of two and watch as the ACC's signal callers are slowly lured away from college football's shores by the Illuminati. Why? To prevent the ACC becoming too dominant, thus empowering the Atlantic seaboard to enact OPERATION WARBUOY and detach wholesale from the rest of the United States. Only through continued enforcement of ACC mediocrity can we keep this fine union together. 

Russell Wilson, NC State's starting quarterback,was drafted by the Colorado Rockies in the fourth round of the MLB draft, and may not return to NC State to play for the Wolfpack this fall. Parker was a significant loss to Clemson, but Tajh Boyd awaits on the bench, and may very well be an improvement over Parker in both aggregate talent and stylish monikers. 

Wilson's replacement--if he leaves--will likely be Mike Glennon, younger brother of much-maligned former Virginia Tech quarterback, four star recruit, and dude who did not make up the majority of the NC State offense last year like Wilson did.  Wilson had 3200 yards of the 4700 yards gained total by the Wolfpack, something Mike Glennon cannot possibly hope to replicate in year one. 

Excellent work, shadowy puppetmasters of the world. Now to get Tyrod Taylor out of the picture by slipping his name in the NHL draft, and to eliminate the Christian Ponder threat by making Chris Rix his quarterbacks coach, and the nation-splitting threat of the ACC shall be held at bay for another year.